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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mothers day and birthday gifts, Aibu?

45 replies

Queenofsnacks · 18/05/2021 09:57

Last Mothers day, I sent my mother a personalised card but not a bunch of flowers. I came to visit my parents shortly after and she pretty much started an argument with me that I didn't send her a bunch of flowers and a gift and kept calling me selfish, ungrateful and apparently I don't care? It wasn't as though I completely disregarded mothers day, I did acknowledge it and send a card, I couldn't help thinking that it was a little distasteful! It is her birthday in a few weeks and my father called me and says that he hopes that she will be receiving a birthday present which for the record she certainly will be! I can't imagine ever just expecting a gift from somebody like that! Aibu?

OP posts:

RosieGuacamosie · 18/05/2021 10:00

I think it’s a bit off that you didn’t get her a little something for Mother’s Day unless there’s a massive backstory.

MichelleScarn · 18/05/2021 10:01

Was the call prompted/engineered by your mum? Does she have a criteria of acceptable presents?

EnglishRain · 18/05/2021 10:02

If you usually give flowers it's a bit weird to then not.

ThatIsMyPotato · 18/05/2021 10:02

That is terrible, they don't know what your money situation is.

User7312019 · 18/05/2021 11:52

I don’t know anyone who thinks it would be acceptable to not get their mother a Mother’s Day Present or would not expect to receive on so YABU

rbe78 · 18/05/2021 12:09

I'm not sure my Mum would have said anything if I didn't get her a gift for Mother's Day - as you say, it's not quite the done thing - but my Dad would probably have had a word! Unless Mother's Day just isn't a 'thing' in your family, and you never get her a gift, of course she would be upset.

GADDay · 18/05/2021 12:59

Oh bollocks. Mother's Day is just a manufactured means to make money!!!

Your mother is bonkers!

Stonerosie67 · 18/05/2021 13:00

Absolutely unreasonable. Unless there's something you're not telling us, of course you get your Mum a gift on Mothers Day. No wonder she's upset with you. The fact that you sound so condescending isn't helping either.

Shoxfordian · 18/05/2021 13:01

I would normally get my mum a present as well
Why didn’t you?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/05/2021 13:02

Do you normally get her something for mother's Day? Is there a back story about you not getting along?

heidbuttsupper · 18/05/2021 13:05

I sent my my mum flowers, a personalised card, cake and arranged an afternoon tea at home. She went in a mood because I didn't post a gushing post on social media about how amazing she is. I don't have social media.

Some people are never happy OP

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 18/05/2021 13:07

Is it ok to get angry with your adult daughter and call her selfish because she didn't get you flowers for Mother's Day? No.

Mygardenisanightmare · 18/05/2021 13:09

Do you normally get her a present that is the question

ScissorsBike · 18/05/2021 13:10

I would be really hurt not to receive a gift on mother's day. Why didn't you?

majesticallyawkward · 18/05/2021 13:25

Your mum is massively unreasonable.

Mother's Day is bollocks anyway, manufactured to sell over priced flowers and cards that are binned a few days later.

My mum will always say not to get her a gift for Mother's Day, birthdays or Christmas. If for whatever reason I didn't she wouldn't think twice about it, never mind mention it! I do get her gifts for all of those and any other occasion.

Is your relationship usually this strained or this unexpected behaviour? Assuming there's a backstory as it's not the behaviour of a rational adult.

RealMermaid · 18/05/2021 13:28

I think it's pretty much expected to send a gift for mother's Day especially if you're not seeing her on the day itself. Unless there's some backstory where you're in a difficult financial situation I think it's a bit crap to just send a card. Equally it sounds like she overreacted, but I can understand why she'd be disappointed.

ElmtreeMama · 18/05/2021 13:34

The last few years my DH and I have both just sent nice cards for mothers and fathers day and then send gifts and cards for birthdays

I would be annoyed if they said that was us being selfish!

Overdueanamechange · 18/05/2021 13:35

Its the sort of thing I would be hurt by, what mother wouldn't? I certainly wouldn't comment on it though, I would assume I had done something wrong. I suspect a back story l, but if you make her feel valued generally then her tantrum was unreasonable.

kittycat863 · 18/05/2021 13:42

Minority opinion maybe, but I just don't understand why cards and flowers are required. I'm a mother now, and how about just stepping up and doing your part around here and generally not taking me for granted every day of the year
I have no regard for unnecessary gifts and things I can buy myself for a hallmark holiday.

Original poster

Queenofsnacks · 18/05/2021 13:49

Hi all thank you for your insights, to be honest I do feel a little bit guilty! However there is not really a back story nor is there a strict pattern with whether or not she gets a yearly gift, some years its card and flowers, other years I've sent a just a card and she hasn't minded (or hasn't said that she has and all has been fine). Money has been extremely tight for me this year and I suppose I thought a card would be fine but perhaps that was poorly judged of me. I have splashed out a lot more for her birthday. Another thing, my partner and I aren't overly sentimental people and we haven't ever sent Valentines day cards or celebrated our anniversaries in the several years we have been together but obviously we celebrate and splash out on each others birthdays and Christmas as we both do with our families.

OP posts:

lydia2021 · 18/05/2021 13:51

My mother died years ago. I would love it if I had a mother to buy a present for. The grave flowers dont quite do it, although it's better than nothing

Somethingsnappy · 18/05/2021 13:55

@GADDay

Oh bollocks. Mother's Day is just a manufactured means to make money!!!

Your mother is bonkers!

Well, no. Mothering Sunday is a long-standing celebration that originates in the church.

oldperson1 · 18/05/2021 13:55

If you had explained to your mum that things had been a bit hard money wise this year, she and your dad might have been a bit more understanding.?

Gatehouse77 · 18/05/2021 14:07

Well, no. Mothering Sunday is a long-standing celebration that originates in the church.

And is about the church in which you were christened NOT your mother. Which, in turn, was most likely where your mother lived so you would see her whilst going to your mother church.

It's got fuck all to do with 'mothers' as people. That aspect id purely money making.

kerkyra · 18/05/2021 14:08

I just send my mum a card in the post as she lives a couple of hours away and she always appreciates it.
One of my DC gives me flowers,one gives a card and one forgets but I'm fine with that as with birthdays,Christmas etc there is so much to buy and I find all these things really add up.

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