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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Seriously?!

57 replies

Couch2Potato · 14/05/2021 21:34

We're watching a movie, and my phone buzzes.
OH: "Who's that?"
Me: "Nobody - TikTok"
OH: "No, it was Whatsapp".
Me: "I don't have a notification from WA"
OH: "It was from Charlotte.."
Me: "Look scrolls through phone to show him, I don't have one."
OH: "I just saw it…"
Me: ".…"
OH: "Why are you being so defensive?"
Me: ".…"

We picked a film, that OH hadn't seen but I had.
After it had finished, I asked OHto put the TV on, as it was still sitting on Chomecast Homepage.
We were chatting for a little bit about my hair and I'm ask if we can put something on (as he'd put the footy on).
OH: "We just watched something you wanted to watch" …
End up getting into a row, so I saw I'm going to watch TV upstairs.
When I come out the loo upstairs, he's in bed.
Me: "are you watching TV up here?"
OH: "no"
Me: "ok.. I'm going to go downstairs"
OH: "don't you even want to be near me?"
Me: "Can't you accept my boundaries?"
OH: "So is that a no?"
Me: "No, I want to but I want some space."
OH: "So, you don't want to be around me… right now?"
Me: "No."

OP posts:
LondonMummer · 14/05/2021 22:14

@Whatsthescoop

Ring your mum or dad , tell them you're ready to be picked up & ignore him at school on Monday
😂😂😂
Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/05/2021 22:14

@MIC2689

Because you've had enough and he's feeling insecure so being extra needy and exhausting which makes you pull away more. Can you get away for a few nights? Although knowing me I'd have told him to fuck off and leave me alone.
I agree with this.

I'm just such a flipping people pleaser and want to fix everything!

He just thinks I'm overreacting. He summarises and says, "so you're angry because we watched something I want to...? "

OP posts:
Moonshine11 · 14/05/2021 22:15

I would go sit and have the time in my own he can sulk in bed 😂
But if your not happy in the relationship you don’t need a reason so to speak to leave, if your not happy that’s enough for me to walk away.

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/05/2021 22:15

@MIC2689

Seen your update. You don't need a reason. You can leave for no reason. That's your choice and your life.
Just have no idea how to approach it... I need an instruction guide to follow haha
OP posts:
MIC2689 · 14/05/2021 22:19

Cor I'm the worst person to ask on instruction guides to breaking up with people. Your face and voice annoys me? Haha. The longer you leave it, the needier he will get and the more suffocated you will feel. He likely knows already though which is why he's being the way he is.

Chillychili · 14/05/2021 23:19

He sounds like an ex, he was horrible and violent but it started like this

Casmama · 14/05/2021 23:52

"I'm leaving because you are exhausting to be around, questioning my every thought and action and it makes me utterly miserable. There has to be more to life than this. Goodbye"

Casmama · 14/05/2021 23:53

Perhaps followed by "I don't love you (anymore) and being with you makes me unhappy"

Teapotsandtablecloths · 14/05/2021 23:56

@user1493494961

Well, that's a couple of minutes I won't get back.
😂😂😂😂
rosamacrose · 15/05/2021 00:41

9pm and I'm sorting laundry.
OH enters kitchen, asks stiffly (as was his way):
"May I ask if there is any reason why you are out here rather than in the sitting room, watching the television with me?"
I replied:
"Yes. It's because I dont want to be your wife anymore."
That was the beginning of the end.
Still no idea why that answer popped out at that moment. It just did. Confused

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2021 08:09

Haha @rosamacrose

That's brilliant.

Op, it doesn't really matter how you say it. But, this will probably just get worse and worse, so you're going to have to say it some day. May as well get it out of the way before you waste any more of your life.

Peace43 · 15/05/2021 08:20

Was sitting at the dinner table watching him push his food around his plate and he sighed deeply (he did a lot of that!). I told DD to eat her veg (cue another deep sigh and an eye roll).

Out popped “I can’t do this anymore, you need to finish your dinner and leave....”. He did and we were divorced within 6 months.

There’s no right way to split up and he doesn’t need to do something terrible. Does he bring you joy? Is his presence in your life cumulatively a positive thing? If not then just tell him you’d like some time apart and would he please make arrangements to move out.

Butterbeers · 15/05/2021 08:26

That is such a non event, I don’t know why you bothered to write it.

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 15/05/2021 08:46

@Butterbeers

That is such a non event, I don’t know why you bothered to write it.
When this happens everyday, it because an event. And when you feel like a prisoner, it feels like an event. Thank you for your valued comment though
OP posts:
KateTheEighth · 15/05/2021 08:51

What a way to live

Bicker bicker bicker

You're both clearly unhappy so end it

ClareBlue · 15/05/2021 09:00

@MIC2689

Sounds like you both need a bit of space. Haha. No judgment. I blew up at OH today because he ate the last of the cheese.
Perfectly reasonable reaction to no cheese in the fridge.
Dishwashersaurous · 15/05/2021 09:02

Just leave.

Life is not meant to be permanently unhappy.

Move out and leave

MadeOfStarStuff · 15/05/2021 09:03

This just sounds exhausting

You don’t need a big row to leave a relationship, it no longer making you happy is a perfectly valid reason

EarringsandLipstick · 15/05/2021 09:10

@KateTheEighth

What a way to live

Bicker bicker bicker

You're both clearly unhappy so end it

This. ^

Why do you need an 'instruction manual'? You tell him it's not working & finish it. Organise practicalities.

Meowchickameowmeow · 15/05/2021 09:15

If you feel like a prisoner and can't be in the same room with bickering why are you staying?
You don't need an instruction manual, it's not rocket surgery. If you really can't face a big discussion/argument then pack a bag and leave while he's out, you can deal with the fallout later.

Meowchickameowmeow · 15/05/2021 09:16

Without bickering!

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2021 09:41

Op - is there nothing else stopping you other than not knowing how to say it?

Merryoldgoat · 15/05/2021 09:43

Not every relationship is meant to go the distance.
This one clearly isn’t.

You just look at him and say ‘this relationship isn’t working anymore - we need to go our separate ways’ and that’s that.

Depending on your lease you could be single and living alone by dinner tonight 👍🏽

Cherrysoup · 15/05/2021 09:43

Are you married? I don’t think you are getting on, so why continue when neither of you are happy? Just split, what’s stopping you? You just tell him yo7 want to separate, no instructions needed. Why be unhappy?

FabulouslyFab · 15/05/2021 09:49

@Whatsthescoop

Ring your mum or dad , tell them you're ready to be picked up & ignore him at school on Monday
😂😂😂👍
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