Whose fault is this? (Things going missing edition) CORRECTED

[OscarGotTheBlame]

Who is being unreasonable here? I'll try to keep it short and neutral.

Pair of trousers left on the bedroom floor with receipts in the back pocket. Four weeks or so later, those trousers turn up cleaned on the clothes airer without the receipts. Noone knows where receipts have gone so assumed that the cleaner must have emptied the pockets and thrown them away (very unlike her, but only real explanation).

Washing is usually Partner 1's household job (as agreed between Partner 1 and Partner 2 as a trade of chores) but cleaner has started to throw in a load or two when she's here too.

Who is responsible for the missing receipts (excluding the poor cleaner!)?

Partner 2 (for leaving trousers and receipts in the floor in their own home) or Partner 1 (because laundry is Partner 1's job and therefore they are responsible when something like this happens since their delegating part of it to someone else)?

YES: Partner 1 (laundry delegator) is at fault

NO: Partner 2 (trouser leaver is at fault)

If the receipts were in the pocket that'd be exactly where he'd find them in my house.

In the form of the lovely washed paper confetti.

All clothes are picked up when I do laundry unless they are in the wardrobe or the designated clean basket. Pockets are not checked unless it practically flies at me. Many a receipt and memory stick have been washed.

Refuse to wash anything not in the laundry basket. Put a disclaimer on the lid saying you are not responsible for the contents or lack thereof of the pockets before or after washing. Alternatively pile everything on his side of the bed. Points for spiky things. Put the quilt over it.

Partner 2

@NeverDropYourMooncup I am inclined to agree with you. I honestly don't think he's tell me if he found them somewhere else at this point.

To those suggesting putting everything in a big box, we have had that agreement before for when I'm tidying elsewhere in the house. Anything of his that was clearly out of place (but I either wasn't sure what it was / where it belonged) would go in a particular designated spot in the house to be dealt with whenever he wanted to or felt like it. This was scrapped because apparently I wasn't careful enough with how I placed things in that area and some obscure things that I later learnt were small machine parts were bent. This fed into the row as he thinks this shows I have no respect for his things and don't give a shit unless they're mine.

Honestly, I find it a lot harder to have respect for someone else’s things if their behaviour suggests that they don’t have much respect for their own things.

And by that I mean behaviour such as leaving possessions on the floor, or somewhere else that’s clearly out of place. If someone genuinely values an item and has respect for it, why leave it somewhere where it could easily be accidentally stood on, broken or lost?
Such as these receipts - if he’s unconcerned enough about them to leave them in a pair of trousers on the floor for 3 weeks, why is someone else supposed to understand that they’re worth something to him?

I have no respect for his things and don't give a shit unless they're mine

Why should you give a shit about them? He clearly doesn't.

He's utterly ridiculous and in the wrong.

Thank you. I doubt what's reasonable when he's so emphatic and outraged. I feel a massive relief getting an outside perspective just confirming that I'm not going mad.

He's calmed down and has sought to make up and apologise for the situation without really suggesting he's in the wrong or caused it (no idea whether he still thinks he was justified or not).

He's been a great partner for well over a decade of being together, often going above and beyond to support me and make me feel loved which makes me want to get to the bottom of all this and support him when there's clearly something going on here. But there's only so much nerve-shredding I can take waiting for the other shoe to drop again. I'm hoping lockdown lifting and a bit of a return to normality will help relieve some of this pressure.