Mothers day and birthday gifts, Aibu?

[Queenofsnacks]

Last Mothers day, I sent my mother a personalised card but not a bunch of flowers. I came to visit my parents shortly after and she pretty much started an argument with me that I didn't send her a bunch of flowers and a gift and kept calling me selfish, ungrateful and apparently I don't care? It wasn't as though I completely disregarded mothers day, I did acknowledge it and send a card, I couldn't help thinking that it was a little distasteful! It is her birthday in a few weeks and my father called me and says that he hopes that she will be receiving a birthday present which for the record she certainly will be! I can't imagine ever just expecting a gift from somebody like that! Aibu?

[RosieGuacamosie]

I think it’s a bit off that you didn’t get her a little something for Mother’s Day unless there’s a massive backstory.

[MichelleScarn]

Was the call prompted/engineered by your mum? Does she have a criteria of acceptable presents?

[EnglishRain]

If you usually give flowers it's a bit weird to then not.

[ThatIsMyPotato]

That is terrible, they don't know what your money situation is.

[User7312019]

I don’t know anyone who thinks it would be acceptable to not get their mother a Mother’s Day Present or would not expect to receive on so YABU

[rbe78]

I'm not sure my Mum would have said anything if I didn't get her a gift for Mother's Day - as you say, it's not quite the done thing - but my Dad would probably have had a word! Unless Mother's Day just isn't a 'thing' in your family, and you never get her a gift, of course she would be upset.

[GADDay]

Oh bollocks. Mother's Day is just a manufactured means to make money!!!

Your mother is bonkers!

[Stonerosie67]

Absolutely unreasonable. Unless there's something you're not telling us, of course you get your Mum a gift on Mothers Day. No wonder she's upset with you. The fact that you sound so condescending isn't helping either.

[Shoxfordian]

I would normally get my mum a present as well
Why didn’t you?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Do you normally get her something for mother's Day? Is there a back story about you not getting along?

[heidbuttsupper]

I sent my my mum flowers, a personalised card, cake and arranged an afternoon tea at home. She went in a mood because I didn't post a gushing post on social media about how amazing she is. I don't have social media.

Some people are never happy OP

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

Is it ok to get angry with your adult daughter and call her selfish because she didn't get you flowers for Mother's Day? No.

[Mygardenisanightmare]

Do you normally get her a present that is the question

[ScissorsBike]

I would be really hurt not to receive a gift on mother's day. Why didn't you?

[majesticallyawkward]

Your mum is massively unreasonable.

Mother's Day is bollocks anyway, manufactured to sell over priced flowers and cards that are binned a few days later.

My mum will always say not to get her a gift for Mother's Day, birthdays or Christmas. If for whatever reason I didn't she wouldn't think twice about it, never mind mention it! I do get her gifts for all of those and any other occasion.

Is your relationship usually this strained or this unexpected behaviour? Assuming there's a backstory as it's not the behaviour of a rational adult.

[RealMermaid]

I think it's pretty much expected to send a gift for mother's Day especially if you're not seeing her on the day itself. Unless there's some backstory where you're in a difficult financial situation I think it's a bit crap to just send a card. Equally it sounds like she overreacted, but I can understand why she'd be disappointed.

[ElmtreeMama]

The last few years my DH and I have both just sent nice cards for mothers and fathers day and then send gifts and cards for birthdays

I would be annoyed if they said that was us being selfish!

[Overdueanamechange]

Its the sort of thing I would be hurt by, what mother wouldn't? I certainly wouldn't comment on it though, I would assume I had done something wrong. I suspect a back story l, but if you make her feel valued generally then her tantrum was unreasonable.

[kittycat863]

Minority opinion maybe, but I just don't understand why cards and flowers are required. I'm a mother now, and how about just stepping up and doing your part around here and generally not taking me for granted every day of the year
I have no regard for unnecessary gifts and things I can buy myself for a hallmark holiday.

[Queenofsnacks]

Hi all thank you for your insights, to be honest I do feel a little bit guilty! However there is not really a back story nor is there a strict pattern with whether or not she gets a yearly gift, some years its card and flowers, other years I've sent a just a card and she hasn't minded (or hasn't said that she has and all has been fine). Money has been extremely tight for me this year and I suppose I thought a card would be fine but perhaps that was poorly judged of me. I have splashed out a lot more for her birthday. Another thing, my partner and I aren't overly sentimental people and we haven't ever sent Valentines day cards or celebrated our anniversaries in the several years we have been together but obviously we celebrate and splash out on each others birthdays and Christmas as we both do with our families.

[lydia2021]

My mother died years ago. I would love it if I had a mother to buy a present for. The grave flowers dont quite do it, although it's better than nothing

[Somethingsnappy]

@GADDay

Oh bollocks. Mother's Day is just a manufactured means to make money!!!

Your mother is bonkers!

Well, no. Mothering Sunday is a long-standing celebration that originates in the church.

[oldperson1]

If you had explained to your mum that things had been a bit hard money wise this year, she and your dad might have been a bit more understanding.?

[Gatehouse77]

Well, no. Mothering Sunday is a long-standing celebration that originates in the church.

And is about the church in which you were christened NOT your mother. Which, in turn, was most likely where your mother lived so you would see her whilst going to your mother church.

It's got fuck all to do with 'mothers' as people. That aspect id purely money making.

[kerkyra]

I just send my mum a card in the post as she lives a couple of hours away and she always appreciates it.
One of my DC gives me flowers,one gives a card and one forgets but I'm fine with that as with birthdays,Christmas etc there is so much to buy and I find all these things really add up.