To use a wheelchair?

[MrsKJones]

I'll keep details brief and generic in case I'm recognised.
My child,11, was recently diagnosed with autism. We find that shopping trips, particularly to large stores or centres can trigger them. We have found that music helps keep them calm so we use this quite a lot. We try to shop during quieter times to minimise stress or leave them with family while we shop but sometimes, like this weekend this is not possible and we need to go during the day and take them with us. I went prepared with a drink and snack and their music (played through headphones on their phone). I also had the sunflower lanyard which they chose to wear. We got probably halfway across one floor before they asked to sit in the trolley and take shoes off (they really dislikes wearing shoes and will remove them at the first opportunity). We allowed this as they had been really well behaved up until then and I didn't want to trigger an autistic response.

Sorry this becoming longer than I intended; basically what I am asking is, am I being unreasonable to consider using a wheelchair for them if we have to go to a large shop/shopping centre so they can sit comfortably and listen to music while we get stuff done?

That sounds perfectly reasonable.

Can you borrow wheelchairs from the supermarket? Or would you need to buy one?

No, you wouldn’t be unreasonable to use a wheelchair if they can’t walk with headphones.

However can I just ask, from your description your child seems on the more serious scale of autism, yet you say the diagnosis is recent, and 11 is relatively old if the condition is severe enough that you would consider a wheelchair to enable them to shop etc.

What did you do before the diagnosis? Has anything changed since or have are you managing things differently now it has a name?

My parents have one we could borrow for planned excursions

Our diagnosis is recent as we have been fighting for the last 4 years to be seen. Covid has meant that shopping had become none existent. Again we usually leave child with family if we have to go shopping but recent illness has meant that we can't do that at present. And we have changed our shopping from going to supermarket to click & collect. Also during lockdown our child seems to have gotten worse and music as a relaxer is a fairly recent discovery

Of course it's not unreasonable.

You need to do what you need to do for your child - sod what anyone else thinks!

Seems completely reasonable.

YANBU. My friend has an autistic pre teen who uses a wheelchair for shopping trips for the same reason, plus the child is prone to running off and has no sense of danger, and is also very big and strong for their age which makes it difficult to physically restrain them from putting themselves into a dangerous situation. Using the wheelchair along with ear defenders and a blanket to hide underneath in case of sensory overload has improved the situation where a trip to the shops is unavoidable.

Of course you would not be unreasonable to use a wheelchair. Many many people are ambulatory wheelchair users, you do not need to be paralysed to use one.

I am sure it will have a positive effect on your family life. Please use one without a second thought.

Goodness of course it's ok. There aren't any rules about who can and cannot use a wheelchair. It sounds like a fantastic idea. Wishing you all the best.

Iceland do free grocery delivery from online orders and they usually are not booked up for deliveries and do next day as well. Probably other supermarkets do the same.

Go for it, you’re improving the experience for both of you.

You say ‘we’. Is it not possible for one of you to do the shopping while the other has your child at home or takes them somewhere less triggering?

Sounds perfectly reasonable but you are saying as ‘we’ - do you mean you and your partner? Why do 2 adults have to go shopping?

I think it’s important that you continue to go shopping instead you f relying on online deliveries etc. It’s a part of real life which will become
More popular and common again as we move out of lockdown. Does your dc enjoy shopping when using the chair?? I don’t think you can ‘shield’ them from this part of life and it’s important to expose them to it I think. Definitely yes to using the wheelchair.

Of course you can use a wheelchair, but wouldn't it be less stressful all round just to carry on with click and collect. With things returning more to normal there are more spaces available with supermarket on line shopping.

It sounds like you have a lot going on OP, but to answer your specific question, a wheelchair sounds completely acceptable for your circumstances.

My son has autism, he can walk, run etc has endless energy sometimes. Other times it's too much and he wants to be carried or he'll sit down where he is. Other times where we are is too much sensory wise and he needs somewhere to go. Throw in very limited communication and no sense of danger.

He has a wheelchair which was supplied by the nhs prior to this he had a special needs buggy. How would he manage on school trips? Is it now at a point where he needs fir this too? If so ask for a referral to posture and mobility or wheelchair services and they should supply one to enable education. There are also charities which can provide them too. It's better to get one suited to his needs than borrow one if you can.

Also make sure you apply for a blue badge and the mobility component of dla.

Many families with children who have autism use sen buggies or wheelchairs. It's a horrible feeling but it maybe the best thing for you all to be able to go out together.

Ps, he and you and your family have as much right to go out as everyone else. If you want to go out dont letanyone tell you you shouldn't x

Just thinking on, sorry for replying again. If your child hasn't had a sensory or assessment this may help also.

My 11 year old is autistic and has a wheelchair through wheelchair services (he has a variety of needs) and it certainly makes life a lot easier.

That said I still completely avoid shops with him unless it’s an emergency

It's not unreasonable but I would also suggest that it's important to persevere with routine. My dd is autistic and around that age it was a bit of a nightmare, lots of staring when she had tantrums lying in the floor etc but we did stick to our guns, she learned the social rules by sheer persistence. She's semi independent at 22 and I'm hopeful she will transition to full independence rather than needing supported living.

I was pretty pig headed all along though, I refused to accept she couldn't or wouldn't do things and we mainstream educated with support rather than the special unit the council wanted her to attend. She was diagnosed at 2 though so I had lots of early support and she had early intervention aba therapy

I should add we used a pushchair until 7, she was light and slight so fitted.

We have a special needs buggy which we find really helpful. We often take it out with us & don’t use it but you never know when you’ll need it.

We also sometimes use the adapted trolley that has a seat large enough for my son. No one has challenged us about it & he does struggle with shopping.

So no YANBU.

Go for it. Do whatever makes your lives easier. I say that as a mum of a 9 year old with severe and complex autism.

Thank you.

To clarify, when I say shopping I mean non-food shopping. We will continue click & collect as it helps keep us in budget plus our child has dietary requirements that means we have to buy certain/special foods.

With regards to shopping alone, we (DH & I) often do, however for larger purchases it needs both of us to make a decision

I think we will try the wheelchair on our next excursion and see how we go

Supermarkets and shopping centres in general can be hell for anyone who has sensory processing overload.

MrsKJones Do whatever you need to make the supermarket and any other excursions as safe and as comfortable as possible for your child. Like the rest of us, you need to adapt things for your own child and it's always a matter of trial and error to get the right combination of 'kit' for the days they need it.

A weighted lap-pad or gilet or compression vest may also help, as well as a thin blanket to hide under when it all gets too much.

reallyreallyborednow the waitlist for autism diagnosis in England was around 18 months to 2 years in many areas pre-Covid, it's much longer now. Many children referred for assessment are not diagnosed immediately and parents are told to wait and see, despite their childrens' behaviour being obviously different to their peers and challenging. The full diagnostic process can take years and is often described as a nightmare by parents.