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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want her to pick son up?

31 replies

Landja · 16/05/2021 11:05

Son really struggles with naps and will take ages to settle, he'll only nap in his pushchair. Yesterday me and partner finally got him settled and he was going to sleep. We then got to partners mums and she picked him up and of course he started screaming again. I then tried to settle him again and he wouldn't so he didn't sleep much yesterday and he was overtired for bedtime so he took ages to settle then aswell when he's usually good at nighttime sleep.

His mum just said don't worry he'll be fine if he misses one nap. He is her first grandchild but I have no idea why she needed to wake him up. She didn't see him much when he was a newborn but she saw him often (as partner lived with her at the time).

Aibu?

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 16/05/2021 12:05

No she shouldn’t - but did you tell her he was napping and not to be woken? If not be super clear next time, and obviously if she continues to ignore you she will see him less. gPs can be over enthusiastic, but if she knows the score she should temper it.

JackieTheFart · 16/05/2021 12:10

I think you’re being a bit precious tbh unless this isn’t a one off like you describe? Irritating no doubt but missing one nap doesn’t haven’t a cumulative effect.

LindaEllen · 16/05/2021 12:17

It sounds like I'm in the minority here, but I don't think you should ever pick up a sleeping baby just for the hell of it - surely people know how difficult it can be to get them to sleep in the first place?!

Pinkdelight3 · 16/05/2021 12:17

It's no biggie. Just time your visits better next time so he's napped enough en route. She was probably just excited to see him.

insancerre · 16/05/2021 12:31

In her excitement of seeing him she let her need overshadow his need
It’s not the end of the world
Next time just be more assertive and ask her to wait till he wakes up before she has a cuddle

Onceuponatime1818 · 16/05/2021 12:36

If you said son is sleeping please leave him
Be and she did that then I would be annoyed

DarkedOne · 16/05/2021 12:37

@LindaEllen

It sounds like I'm in the minority here, but I don't think you should ever pick up a sleeping baby just for the hell of it - surely people know how difficult it can be to get them to sleep in the first place?!
Me too. I'd make it clear next time that he's sleeping and she can pick him up once he's awake. Our first barley slept the first 12 months. Lack of sleep is so hard.
Seeline · 16/05/2021 12:38

How old is he?

2pinkginsplease · 16/05/2021 12:40

Tell her that’s if she can’t follow your rules then you don’t visit! Why would anyone’s pick up a sleeping baby, let them rest.

otterbaby · 16/05/2021 12:43

You're NBU but I would've made it clear when we arrived that he was asleep and needed to finish his nap before cuddles. It's important to start setting these boundaries and expectations now 🙂

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 16/05/2021 13:08

Don't understand why anyone would pick up a sleeping baby unless they had to be moved somewhere. Just leave them be. Massively unreasonable to disturb their rest for no reason.

Latinorapida · 16/05/2021 13:09

@LindaEllen

It sounds like I'm in the minority here, but I don't think you should ever pick up a sleeping baby just for the hell of it - surely people know how difficult it can be to get them to sleep in the first place?!
@LindaEllen completely agree !!
334bu · 16/05/2021 13:13

Everybody knows that you leave sleeping babies alone unless there is a real pressing need to wake them and to have a cuddle is definitely not a pressing need. Next time just say pleasedon't lift him, any sane person would understand.

phoenixrosehere · 16/05/2021 13:25

You're NBU but I would've made it clear when we arrived that he was asleep and needed to finish his nap before cuddles.

NBU, but unless MIL is blind, she surely can see that OP’s child is sleeping and shouldn’t try to lift him without checking.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/05/2021 13:38

YANBU. I'd be really annoyed at her response as well to be honest, of course he will be fine as in it wont damage him but having a grouchy overtired child who wants to be picked up later when you're cooking dinner when they would usually be happy playing by themselves, and then a nightmare bed time when they wont settle and your evening is ruined...depending on the child, missing a nap can pretty much spoil the rest of your day. I know things happen, doorbell get rung and dogs bark and babies wake up etc but that's unavoidable. Picking up a sleeping baby is stupid. I'd be mad if someone woke me up to give me a cuddle just because they were impatient to wait. So she could fuck off if she thought that was an ok thing to do again.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/05/2021 13:40

Well she probably shouldn't have picked him up but she also probably didn't mean any harm. Also just wondering if he was asleep in his pushchair had you walked to MIL, was he in his outdoor clothes, was she going to take his coat off?

JackieTheFart · 16/05/2021 14:44

Of course no one thinks you should pick up a sleeping baby Confused

But seriously, as a one off, does it really matter that much? If they arrive there again, OP or her partner can stop MIL from doing it again. Pretty high handed to be talking about boundaries and fuck off’s when it seems the MIL was just overwhelmed by seeing their grandchild for the first time in ages!

Cherrysoup · 16/05/2021 14:54

Just tell her no, don’t care how excited she is to see him, she doesn’t need to wake him.

Dobbyisahouseelf · 16/05/2021 15:25

Surely this is the 1st rule of parenting NEVER wake a sleeping baby. I wouldn't be happy if my MIL did this, disclaimer unless your child had napped for 3 hours.

andivfmakes3 · 16/05/2021 15:29

The hysterical advice about not waking a sleeping baby is at odds with how babies are cared for in NICU/SCBU - they wake those babies every 3 hours to feed them and wouldn't have done that if it was harming them

Also after 12 weeks the general advice is not to let babies sleep more than 3 hours

Anyway - if you are local to her I would have messaged her and said he's just down for a nap and you'd be over later? Or if you are coming round he needs to finish his nap whilst he's there

It's pretty cruel to take a baby round to visit and expect no one to touch them if they are sleeping

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 16/05/2021 15:32

Poor Granny wants a cuddle with her Grandson, just time your visit better next time for when he's awake.

Hankunamatata · 16/05/2021 15:56

Bit mean to take him to grannies and not expect her not to cuddle him

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 16/05/2021 16:06

It's pretty cruel to take a baby round to visit and expect no one to touch them if they are sleeping

Cruel to expect an adult to wait for a baby to wake up before picking them up and passing them round? How would you feel if your mother in law woke you up from a deep sleep when you were shattered because she fancied a cuddle?

Original poster
Landja · 16/05/2021 16:16

He fell asleep on the way, we were trying to get him to sleep before but he wouldn't even though we could tell he was tired. She knew he was asleep but she said he'd be fine missing a nap but after that he didn't go back to sleep and he wouldn't settle last night so me and partner didn't get much sleep nor did DS.

OP posts:
Minstrelsgetinmybelly · 16/05/2021 16:20

Noooooooo my children are awful sleepers and if someone interrupted their naps meaning I then got less sleep at night I would be so annoyed.

If you have never had a bad sleeper then it’s hard for people to understand.

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