AIBU to say I won't be helping AT ALL anymore?

[bookworm20]

My DP will ask me for help, advice or opinions on things, which I give as its asked for, only for me to find he then double checks with other people, mostly men tbh, before he'll accept my advice or take on board my opinion.

This seems to be happening more and more. And also with things I point out in general.

One example recently was there was an issue in his car where sometimes the stereo wouldn't work. I told him I'd had issues with the stereo. He dosent use the stereo much so perhaps he didn't notice it playing up. We were then in car together and the stereo started playing up, so I said again, casually, you may need to get it looked at, maybe its just a loose wire or something. He agrees, but doesn't do anything.

Fast forward 2 weeks and his adult son borrows the car and stereo plays up. That afternoon DP comes home and tells me, DS says theres a problem with the stereo so I booked the car in tomorrow, as need to get that sorted.

That is just one example, and I know it sounds so insignificant, but its that kind of scenario which happens all the bloody time.

Most recent one, which has really pissed me off is he bought a little holiday home a while ago and it needs loads of work. I'm decent at painting (as used to do it for a living quite a while back) and a few bits and pieces and I offered to help him paint, clean, fill some holes etc. He says brilliant, thats great.

3 days later he says he has called Bob to come and help him with the painting and filling holes. Bob hasn't painted a wall in his life.

He is still assuming I will be helping (cleaning? as thats whats left), but am I right to be insulted that I offered my help and he's now gone and asked fucking Bob to do the exact thing I said I could help him with?

So on this occasion, AIBU to just say, I see you have Bob helping you now, so I won't be helping AT ALL?

[Deathraystare]

@MadameOvary81

That mug is brilliant, Please @bookworm20 buy it for your DH!

[mainsfed]

He is still assuming I will be helping (cleaning? as thats whats left)

Hell would freeze over before I’d help him.

Don’t cave OP!

[Gettingthereslowly2020]

I couldn't even be friends with someone who was sexist and didn't respect my opinions and experience, never mind be in an actual committed relationship with them.

It would drive me up the wall, I don't know how or why you put up with it. You're a valuable, intelligent member of society who deserves to be respected.

[Zzelda]

This reminds me of my FIL. We borrowed their car once when we visited and the journey was terrifying because the brakes were absolutely dreadful. When DH asked his mother about it, she said she'd been asking FIL (who owned a garage, FFS) to get it fixed for 6 weeks and he wouldn't believe her. So DH told FiL the car was a death trap and, lo and behold, FIL managed to get it fixed the next day.

But at least FIL had the semi-excuse that that was back in the early 80s ...

[OccaChocca]

If he asked for advice/help I'd be asking him why. He never acts on it or needs you when there is a male opinion/pair of hands.

Repeat as often as necessary.

[Teamonkey123]

Have you ever watched 'Modern Family'? There is an episode which we always reference now at home, when my husband does this. We say 'wedge salad Phil!! Wedge salad!!' 😂😂😂. Phil is constantly taking everyone's advice and recommendations over Clare's and it finally drives her to distraction. 😁😁

[FeelinHappy]

@GroovyClementine huge respect for the fact you are still married to him. His redeeming qualities must be magnificent.

[NowtSoQueerAsFolk]

My ex was like this.

Would tell me things that others had told him, like it was new information, when I had told him weeks earlier. It wouldn't trust me to short things that was well within my capability, especially computer issues. He was hopeless with computers, and I think he assumed I was too, even though I was always the one that dealt with it.

It's infuriating, and you are not unreasonable.

Note: he's an ex.

[Ellie56]

YANBU. Tell him and fucking Bob to get on with it. ALL of it.

[Dddccc]

Haha omg he is not sexist he has tunnel ears like me my dh can say something I agree and 30 mins later cant remember until it is mentioned again normally by someone else, its basically because all he normally talks about is crap so a just switch off and only half hear what he says its not something I do on purpose, regrading the car why could you not sort it if you had noticed it weeks ago sounds like drams over nothing and regarding the painting let them crack on and have boys time just don't go with them simple

[Dogscanteatonions]

@Dddccc

Haha omg he is not sexist he has tunnel ears like me my dh can say something I agree and 30 mins later cant remember until it is mentioned again normally by someone else, its basically because all he normally talks about is crap so a just switch off and only half hear what he says its not something I do on purpose, regrading the car why could you not sort it if you had noticed it weeks ago sounds like drams over nothing and regarding the painting let them crack on and have boys time just don't go with them simple

ODFOD

[TurquoiseDragon]

@Dddccc

Haha omg he is not sexist he has tunnel ears like me my dh can say something I agree and 30 mins later cant remember until it is mentioned again normally by someone else, its basically because all he normally talks about is crap so a just switch off and only half hear what he says its not something I do on purpose, regrading the car why could you not sort it if you had noticed it weeks ago sounds like drams over nothing and regarding the painting let them crack on and have boys time just don't go with them simple

Of course he's being sexist. He knows OP used to do painting, etc for a living, yet thinks Bob can do a better job.

It's a total lack of respect to the OP.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

It is ridiculously sexist... It's not about 'drama' @turquoisedragon, it's about your significant person in your life refusing to listen to your expertise over some randomer with no experience.... And that person is deified as knowing 'stuff'...

It MAY be mildly amusing in a sexist 70s trope.... (ooh these men, how awful...!).

But less funny when it costs family money/time to correct...

[Shodan]

XH used to do this.

See also: "Everyone I know thinks..."

It didn't matter how confident I was in my knowledge of whatever subject it was, he would never believe me. His parents were his 'ultimate weapon' (in his eyes).

It took quite a long time to convince him that I knew I wanted a divorce, too...

[TurquoiseDragon]

@IamtheDevilsAvocado

Why are you naming me? I was quoting another post and replying to that.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

[quote TurquoiseDragon]**@IamtheDevilsAvocado

Why are you naming me? I was quoting another post and replying to that.[/quote]
Apologies - wrong person!

[LagneyandCasey]

My dh does this with TV shows. I kept on at him for years to watch Breaking Bad. He just kept saying 'not my thing'

Then 'Bob' at work told him it's good so he binged the lot to the point of obsession and has the theme tune as his ring tone