Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a messy house with a 2 & 4 year old

33 replies

Thenameisweasley · 17/05/2021 11:03

I have a just turned four and just turned two year old. The four year old goes to nursery for 2 hours a day and it takes me twenty minutes to get there so I spend a fair bit of time driving her there and back. I work 30 hours a week as a nurse (two 13 hour shifts one week and three the next) and I literally cannot get on top of my house tidying. It’s never dirty, just messy all the time! Washing often spends a week folded waiting to be put away.

Recently my mother (who does no childcare) has made many comments about the mess but I genuinely spend every free minute tidying and the place is still messy. I’m never in the house without children to tidy it!

Please tell me I’m not alone?!

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 17/05/2021 11:04

Tell your mum to piss off!

Happycat1212 · 17/05/2021 11:09

Oh I could have wrote exactly this! Only I have 4, so my house constantly looks like a bomb site, my mum turned up unannounced the other day so I hadn’t had a chance to tidy up and all she did was say it was awful, and that my home should be immaculate and it doesn’t matter how many kids I have the place should always be spotless and I should get rid of all their toys.

beggingforsleep · 17/05/2021 11:09

I have the same aged kids and my house is tidy but grubby so think you def have it the right way round!

ZaraW · 17/05/2021 11:10

If it bothers your mum so much maybe she can help rather than criticise?

BrumBoo · 17/05/2021 11:10

My children are around the same age, and the clutter can just be insane some weeks. Especially with a husband who's blind to it and thinks chucking toys into one corner is 'tidying' Hmm. I have just spent 2 weeks taking things to the dump, a hugely slow progress as I also have limited nursery time. If any of them (including husband) sees half the stuff I've chucked go, I'd have foot stomping. Yet it's stuff that has been hidden at the back of cupboards, or in large bags for years! My pil have been known to make comments, but I can also see exactly where husband got his hoarder-tendencies from bloody hypocrisy .

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 17/05/2021 11:13

I would argue my Mum has OCD, her house is permanently pristine but then it’s easy to be that way because there’s only 2 adults there! Whenever she visits she passes comment on something messy, she’s even been known to open the microwave and comment on a splash of food I dared to leave in there... I’ve given up caring now, I can’t make my house clean and tidy enough for her because I’m just not as obsessed with cleaning as she is.

I have 5 DC aged 11 and under so my house will never be pristine. Like yours, it’s never dirty but I think a level of mess is inevitable with young children.

JackieTheFart · 17/05/2021 11:14

YANBU.

My mum was the same until I just told her to stop trying to make me feel bad. She lives in a 4 bedroom detached house just her and partner - we’re five of us in a too small 3 bed terrace. It’s not fair to make comparisons. It’s much easier to keep things tidy when you have unlimited storage space!

Fieldsoftripe9 · 17/05/2021 11:17

Tell your mum she is welcome to clean it herself or pay for you to have a cleaner come in the week. How unsupportive to make comments without offering help.

Macdo · 17/05/2021 11:19

Off topic but 2hrs a day with a 40 minute round trip - I'd be putting them in longer or not bothering to go home, especially with a toddler in tow.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 17/05/2021 11:19

I have 3, a cleaner and I don't work and my house seems to be in a constant state. I feel like I've just developed a nice routine and then something happens, like one drops a nap, or Montessori starts, or there's a global pandemic, and I'm back to square one.

Original poster
Thenameisweasley · 17/05/2021 11:21

@Macdo no option for longer unfortunately as we only get 15 hours funded in NI and that was the only place she got offered as she didn’t meet any of the “parents on benefits” criteria applied for selection! She goes 12.30 - 2.30. If she didn’t enjoy it I definitely wouldn’t bother myself as I spend more on fuel getting her there than it’s worth!!

OP posts:
Divineswirls · 17/05/2021 11:22

The likes of bloody Stacey Solomon and Mrs Hinch don't help making us all feel like our homes should be ridiculously pristine, freshly painted with nice new carpets and furniture etc.

Original poster
Thenameisweasley · 17/05/2021 11:22

These replies make me feel so much better Grin I’m glad I’m not alone!

OP posts:
ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 17/05/2021 11:22

I have 2 the same age and work full time hours over a compressed week. My house is a shit hole (it's not really, but it feels like it!). I hate that my house never feels clean despite cleaning it all the time. You're not alone. Fortunately my mum is kind and says hers was the same - again she doesn't actually want to help (childcare or cleaning), but at least she's not mean about it. Your mum is not kind.

Divineswirls · 17/05/2021 11:25

Your DM instead of making comments should be rolling up her sleeves and giving you a hand not criticising you.

Floralnomad · 17/05/2021 11:25

It’s entirely up to you how you keep your house but I find it is easier to live in a tidy house , doesn’t have to be showroom clean but everything at least in its place at the end of the day . I’ve always been the same even when we had small children .

Love51 · 17/05/2021 11:27

The only time my house was tidy when my children were that age was when I was trying to sell the house. It took a Herculean effort that wouldn't have been worth it aside from the house sale.

Love51 · 17/05/2021 11:28

When I moved to a bigger house it was a lot easier. There is only so much you can reasonably declutter!

Florencenotflo · 17/05/2021 11:36

You're not alone. I have a 5 year old (at school) and a nearly 2 year old. We both work full time as well. We seem to be drowning in stuff most days!

On Friday I had:

5 loads of clean washing to put away.
A toy room needing blitzing
Both kids needed their drawers clearing of all outgrown clothing
General housework

DH did all the housework and bathrooms. I managed to get the washing put away and I cleared out the kids outgrown clothes. But now all that has achieved is I now have 3 bags of kids clothes, 1 to be stored for dd2 to grow into, 2 that now need sorting into bundles and putting on Facebook. These will probably sit in the spare room for a few weeks until I get really fed up of them.

The toys were cleared out and organised not long ago. We bought more storage, charity shopped outgrown stuff and threw broken bits. It looked lovely for about 5 mins. But now everything is in the wrong place and out of the boxes/tubs.

The pile of paperwork that I sorted recently is piling back up. The shit cupboard is overflowing again... it's constant and endless.

Don't stress about it. Do what you can. If your mum is that bothered suggest she takes the kids for a few hours so you could get on!

Hardbackwriter · 17/05/2021 11:40

I have a 3 year old and a baby and our house is appalling but we just both feel we can't do any more than we are without making ourselves absolutely miserable. The only way we could keep the house tidier and cleaner is for DH and I to go from having very little leisure time to none, and that's no way to live!

I think people forget just how relentless it is having very young children - I adore my PILs but they had one child, MIL never worked after he was born and FIL has been retired for 20 years (since he was 51!). They are regularly shocked at the things we let slide in terms of home maintenance but I think they either don't know or have forgotten how little time we actually get, and I suspect their house hasn't always been the show home it now is - my own parents now have an immaculate house but I can remember that it wasn't like that when we were little!

Orangebug · 17/05/2021 11:41

YANBU and your mum sounds like a pain in the arse!

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 17/05/2021 11:42

God no! You're doing great. Tell your mum to stop sticking her nose in.

I have a messy house too, but in case it's any help here's a couple of things which are making it better for me:

  • Every time I put the kettle on to boil, I try to tidy up 10 items while it's boiling. So put away things on the kitchen surface, clear the table a bit or clear toys out of the kitchen.
  • While my DC is in the bath, I sit in the hallway where I can see them folding clothes into piles to put in drawers. We have a big plastic box in our upstairs hall where all the clean laundry goes for folding after the line/tumble-dryer.
  • I also clean the bathroom when my DC is in the bath.
  • I have a dedicated "tidy time" when I put the TV on, tell DC "Mummy is tidying up" and try to spend the next 15 minutes/length of an episode completing one task.
  • I get my DC (3yo) to put away his toys before dinner and to wipe down the table with me after dinner so it's all clean when we go upstairs for his bath.
  • I've just started getting my DC to help me empty the dishwasher. He brings me the things to put away.

That said, I only have one child and you have two, including a young toddler who you have to keep safe. You also work almost full-time hours. So of course something has to give and it's going to be the housework (better than the kids and your job).

Laserbird16 · 17/05/2021 11:42

Hahaha yeah your mum can lump it if she doesn't like it.

I have a cleaner who I love as just for one evening a fortnight I can imagine I'm not constantly wading through hair clips, rubber bands, Lego blocks, feathers, pencil shavings, ponies, bears, cars...any flat surface is fair game for clutter tetris

Cocomarine · 17/05/2021 11:53

Your mum is rude.

I would say it’s your choice to have a messy house though - you definitely could have a tidy house.

You’re not unreasonable to choose untidy though!

In my experience, tidy people have tidy houses not matter how many kids they have and what hours they work. Messy people could work half the hours with half the kids and still be messy!

Nannewnannew · 17/05/2021 11:53

Your mum is ridiculous! Please don’t let it get to you, it’s just not worth the stress. It would be different if it was worrying you but it’s just none of your mums business.

I used to work 30 hours a week as a nurse and I know how tiring the job is, plus all the courses and revalidation on top, and I didn’t have young children, so I think you’re doing an amazing job.