How do you politely tell someone to butt out without causing an family argument?

[ShutUpAlex]

I have an uncle and his girlfriend who I see maybe twice a year and really aren’t close too. They travelled down to see us a few days ago and were talking about my wedding next year.

They’ve made all sorts of assumptions and when I’ve politely corrected them on facts like the ceremony just being a few witnesses and the reception being for everyone they’ve reacted quite heatedly and are now just pretending that I haven’t said that and are messaging me constantly about the day, the wedding breakfast, the hen party etc ( all things they’re not invited too).

I’ve literally met this woman maybe 6 times and she’s messaging me constantly, trying to organise things and I’ve told her to just leave it, we’ve only just booked the damn thing and still aren’t sure ourselves what’s going on.

They’re also trying to use my grandparents against me, saying they would be mortally offended not to come to the ceremony, they won’t want to drive, they won’t want to stay blah blah. I’ve already spoken to my grandparents they are fine, they eloped themselves and even gifted us the deposit for the venue. I have already arranged the accommodation for my grandparents and I am driving them myself as they live near us.

I really want to say, fuck off and leave me alone you’re no coming but obviously don’t want to cause a huge issue.

Aibu to just fuck them off all together. Am I being a bridezilla? I’m also pregnant and a bit not myself but I’m so annoyed. It’s supposed to be a really laid back affair and now it just feels irritation.

Block her number, ignore her, don't answer.

Is this your mother or fathers sibling? Are they in a position to have a word?

Fathers sibling.

My dad really can’t stand her. I’m just trying to negotiate it without causing a fallout because my family fallouts are horrendous.

I’d block or just give closed comebacks. ‘Your grandparents…!’ ‘Spoke to them, all sorted’
‘Hen do?’ ‘Not having one!’
‘Wedding breakfast?’ ‘Not having one’

Next message send back
Sorry you must have the wrong number...

Thank you for all your interest in my wedding but I’ve decided not to discuss any more details or it will spoil the surprise for everyone.

Tell them to fuck off = family fall out = they will stop talking to you = sorted.

But I don’t want a family fallout because people will take sides and it will turn into a massive thing. Some of my family have only just started talking to eachother this year after a funeral fallout 15 years ago!

I think @TheProvincialLady answer is good one thabkyou.

Just stop responding to her texts. Respond to every 4th or 5th one with “haven’t really decided yet, we’ll let you know once it’s all arranged!” “Like I say, still up in the air! Thanks for taking an interest!” “Thanks Janet!” “Thanks Janet!” “Thanks Janet!” Grey rock. Hopefully she will get bored eventually.

"The wedding isn't until next year. Few decisions have been made yet, so there's absolutely nothing new I can tell you, apart from what I've already said (insert the stuff about witnesses only etc). But be assured that as and when things are finalised you'll know."

The only thing I’ve responded so far is “we don’t know what’s happening yet, we only booked it on Monday.”

She has sent me 23 separate messages and I’m due to see her in a few weeks 😩

She sounds deranged - 23 messages ! I agree grey rock.

Just carry on ignoring then. Do you have to see them in a couple of weeks? I’d be self-isolating - are you sure you don’t feel a bit of a cough coming on?

She has sent me 23 separate messages

Saying what exactly?

I think the approach of saying "all sorted!" is the least likely to stir them up.

I stood up to family members about 15 months ago and one has treated me like a ghost ever since (while lovebombing everybody else) and my mother has thrown herself up on the cross like she was the victim of my request for a boundary to be respected. How dare I.

“What time is the wedding breakfast and what are we wearing?”
“We have phone the local b&b and are going to book all the rooms so you can arrange with people if they want one.” This is the most annoying one. I don’t want to be a middle man, people can arrange their own accommodation!

“Bring a travel a cot and I will babysit the baby.” Umm, no you won’t.

It’s just constant. I’m just ignoring her mostly.

Also, "I haven't decided yet" or a variation on that message, ad infinitum to communicate I will decide.

@ShutUpAlex

But I don’t want a family fallout because people will take sides and it will turn into a massive thing. Some of my family have only just started talking to eachother this year after a funeral fallout 15 years ago!

I think @TheProvincialLady answer is good one thabkyou.

But you only see them twice a year. It can’t be THAT massive a thing.

Don’t bother beating about the bush. Be upfront and tell them it’s nobody’s business but yours and your partner’s.

I only see them twice a year. But other family members see them a lot more and are closer to them.

"I'm confused. Why would you book an entire hotel for a wedding you aren't invited to?"
.

@StevenYerTeasReady

"I'm confused. Why would you book an entire hotel for a wedding you aren't invited to?"

That's a great line. In fact, that should be the OPs reply if they message again!

I think the 'Thanks Janet' to each text is priceless.
I will be using that!!
If they book stuff then they pay for it.
And you deny all knowledge....

OR

THIS IS NOT YOUR WEDDING - WE ARE MAKING OUR OWN ARRANGEMENTS FOR OUR WEDDING AND WHEN WE ARE READY WE WILL LET THE PEOPLE WE HAVE DECIDED TO INVITE TO OUR WEDDING KNOW THE ARRANGEMENTS....

And block

She is fucking batshit.

She is literally no one to you.

What the fuck is she thinking.

FFS, tell her to shut the hell up and piss off.

Seriously, if it causes a family fall out, let it. It would be preferable to months on end of this shit.

Plus it sounds like she's going to try and interfere over your baby too.

Stop it now.
It will give any family hurt feelings time to smooth themselves over by the time it's all due to happen.

I’m never letting her meet my baby

She had a nephew that she’s obsessed with and talks about like he’s hers and thinks she can give parenting advice even though she has none of her known. She’s honestly my least fave person but I do love my uncle which is why she invited to the evening.

Has a nephew*