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Original poster

Mil and weight comments

46 replies

Stuckinarutneedhelp · 13/05/2021 10:41

When dd was a baby I had several comments one from fil how I had " let myself go " and mil offering me her sliming world shakes because I like to diet ( if I liked dieting I wouldn't be overweight ) they talk a lot about people who have put weight on and openly too ( not in a nice way ) everytime mil shows me a pic or talks about partners brothers wife she says she's so tiny it's made me feel quite shit to be honest she's said it a few times and almost like she's lost her baby weight why haven't you! I'm 3 stone over weight and I look pretty big but I'm doing something about it now just comments like that get to me not sure if I'm being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuckinarutneedhelp · 13/05/2021 10:47

Fwiw I was pretty slim before I had my dd but being this size doesn't suit me at all x

OP posts:
skybluee · 13/05/2021 10:48

They're being rude and not helpful either. It's hardly going to motivate you to lose weight (if you want to) by making you feel shit!

They shouldn't be commenting on that, it's none of their business really.

Ignore them and do what you want. If you want to lose weight do it healthily and slowly.

Shoxfordian · 13/05/2021 10:50

It’s rude
Shut down any comments by saying
I prefer not to talk about my weight

Repeat until she gets it

MargateSands · 13/05/2021 10:52

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. They sound, at best, utterly tactless. At worst, downright nasty.

CagneyNYPD · 13/05/2021 10:53

Where is your dh/dp when his parents make such horrible comments to you?

lastqueenofscotland · 13/05/2021 10:55

Firstly be blunt
Honestly I’d literally be telling her to shut up.
Failing that refuse to go and see them. You don’t owe them your time.

MrsClatterbuck · 13/05/2021 10:57

If you want to lose weight you do it for you and no one else. I believe that's the only way it can truly work and you have to get into the mindset of wanting to lose weight. A few years ago I lost 2.5 stone and I did it for me and my health. I found the more family dsis made comments the more I would get stubborn about it and not make any changes.
They should not be making all those comments and I would shut them down each time they make them. You diet your way and in your time.

wingsofsteel · 13/05/2021 11:09

Your DH needs to speak to his parents about this. He needs to point out that:
a) your weight is none of their business, and making comments about it is incredibly rude and is upsetting you
b) fat shaming does not motivate anyone to lose weight (quite the opposite) so if they want you to lose weight because they are concerned for your health they should be aware that their comments won't help
c) now that they have been told that their comments are upsetting you and that there is no possible benefit from them, if they continue he will only be able to assume that they are intend to upset you. He will not put you in a situation where you are expected to be around people who want to upset you.

or more succinctly, if you keep making nasty comments to my wife you can fuck off

OccaChocca · 13/05/2021 11:32

Next time this happens just pretend you haven't heard and change the subject.

I would also be telling DH that I have no intention of seeing his mother while these comments continue and he needs to have a word with her.

At the end of the day, your weight is none of her business unless you directly raise it with her.

Nammamua · 13/05/2021 11:42

Lighthearted

Suggest adapting Churchill’s reply next time she says you’re overweight.

‘Yes MIL I am fat and you are a bitch, but a few month’s time I will be slim.’

Lollypop701 · 13/05/2021 11:46

My mil told me to sleep on my stomach to force in back in after ds. I told her that wasn’t helpful and told her my weight was my concern. With a smile on my face (the smile nearly killed me). She mentioned it once more and I walked out of the room. Get dh to discuss now, or have something in your mind to say next time. Don’t let them undermine you.. I was nine months up nine months down but never lost it all. Bodies change after baby and that’s fine! Good luck op… don’t let the haters grind you down, your body is beautiful and has done an amazing thing!

motherloaded · 13/05/2021 11:52

Just tell her to mind her own business.

Is SHE really slim? She might be completely unaware of boundaries, and would say the same to her own daughter, maybe she believes you are close enough or it's helpful (even if it's not).

Maybe she is embarrassed.

Either way, none of your concern, just tell her it's rude to comment on other people's body and weight.

lap90 · 13/05/2021 12:08

Your partner needs to step on this.

SwimBaby · 13/05/2021 12:24

Next time she mentions it start giving out handy tips about wrinkle cream, botox and hair products for thinning hair.

Rosie102 · 13/05/2021 13:00

This is nothing to do with your weight; it's your MIL using any opportunity to put you down. When she showed you the picture of the other daughter-in-law, she was playing you off against her. My MIL did this to me for 14 years (the other GC were leggier, cleverer, slimmer, the other DIL was so much more adventurous, so much more hard-working than me etc)My DH and I now have nothing at all to do with her and life is so much better these days. Please don't ever doubt yourself. Who is SHE to judge you? Remember that she was the one who had the diet shakes in HER cupboard. Sending loads I'd love to you OP as someone who's been there x

TheMostHappy · 13/05/2021 13:11

Aye my mil said they've been "so worried and praying" for me. Confused can't beat a bit of meddling in your business.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2021 13:22

Does your husband hear these comments or know about them?

billy1966 · 13/05/2021 14:24

@Nammamua

Lighthearted

Suggest adapting Churchill’s reply next time she says you’re overweight.

‘Yes MIL I am fat and you are a bitch, but a few month’s time I will be slim.’

This.

Or "when I want your opinion on my weight I'll ask for it".

But honestly, they wouldn't see me or their grandchild for dust.

I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for personal comments.

Zero.

You are far to quiet.

Take the head off her and your FIL so they NEVER attempt it again.

Unbelievably rude and NONE of their business.

Is your husband sitting there listening to his parents being rude to you?

I'd be changing the locks.🙄

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/05/2021 14:26

Cheeky bastards.

It’s deeply hurtful and rude and I’d want to know who the fuck they think they are talking about your body.

honeyrider · 13/05/2021 14:57

This needs to be stopped now before they start making comments about your weight to your DD.

When my second son was around 10 weeks old I joined a slimming club and asked MIL to sit withy older son who was 2 years 4 months old. I timed it to make the end of weighing so I was gone for about 30 mins and had my baby with me in case he needed feeding.

MIL left after I got back and my older son asked what is fat? I asked him where he heard that, he said granny said I was very very fat.

Shortly after that she made another comment about my weight to me so my husband mentioned her comments about my weight and she had the brass neck to deny ever mentioning my weight.

TheMostHappy · 13/05/2021 19:28

Yeah my ds caught comments about my weight being made behind my back on his phone whilst making a video at theirs that auto backed up to my phone. They didn't know he was videoing. Nip in in the bud.

GrumpyHoonMain · 13/05/2021 19:32

Just tell her to stop. Most normal ppl when called out will. Unless they’re south asian of course in which case they’ll tell you to shut up and do it anyway. The only thing that works then is using gc as leverage

Original poster
Stuckinarutneedhelp · 14/05/2021 09:16

Thankyou so much for the replies!
Dp seems to think she wouldn't have said it nasty and said she doesn't think I'm fat !!
Why would you want sliming shakes if your not fat lol
I think I'll use some of the suggestions on here thing is she says it so " innocently " that I'll probably look like a bloody weirdo Saying something back x

OP posts:
OrangeRug · 14/05/2021 09:24

This is absolutely fucking disgusting. I honestly can't express how angry I am for you. Even if she didn't mean it in a nasty way as your partner claims, it is still not acceptable to make unsolicited comments about another people's weight. What a disgraceful way to behave. You need to assert a clear boundary ie "It is not ok for you to make comments about my weight. Please stop". Alternatively you could make personal remarks about her appearance every time she does it to you but I know ofc that she's your MIL and that you won't want to fall out with her.
When I was pregnant my MIL and her friend repeatedly made rude remarks about my weight even though I told them I suffer from bulimia and asked them to stop. I was still a size 8-10 but they wouldn't stop commenting on my "pot belly". I had to get my partner to have a firm word with her in the end. We no longer speak to her which is lovely.

SmileyClare · 14/05/2021 09:24

If you have an otherwise fairly good relationship with mil, then try being really honest with her? Open up and tell her how miserable you are because of your weight gain, how upset you get when she makes comments and could she not bring it up because it's a sensitive subject?

If mil has been a member of Slimming World she might even understand how you feel.

Obviously, I'm trying to look at the best case scenario here Grin but I think people are quite quick to assume unkind or malicious intent when an emotive subject like weight is brought up.

Anyway, sorry you're feeling a bit shit about all of this Flowers

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