Page 3 | Child maintenance

Labh · 2021-05-13 17:20:54

Need some advice... I have a 1 year old daughter. Me and my ex spilt when she was 4 months old. He Paid maintenance for couple months then refused so I went to CSA. He never paid for 4 months through them so they started taking the money from his work. I have never stopped him seeing our daughter even though he doesn’t want to financially support her. He has now quit his job so he doesn’t have to pay the money. Part of me wants to stop him seeing our daughter because what parent quits there job so they don’t have to support there child. Dunno what to do....

Starlightstarbright1 · 14/05/2021 08:29

Agree what is said ...

Message him Dd is available for contact on..... youneed to collect between 9 and 9.30 and return between....

Don't negotiate.

I also think the pay per view comment is crass. You have every right to feel annoyed he is not working to avoid paying you.

My ex hasn't worked in over 10 years. I keep my cms claim open if he is going to remain on low income till my ds is 18 so be it but what he won't do is get a good job and not support my ds.

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Breastfeedingworries · 14/05/2021 08:29

Id use it as a weeding out process, I just saw how my sisters dad destroyed her self esteem her worth! Waiting and he’s always late down a pub, disgustingly vile. When he had her he just took her pubs, she got a fag burn on her hand, (smoking inside times) so yeah I put my foot firmly down, be good parent in mostly every way or I won’t let you see her, yes could be awarded but I’d do dna, fight you so you missed a lot of time. Ect made that clear!

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Happycat1212 · 14/05/2021 08:30

My trouble with pay per view is those that think this is how it should work do you also then think dads who choose not to see their kids shouldn’t have to pay then? As it works both ways. My ex doesn’t want to see our children and I’ve had from him over the years “I don't see them so why should I pay”!

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forinborin · 14/05/2021 08:32

@Happycat1212

My trouble with pay per view is those that think this is how it should work do you also then think dads who choose not to see their kids shouldn’t have to pay then? As it works both ways. My ex doesn’t want to see our children and I’ve had from him over the years “I don't see them so why should I pay”!

To be fair, yes - I think there has to be an option for the father to rescind parental responsibility (and rights too). But I know it is an unpopular position.

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Breastfeedingworries · 14/05/2021 08:43

Well the child still costs the same if the father doesn’t see them? I think they should pay reguardless.

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LuaDipa · 14/05/2021 11:48

He expects me to drop her to him and pick her up sometimes which I don’t think I should have to do. He doesn’t stick to the days and times. He sometimes turns up late because he’s been out drinking the night before. He’s made it clear on text that he would rather have money for alcohol then his daughter

Well isn’t he just a peach.

Agree with pp’s, if he wants to see her he picks her up on time. It’s his choice.

I also take issue at the ppv comments. If the rp decided to also stop providing for the child, social services would quite rightly have something to say about it. This shouldn’t be an option for any parent. Yes it may be in the best interests of the child to see both parents, although I’m not at all sure that is the case with the op’s child, but surely there should be some expectation of responsibility before allowing access to a child. I would not be at all happy at sending my dc off to be with a parent who left his job to avoid paying for her, couldn’t even be bothered to collect her or arrive on time and was often hungover during contact. Surely all of this should be taken into account when deciding if this parent is an appropriate role model.

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KatherineSiena · 14/05/2021 12:07

I know you said you won’t withhold her but I think you shouldn’t facilitate things for him too much. He’s proving to be a dreadful father by deliberately quitting work and not contributing.

I get so annoyed on these boards when people trot out “oh you must think of the children” when the only one thinking of the children is the mother. Why should you be spending your money on facilitating his access or disrupting your plans to do so? Offer him access, make your daughter available for him to collect and see if he makes any effort.

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mainsfed · 14/05/2021 12:23

He expects me to drop her to him and pick her up sometimes which I don’t think I should have to do. He doesn’t stick to the days and times. He sometimes turns up late because he’s been out drinking the night before. He’s made it clear on text that he would rather have money for alcohol then his daughter

I suspected you were being expected to facilitate the contact and would get the ‘children aren’t PPV’ line (people think they’re so clever with that line).

Stop facilitating contact. He picks her up and drops her off on the agreed date and time. If he doesn’t do it, he doesn’t get contact. Try this for 3 contact days and keep a record via email or text. If he doesn’t collect her on the third attempt, than tell him no more contact until he can commit to be on time and reliable.