Neighbour copying

[SilverSparkle]

Hi all, I’ve lived in the same house for over a decade and never done anything with the gardens. However this year my OH and I decided to do something with them so that we could enjoy them. We decided to do away with the grass in the small front garden and use lovely white pebbles all over with some rocks and potted plants etc. My neighbour who moved in a couple of years ago and doesn’t get on with anyone has pretty much copied our garden ie gone from grass/bark to white stones and a few other ideas from our back garden too. I know it shouldn’t bother me and I really wish it didn’t but it has. I think it’s because she’s a pretty hostile person and doesn’t get on with anyone but also because I was excited about finally doing the garden in our own taste and having it looking different. I’ve been telling myself it’s only a garden and there’s bigger things in life etc. and it’s a compliment but it has still bothered me. Is it unreasonable to feel like this or valid?

Get some dark pebbles or shale and draw a Cerne Abbas giant figure in your white pebbles with them. HAH.

@FlibbertyGiblets

Get some dark pebbles or shale and draw a Cerne Abbas giant figure in your white pebbles with them. HAH.

Or even better, create the figure in her gravel... 😇

Umm... more realistically(?!)... I guess it comes down to accepting that you can't control what she does to her garden. Could you try to re-frame your thinking and see it as a compliment?

Your feelings are valid, though... I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be a little miffed in your shoes, especially given the background!
On the bright side, at least her front garden doesn't clash with your taste, better to match than look awful!

I can understand your irritation that you have done all the thinking and research to get the garden you like and then someone you don't like has copied it. Nothing you can do though, apart from maybe make a couple of tweaks to yours and hope she doesn't follow suit.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. At the least the two gardens won't clash with each other.

I’m surprised at these responses - doesn’t having a similar garden make the overall appearance of your house more harmonious? It’s surely a good thing that she has followed your lead. It’s much worse when you see a beautifully maintained house next to a delapidated mess.

Would you rather your neighbour's garden looked ugly? Be glad you have a nice tidy garden next door.

What you've described is pretty trendy, it's attraction isn't dependant on uniqueness.

Having adjacent properties looking alike doesn't detract from each other, quite the opposite if anything.

Be grateful it's not a rusted out lawnmower, a straggly flag and a pile of burnt rags.

@GhostCurry

I’m surprised at these responses - doesn’t having a similar garden make the overall appearance of your house more harmonious? It’s surely a good thing that she has followed your lead. It’s much worse when you see a beautifully maintained house next to a delapidated mess.

I feel the same way. Honestly, I wish that the entire street would 'copy' the general theme/feel of my decor. I know a lot of people value uniqueness and that to them it gives the houses 'personality'. I can see where they're coming from. To me though, it's the difference between having a fashion collection with bright neon plastic shirts, baby pink ruffle blouses, and navy pinstripe suits, to having one with linen pieces in a variety of pale colours and cuts!

The garden you've described sounds fairly generic, if I drive around the streets where I live every 5th house has white pebble, some with a path through some without, pots of plants, occasionally one has a bird bath or feeder.... I'd get it if you'd done something unique but it sounds like you've followed a fairly generic trend (and I'm not being derogatory when I say that... I just mean it's not mad or "out there")!

Better than an old saggy sofa, three bins and a collection of broken toys. Oh, and an old, stained, mattress.

I think the issue is your garden isn’t unique, it’s fairly ubiquitous, gravelling it is really, really common in small gardens, so it’s a bit like saying I put grass in and she copied me.

It’s great though she must have thought you’re looked nice, but it’s quite possible they were considering it anyway, because it’s not an unusual thing to do.

The thing is, matching houses on a road make the houses look more appealing and can even raise house prices. It is a good thing.

I'm a member of lots of online gardening groups and the white pebbles/ potted plants look is very popular at the moment for urban gardens.

Maybe get some naughty gnomes to set yourself apart

Sounds like my garden.. You're not my neighbour though.

Small front Gardens matching is a good thing, and really there is only three main options, grass, gravel or tarmac/pave. Gravelling it is the cheaper of tarmac/pave and easily done.

As much as you don’t like her, she’s done a good thing in making them match and as said, it’s not like you’ve done something unique like put unusual paving and a tile path in, irs just gravelled over.

I'm sure your front is lovely now and I know the sense of achievement and enjoyment when you finally get something done in the garden/house but what you've described is pretty standard for a front. Rocks, white pebbles, potted plants, it's the go to for a front revamp. If you don't like your neighbour, you don't like your neighbour but I wouldn't pick this issue as a sign of her being wrong.

How sad.

You have destroyed a natural green habitat and replaced with stones and now they have copied.

I agree, a shame to remove grass, but that's not your AIBU.

Of course it's annoying but it could be worse, she could be playing loud music all the time or letting her dog shit in your front garden.

Agree with others that you need to reframe it in your mind as a compliment, and indeed a good thing that both gardens are similar and nice and tidy.

I hate these designs, gravel and a few potted plants scattered around. Looks so desolate. Never a great look tbh OP.

@GhostCurry

I’m surprised at these responses - doesn’t having a similar garden make the overall appearance of your house more harmonious? It’s surely a good thing that she has followed your lead. It’s much worse when you see a beautifully maintained house next to a delapidated mess.

That would be my thinking.

I wouldn't take out grass to put stones unless I didn't have any off street parking. But that's not your point!

I don't think we can help how we feel, so I don't think YABU to feel the way you do, however, I agree with most other posters

• be grateful it's not full of garbage etc instead
• be grateful they haven't 'done it up' in a way you hate (tacky shite, brightly painted stuff'

I'm sorry it's taken the shine off your happiness with your front garden & its uniqueness, but realistically it's really not unique!

I prefer grass too. The shiny pebble alternative gets tatty looking quickly too I've noticed, white doesn't keep clean outside surprisingly. Each to their own though.
As for the neighbour, sometimes I plan something for my house/garden but due to work etc. can't implement it for a few weeks. Maybe she's the same and thought of it before you even did yours? She probably saw it on the house round the corner which has it or in BandQ or in a magazine....any number of places months ago?

Loads of people having been working on their gardens during COVID and quite frankly if you are getting rid of the grass there that only leaves a couple of options.
Unless you have sourced really unusual pebbles rather than the generic versions you buy in all the diy sheds and she has gone and got the same then she is not really copying.
Plus with the masses all doing the same sort of works then she will be buying whatever is routinely available. A lot of diy items have really been hard to get hold of and the costs have sky rocketed. Even basic stuff like plaster and wood and had massive increases and have been hard to get at times.

She obviously just likes your garden, be flattered