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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you have older children....

58 replies

PointerDoi · 14/05/2021 23:25

Do you still feel the same as when they were little?

I have very young DC and I love them so completely. But the thought of them being older makes me sad and I wonder if I'll miss it/feel differently when there are no more sticky hands grabbing my face for a kiss or needing a cuddle when hurt/scared etc...

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 14/05/2021 23:29

Yes. Still love them just as much. My boys are in their 20s now. It's a different relationship from when they were small of course, but it's just as nice. They might not need cuddles so much, but whenever they come home I get wrapped up in these enormous, wonderful bear hugs and that's very special

3scape · 14/05/2021 23:32

My teens are so full of energy and life. They talk about things with such enthusiasm. It's so lovely to see. They need their cuddles and reassurance from me a lot too.

ArabellaRockerfella · 14/05/2021 23:32

I have 3 older children (15, 21, 23) and miss their younger years terribly. Looking back they were the best of times. Recently we have been plagued by anxiety, exam stress, relationship disasters, self harm and eating disorders. It really is so stressful and I feel overwhelmed by it all.
Sorry to be so negative but I would love to be back with babies and toddlers again :(

HoneyDragon · 14/05/2021 23:33

Yes I love them just as much. And they still need a cuddle when they’re hurt and scared as young adults. You never stop being their mum in that sense.

Original poster

PointerDoi · 14/05/2021 23:34

Thank you, I know it probably seems like an odd question and I can't imagine ever not loving them of course. It just seems hard to picture the love I feel now for little DC, for a grown person if that makes sense?

OP posts:

TheSmallAssassin · 14/05/2021 23:35

I feel like my teens as toddlers and little children were almost completely different people in a different life, who I miss, BUT they are still totally amazing in new ways (and equally as frustrating and challenging) And need us as much as before, but differently.

HadEnoughOfBears · 14/05/2021 23:35

TBH I think they need you more when they get a bit older

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/05/2021 23:37

My DD is almost 9 and beginning to pull away from cuddles, asked me not to call her the affectionate name I have for years etc. It does sting a little but at the same time she's growing into a pretty awesome human and I love watching that and being part of it.

I don't miss the tantrums and sleepless night though

notacooldad · 14/05/2021 23:37

The teens were the best years ever. I absolutely loved it. Both kids are in their early 20's and I still get cuddles and kisses from them!
I love them just as much if not more than ever.
They are fabulous!

mumofone2019 · 14/05/2021 23:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2021 23:39

Imo it’s brilliant when they get older!

They are “real”’people with personalities of their own. It’s great to see them develop as individuals and how they deal with everything that comes along/ what their likes and dislikes will be etc

Original poster

PointerDoi · 14/05/2021 23:40

I was having a conversation with my Mum about it the other day too, I asked if she missed me being little and she said that basically at every stage there have been things that she misses from younger years and new things that she loves.

I'm very interested, I find it hard to picture myself as a Mum to older children one day

OP posts:

Fixitup2 · 14/05/2021 23:40

My 9 year old is incredibly loving. He walks with his arm around me, likes holding hands all the time, happily gives me kisses and cuddles even in front of friends without me asking. He sits on my knee watching tv and cuddles during films. It feels more amazing than when he was small for some reason

FarTooMuchWashing · 14/05/2021 23:43

My teens seem so different to the toddlers they were, but they are wonderful (and infuriating) and every so often I see the toddler peeking out.
I’m in my 40s and today I cuddled my own mum for the first time in almost a year. We both needed it - I’m sure she misses the little me, but I know she still loves me, and I’m expecting the same for my kid

ThatchersCold · 14/05/2021 23:47

Mine are awesome now they’re older. Much prefer that I can have interesting, funny conversations with them and also have some independence again because they are more independent themselves. I’m not a little kid person though to be fair 🤣

whiteroseredrose · 14/05/2021 23:50

Yes and no. Each stage is wonderful in its own right (including teens). I adore my young adult DC for the interesting and lovely people that they have become.

However I do still sometimes wish that I could have kept a 3 year old and a 7 year old version of them both just to have fun with occasionally.

LifeExperience · 14/05/2021 23:54

Mine are adults and I love them as much as ever. If anything, my feelings are stronger, because I don't just love them, I really like them. I now know them in more dimensions--I know them as friends in an adult to adult relationship and I know them as compassionate, successful, giving members of the human family. It's wonderful!

Peakypolly · 14/05/2021 23:55

Every stage of parenting has been my favourite so far - and my eldest is 26!
The baby and toddler years are full of touch and now love is felt in many other ways, such as shared laughter and empathy during challenging times. Seeing your DC become worthwhile members of the human race, with opinions often so different to your own, is awesome.
If they are hurt or scared they may still need their parents reassurance (and cuddles) but equally seeing them be resilient reassures you that you did your job.
There is no less love from me - but it is a bit difficult to sneak in to watch them sleeping like I did when they were little!

KurtWilde · 14/05/2021 23:58

Oh yes absolutely! My older ones are just into their 20s now and I'm immensely proud of them. The relationship is different but we're so close, so much love. As a PP said it's like they're different people from the babies and young children they once were, and I do miss that, but they're wonderful young adults and I can now call them friends too. My younger ones are still primary aged.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/05/2021 23:58

Yes I love them even more though I dislike their behaviour sometimes so it can have more challenges.
DD was my best miniature plaster as a baby and young DC now she is hormonal and moody age 12 now we'll always have a bond.
DS aged 6 still loves me he'll give cuddles and kisses.

Quitelikeacatslife · 14/05/2021 23:59

I remember once when mine were little and just so cute , we were on holiday and I felt sorry for this family (of complete strangers) as their kids were older , weird I know as they were probably having a lovely time. Mine are teens now and between the odd stop they are so much fun and I love seeing who they have become, it's different but great. I think when you look back you gloss over the hard times a lot too. Just enjoy each stage , try not to worry about what's gone.

BackforGood · 14/05/2021 23:59

It gets better and better as they get older.
You not only still have that fierce love, but you can also like them and admire the people that have become too.
All with the added bonus of not being sleep deprived, and of course they can drive you places pick you up from a night out , help you with things where their skills are better than yours.

Turtlesreallysmell · 15/05/2021 00:01

I've just had this conversation with a friend of mine, she has a 2 year old I have two 10 year olds. She is very much still in love and gushy about her baby and as much as I love mine it's very different.

Mine barely want to kiss or cuddle me anymore and God forbid I speak to them in the school playground, they'd die of embarrassment however as much as I do miss the cute cuddly stage I absolutely love the age they're at now, we have an amazing relationship, we sit and tell jokes to each other, love watching the same programmes and I enjoy them more now than I did when they were toddlers.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2021 00:02

@FarTooMuchWashing I'm glad you got to hug your mam. That's the next lovely part after teenage years the re-bonding with parents.
I loved my adult relationship with DM the most.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 15/05/2021 00:05

My teenager said something genuinely brilliantly funny the other day. I laughed hard. You love them the same as you did with the milky snuggles but you actually enjoy being a person with them outside of being Mum.

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