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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset about a goldfish

62 replies

catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 17:34

DS won a goldfish at a fair 6 years ago. (He was not with me - I do not approve of live animals being given as prizes but he came home clutching it)

I bought it a tank rather than the pitiful bowl it came with. And a top of the range filter, a snazzy air pump, some ornaments, gravel, plants, food and after a while some little friends (World's most expensive game of Hook a Duck ever IMO)

Over the last 6 years he thrived and was king of the tank and was about 8 inches long and actually had a personality (honestly). I fed him, cleaned him out and recently bought him an upgraded tank.

Anyway he got dropsy a week or so ago. I've been giving him epsom salt baths, antibiotics and peas but he was getting worse so this morning whilst DS was at school I euthanized him. Obviously I told DS he just went quietly to sleep and is in fishy heaven rather than that I murdered him with clove oil but I feel awful.

DS is upset of course but I am gutted. I never expected to bond with a fish. I know it's just a fish and far, far worse things happen but I keep thinking maybe another few salt baths or some more antibiotics and he would have pulled through :( AIBU to be stupidly upset by the demise of a fish? I actually just feel a bit fragile full stop at the moment so maybe it's everything else but I just want to go to bed and have a cry under the duvet

OP posts:
Pinkylemons · 14/05/2021 19:43

Yanbu. Goldfish need big tanks (around 90 litres minimum for one) which is why they never live long indoors. The average age is around 15/20. I had one I’d had one for about 13 years. I was gutted when he died, he had so much personality.

I’ve got tropical tanks and have a tiny peckolita I’ve had about about 11 years. Google tells me average lifespan is 10 years. I’ll be gutted when he goes too despite hardly ever seeing him!

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 14/05/2021 19:44

6 years is a long time to take care of something, I’m not surprised you’re upset. RIP Fishface Flowers

AliceSprings123 · 14/05/2021 19:46

Maureen was a goldfish who'd turn pure silver by the time she died.
Ever been nagged by a goldfish? She'd got nagging (and sulking) down to a fine art!
She had her own Facebook page.
When she died we held an online wake for her.Grin

ArnoldJudasRimmer · 14/05/2021 19:48

YANBU in the slightest, and you didn't murder him with clove oil, you were kind in making sure that he didn't suffer, which, IMO, shows that you cared about his quality of life.
It's not silly to be upset, you had him for a long time and were obviously very fond of him.

BitOfAFaff · 14/05/2021 19:48

My funfair fish lasted longer than any other fish I've had.

I always have a little cry when my fish go. My last one also had dropsy.

cakewench · 14/05/2021 19:55

Hugs to you, OP. Funny how we get attached to the little living creatures around us. Fishface's backstory also helps, I imagine. RIP, Fishface. Flowers

Recoverystartsnow · 14/05/2021 19:56

Flowers Sounds like you did the best you could for him.

Posts like this restore my faith in humanity. No living thing is less worthy than any other.

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 14/05/2021 19:57

Sorry about your fish.

We had a tiny snail the size of a sesame seed hitch a ride into our fish tank on a plant. We watched it grow and became very fond of it. Believe it or not, it played! He would climb down to the bottom of the tank on the glass, get over to the bubbles from the filter, tilt his shell in order to catch some air underneath it, then float to the top. I swear we could hear him going "weeeeeeeeeeee" Then repeat! He'd do it over and over!
When he died I found his empty shell at the bottom of the tank. I kept it! Bless him!

So I won't judge you for getting attached to a fish - if you don't judge me for getting attached to a snail!

FrozenCucumberPresse · 14/05/2021 20:01

@PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears

Sorry about your fish.

We had a tiny snail the size of a sesame seed hitch a ride into our fish tank on a plant. We watched it grow and became very fond of it. Believe it or not, it played! He would climb down to the bottom of the tank on the glass, get over to the bubbles from the filter, tilt his shell in order to catch some air underneath it, then float to the top. I swear we could hear him going "weeeeeeeeeeee" Then repeat! He'd do it over and over!
When he died I found his empty shell at the bottom of the tank. I kept it! Bless him!

So I won't judge you for getting attached to a fish - if you don't judge me for getting attached to a snail!

That might be the sweetest, loveliest thing I’ve ever read on Mumsnet. I feel like I know and love your dearly departed snail and I never even got to know them! What a gorgeous animal.
Helptonight · 14/05/2021 20:11

Goodness this could have been written by me, I won a fish at the fair when I was 11ish and he lived for 14 years. Graduated from a fishbowl to a oblong tank to a filtered huge tank. He was a lovely pet and I was devastated when he died. We popped him a box and let him sail off down the Thames throwing roses at him! I cried for years every time I thought about him, they really are family regardless of species x

FelicityBeedle · 14/05/2021 20:16

The strips are ok but don’t remain accurate for long after opening hence why liquid is apparently better (I’m no expert)

picklemewalnuts · 14/05/2021 20:17

I sobbed when my fish died in transit. It was pre internet and I didn't know how best to transport them. I felt so so guilty.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 14/05/2021 20:20

Why shouldn’t you be upset over a fish? You care for something and you begin to care. Sometimes (mostly I think) it grows to love and you get used to this wee charge in your life. And it becomes family. And you do love.

And those you love, you mourn when they go. Be it horse, cow, dog,cat, budgie, fish or tiny miny snail.

We grow on love. You gave the wee soul the life of a king. And he grew from your love.

Be happy your son won him that day. You’ve grown your heart a wee bit more. Flowers

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 14/05/2021 20:37

FrozenCucumberPresse

Here's a pic of Mr Snail's shell, just for you.

To be really upset about a goldfish
PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 14/05/2021 20:40

*FrozenCucumberPresse
*
What's more, it turned out, Mr Snail was actually Mrs Snail and laid eggs under a leaf. The fish ate all but one which reached the same size but didn't it have the same playful streak.

To be really upset about a goldfish
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 20:48

There are some very kind and lovely posts on here - thank you

And full of love for the tiny, playful snail

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 14/05/2021 20:49

😍

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 14/05/2021 20:51

To the snail that went wheeeeee 🐌
and others we have loved. Wine 💜

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 14/05/2021 20:52

I'm sure your goldfish and Mr/Mrs Snail are swimming around fishy heaven!

tsmainsqueeze · 14/05/2021 20:54

@FrozenCucumberPresse

You obviously didn’t think of him as ‘just a fish’ when he was alive, or you wouldn’t have spent so much time and money on giving him the best quality of life you could. So it wouldn’t make any sense if you didn’t feel something now he’s gone. You bonded, loved him, cared for his every need, and he’s died. You’d be made of stone not to care.

I’m sorry for your loss. I really dislike the whole ‘just a’ prefix. It feels so denigrating. He was a fish, no ‘just a’ about it, he was his own little being with his own life, his own needs, his own experience. And you did the best you could for him given his shit start to life. I absolutely abhor people who give away live animals like that, but he was very lucky he ended up with you Flowers

Your words are lovely x
ConstanceGracy · 14/05/2021 20:55

@PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears

Sorry about your fish.

We had a tiny snail the size of a sesame seed hitch a ride into our fish tank on a plant. We watched it grow and became very fond of it. Believe it or not, it played! He would climb down to the bottom of the tank on the glass, get over to the bubbles from the filter, tilt his shell in order to catch some air underneath it, then float to the top. I swear we could hear him going "weeeeeeeeeeee" Then repeat! He'd do it over and over!
When he died I found his empty shell at the bottom of the tank. I kept it! Bless him!

So I won't judge you for getting attached to a fish - if you don't judge me for getting attached to a snail!

Jeez.. this made me tear up!
FrozenCucumberPresse · 14/05/2021 21:05

@PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears

FrozenCucumberPresse

Here's a pic of Mr Snail's shell, just for you.

What a beautiful shell! Thank you for sharing. And such a sweet soul inhabited that shell.

I love this thread, it’s a reminder that every other animal has their own worth and life too. ❤️

DeadButDelicious · 14/05/2021 21:08

YANBU at all, I have two goldfish and a snail and they absolutely do have personalities. And like PP have said you'd be made of stone not to be upset when you've given so much love and care to them. Dyson the snail is a firm family favourite and I will be ever so sad when something happens to him, same with Barry and Elsa (the fish).

You did everything you could, there's no coming back from Dropsy, it was a kindness letting him go.

Thanks
littlepattilou · 14/05/2021 21:15

YANBU.

littlepattilou · 14/05/2021 21:17

What a lovely uplifting heartwarming thread. Smile Mumsnet needs this!!!

@catgirl1976 Of COURSE you are not being unreasonable! It's easy to get attached to a sentient living creature. And goldfish are no different.

R.I.P. little fishy! ❤️ 🐠