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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For putting this money into DCs savings account

94 replies

Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 14:31

Will keep it brief!

Given some money from grandparents. Early inheritance type situation.

We have spent the majority on doing up the house.

I now want to put the rest into our DCs savings account (about 1k).

Husband thinks unfair and we should do something that all family can enjoy not just one DC (2DSC) or at least split it equally.

I don't want to spend the money for the sake of it and would rather my grandparents money go to helping our DC with something when they are older like uni fees, house deposit, car or whatever.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 18/05/2021 15:29

Your inheritance, your choice. Put it in the dc account

He can save for the sc,

SpilltheTea · 18/05/2021 15:29

The money should go to your child. It's come from their relative after all. Your DH is mad if he thinks his children are also entitled to it. If he's that bothered, he should start savings accounts for them.

Happycat1212 · 18/05/2021 15:32

It’s things like this that make me certain I never ever want to be a step mum!

Pumpkyumpkyumpkin · 18/05/2021 15:36

I knew before I even opened the thread this would involve DSC. YANBU.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 18/05/2021 15:43

DS1 had extremely wealthy gps on Ex H’s side and has inherited a five figure sum from them. None of us, including DS2, thought that any of that money should be shared. DMiL died recently and DH has inherited from her. He will give an amount to DS2 but it won’t be anywhere near what DS1 got because the estate is much smaller. DS1 will get nothing from that legacy because although DH’s parents always treated him equally to their blood dgc DS2, he’s not actually related to them. It wouldn’t have been fair for their money to be stretched to include someone who had a millionaire gf on the other side. That’s just the way it is.

Blossomtoes · 18/05/2021 15:48

It’s £1000! Put it towards a holiday, it will be worth nothing in a decade’s time.

Notaroadrunner · 18/05/2021 15:49

Put it your dc's savings account. I sincerely hope your Dh doesn't have access to that savings account as he could decide in years to come, when you have built up a nice sum, that it should be split between all the kids. Keep it out of his reach. £1k will go some way towards driving lessons or food while away in uni for a few months. It's not an amount to be sniffed at, or used for the sake of it.

8monthsinandcranky · 18/05/2021 15:52

Splitting inheritance money from your DC’s biological grandparents equally with their step siblings is mental! They’re not their grandparents, it’s not their inheritance! You need to be very clear with your DH about this.

I’m all for equal treatment if step kids but not when it comes to inheriting money from other family members they are not actually linked to Hmm

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/05/2021 15:53

Your grandparents @Yaaaat?

Spent on a house that all kids, DC and DSC enjoy, that your DH has the benefit of too?

Does your DH share any monies across all 3 kids equally too? Does he expect his ex to do the same, so as not to leave out her DCs half sibling?

Pat him on his head and tell him to go sit down in a quiet space and work out why he is being daft!

Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 15:56

@Blossomtoes

It’s £1000! Put it towards a holiday, it will be worth nothing in a decade’s time.
Every little helps and I think my grandparents will be glad to know at least some of it has gone to DC.

No DSC don't see my grandparents as their great grandparents.

To be fair my GPs would be happy for us to do whatever with the money they haven't specified that some of it has to go to DC. But I would like to save the remaining for them as it's come from their great GPs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 15:57

@Notaroadrunner

Put it your dc's savings account. I sincerely hope your Dh doesn't have access to that savings account as he could decide in years to come, when you have built up a nice sum, that it should be split between all the kids. Keep it out of his reach. £1k will go some way towards driving lessons or food while away in uni for a few months. It's not an amount to be sniffed at, or used for the sake of it.
No he doesn't. It's solely in my name in trust for DC.
OP posts:
HomeSliceKnowsBest · 18/05/2021 16:04

This is precisely why I will put my bought outright house in trust for my DD in my will if ever I marry. Fuck that the scrounging fool.

namestheyareachanging · 18/05/2021 16:08

YANBU
My DH is an incredibly devoted stepdad to my two older DC. But if he received money from his family and spent most of it on the house (and therefore, the family as a whole), I absolutely would be suggesting any remaining amount go in an account for just our DD.

Melitza · 18/05/2021 16:10

It's always interesting to me how some people spend all of their own money and then think they can spend other people's.
Tell him to jog on.

NoSquirrels · 18/05/2021 16:12

As long as you’re not saving for only 1 DC out of joint funds, then it’s all fine.

If your DH saves nothing for any of his children, and you save (out of your income) for your only child, then that’s fair.

If you were saving from pooled money from you and your DH for just your DC, and not the stepchildren at all, I’d think differently about the whole thing. But in this scenario yes, if you want to save your money given to you for your child, that’s fine.

HollowTalk · 18/05/2021 16:14

Do your step children have grandparents who are likely to leave them any money? I wonder how he would feel if the situation was reversed.

FinallyFluid · 18/05/2021 16:17

That is 28 driving lessons based on current prices.

Seesawmummadaw · 18/05/2021 16:20

Do the dsc have their own grandparents?
When their grandparents pass away will money be given to your dc?

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 16:26

Husband thinks unfair and we should do something that all family can enjoy not just one DC (2DSC) or at least split it equally.

YANBU. His DSC are not your kids, you are not obliged to spend money your parents gave you on them!

If this is his attitude, don't even tell him next time, just put the money in your kids' accounts or your own separate savings account that he doesn't have access to.

Pinkpaisley · 18/05/2021 16:27

Inheritance being saved for the future or spent on long term things like education or housing is the ideal use. Putting the money into your children’s savings is perfect.

If he has the means to save for his children but chooses not to do so, that is his own fault. It’s much easier to help them with university and other early adulthood expenses by investing early and letting that money grow.

Walkerbean16 · 18/05/2021 16:31

mumsnet is a funny place, the answers would be very different if it was the man's money.

Womencanlift · 18/05/2021 16:31

YANBU. I wouldn’t expect a share of any money coming to my step mum from her family and I wouldn’t be annoyed that my half brother or sister got it when I didn’t.

ALevelhelp · 18/05/2021 16:35

@Walkerbean16

mumsnet is a funny place, the answers would be very different if it was the man's money.
Would they?
RowanAlong · 18/05/2021 16:35

Hmm, 1k. If it was 10k I’d say put it away, but bizarrely if it’s 1 grand, I sort of think better to use it for a great holiday/treat for all the family, and put the change in your daughter’s savings account instead.

CassandraTrotter · 18/05/2021 16:35

Put it in your child’s account and remind him he hasn't saved a penny for his dc, despite your suggestions, so he should start there.

Do many men are such knobs.

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