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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset about a goldfish

62 replies

catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:34

DS won a goldfish at a fair 6 years ago. (He was not with me - I do not approve of live animals being given as prizes but he came home clutching it)

I bought it a tank rather than the pitiful bowl it came with. And a top of the range filter, a snazzy air pump, some ornaments, gravel, plants, food and after a while some little friends (World's most expensive game of Hook a Duck ever IMO)

Over the last 6 years he thrived and was king of the tank and was about 8 inches long and actually had a personality (honestly). I fed him, cleaned him out and recently bought him an upgraded tank.

Anyway he got dropsy a week or so ago. I've been giving him epsom salt baths, antibiotics and peas but he was getting worse so this morning whilst DS was at school I euthanized him. Obviously I told DS he just went quietly to sleep and is in fishy heaven rather than that I murdered him with clove oil but I feel awful.

DS is upset of course but I am gutted. I never expected to bond with a fish. I know it's just a fish and far, far worse things happen but I keep thinking maybe another few salt baths or some more antibiotics and he would have pulled through :( AIBU to be stupidly upset by the demise of a fish? I actually just feel a bit fragile full stop at the moment so maybe it's everything else but I just want to go to bed and have a cry under the duvet

OP posts:
UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 14/05/2021 17:45

We had a chick die two weeks ago. It was only 5 days old, hadn't been right all along. I was cuddling it when it went. I'd only had 5 days to bond with it but it still hurt.

Taking care of any living thing creates a bond, especially for that long. Go easy on yourself, and well done for doing the merciful thing. That's hard.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:47

Ahh I am sorry about your chick @UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername thanks

OP posts:
MishMashMummy · 14/05/2021 17:47

Yanbu OP. I had a cherry barb get dropsy and we had to euthanise him - it’s a horrible feeling even when for the best. Sounds like you gave him a lovely few years in fishy utopia before the end Flowers

AngelDelightUk · 14/05/2021 17:48

Totally not. It’s amazing how attached we do get
My hamster died a couple of weeks ago and I’m still devastated

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:49

I'm sad for everyone else's scaly / furry friends passing and hope you are all ok but glad I am not mad to feel so sad for him :(

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:50

Dropsy is such a rotten thing :(

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2021 17:50

My goldfish, Bubbles, is 8 years old and lives in the kitchen. I adore him and he absolutely has a personality. Whenever I walk near his tank he gets so excited, makes me laugh every time. I will be crushed when Bubbles dies. I'm sorry about your little friend, op.

BagORats · 14/05/2021 17:51

I used to have a molly who would sit in my palm when I put my hand in the water. I only had her for about 2 years but was still upset when she died

Temp023 · 14/05/2021 17:53

I am very attached to my Boris. We have had him such a long time! (Tip: if you name them after people you don’t like they live a lot longer than if you call them nice names)
David Cameron died not long after the Brexit referendum, I was quite upset about him too.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:54

Living Boris for a gold fish :)

This was called Fishface (DS chose it)

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:54

Loving not living :)

OP posts:
CollieDug · 14/05/2021 17:56

YANBU at all. I took my (very big) goldfish to the vet because it was ill. she phoned me when I was at work to say she would need to put it down and I cried.

I know people will think I’m an idiot but I don’t care. They’re living creatures and we get attached to them.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:58

I don't think you're an idiot @CollieDug Sorry for your fishy loss

OP posts:
Cassilis · 14/05/2021 17:59

I would be a bit weirded out if you felt nothing!

I love all animals.

SunshineCake · 14/05/2021 18:01

YABU to feel stupid about being upset. You did all you could.

We bought three goldfish and over time added friends. We have one original goldfish left, we think he saw off everyone else, and he is now 14-15. I can't say I love him like I do the dog and cats but when he goes if will be sad as we won't get more fish.

You cared. That is never a bad thing.

RIP 🐠

Diddumz · 14/05/2021 18:02

I keep fish too and have had to euthanise with clove oil...

It's the kindest thing to do.

I get very sad when my fish die.

Your little fish had a wonderful life, considering he was a fairground victim.

I am disgusted that live animals are still given away as prizes Angry

ConstanceGracy · 14/05/2021 18:03

Not unfair at all.
I had a tropical tank with a Clown loach I called Clowny (original, huh?) and I had him from small and he got so big! I was devastated when he died and I won’t ever get another as I don’t want to replace him.

IhateBoswell · 14/05/2021 18:08

YANBU.
My partner took our daughter to the fair and they came back with a goldfish (Angry)
He lived for around 6 years and I grew very attached to him.

FelicityBeedle · 14/05/2021 18:12

I love my tropical fish, I get very sad if I lose one. I recommend a liquid test kit if you’re keeping on the tank, helps you diagnose your fish a lot more easily

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 18:14

I would never, ever have thought I would get attached to a fish but he was such a personality. Seems like I am not alone. I guess when you care for something you bond with it. Sorry for everyone's pet passings :(

Just to say though as @Diddumz has mentioned the clove oil was a kindness. I didn't know about it but googled the kindest way and it was so quick and stress free for him. A good thing to know about if you have fish and the worse happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 18:15

@FelicityBeedle I just have the little dip strips - is a liquid test better? I'll get that to ensure his little friends don't go the same way (obviously have done a really thorough tank clean)

OP posts:
Spodge · 14/05/2021 19:01

I'm sorry. You're not being at all unreasonable. I have got upset over the loss of every pet I have ever had, which includes several fish.

wildeverose · 14/05/2021 19:16

Gosh yanbu at all. I do not cope well with the passing of animals! My hamster passed last year, she was so poorly, her eyes had fused closed and I had to bathe them open, she looked up at me and the second she saw me she took her last breath and died. I genuinely think she waited for me to scoop her up so I was with her. I was a wreck, I sobbed for an hour still cuddling her. I now have a little remembrance plaque with her name and birthday and the day she passed. Animals really touch your heart in ways you didn't know they could. I'm so sorry about your fishy, but he had a wonderful life with you ❤️

FrozenCucumberPresse · 14/05/2021 19:37

You obviously didn’t think of him as ‘just a fish’ when he was alive, or you wouldn’t have spent so much time and money on giving him the best quality of life you could. So it wouldn’t make any sense if you didn’t feel something now he’s gone. You bonded, loved him, cared for his every need, and he’s died. You’d be made of stone not to care.

I’m sorry for your loss. I really dislike the whole ‘just a’ prefix. It feels so denigrating. He was a fish, no ‘just a’ about it, he was his own little being with his own life, his own needs, his own experience. And you did the best you could for him given his shit start to life. I absolutely abhor people who give away live animals like that, but he was very lucky he ended up with you Flowers

safariboot · 14/05/2021 19:40

He will be missed. Sounds like you gave him a good life.