I’m FREAKING OUT about work tomorrow.

[BelleClapper]

After nearly five months of furlough.

I’m going back straight into a promotion so have to do the training for that alongside my actual job. I’m also doing an apprenticeship and don’t know how well carving out my study time for that is going to work in practise as I started it while furloughed. We are fully booked for the next few weeks, it’s going to be like the Eat Out To Help Out fiasco again, people are DESPERATE to go to the pub/out for dinner, so it’s going to be carnage.

DD now has a job but doesn’t drive so I have an hour commute to take her at 7am, then school run at 8am, leave for work at 10am until either 6pm or midnight. DH is wfh so will pick up DD and DS and cook etc. But then he’ll have to work in the evening to make the time up. Then there’s Cubs/martial arts/music stuff to organise in the evenings as well.

I haven’t been sleeping well at all, night sweats are a lovely new peri symptom that seems here to stay and I wake up several times a night.

I’ve tried to involve everyone else in the housework etc with a view to being out of the house 50+ hrs a week again but they’ve all got very used to me being around and doing pretty much everything. So the house is going to fall apart at least until everyone gets their act together.

My friend died and that’s broken me even though I was prepared for it so that’s not helped my anxiety and feeling of impending doom.

Im worried that I’ve taken on far too much and it’s all going to collapse around me.

Can I have some kind words or advice or a kick up the arse that it’s not that much to do and other people have lives far worse/busier?

Aibu to think it’s all too much and just hide under the duvet and cry?

Wow! You have a lot on, and your family have to realise its not all on you!! Why is your dd work so far away and why is it on you to take her? If dh is working from home why can't he, or why can't she get there herself?

Yep that sounds like waaaaaay too much.

What time does your Dh start work?

How old is your dd? Why can't she cycle / use public transport etc?

Being a martyr to it all won't help in the long run.

@MichelleScarn

Wow! You have a lot on, and your family have to realise its not all on you!! Why is your dd work so far away and why is it on you to take her? If dh is working from home why can't he, or why can't she get there herself?

Yes, could DH take DD at 7?

It sounds very full on OP, and it'll take you a while to get back in your stride. Things might have to take a backseat while you all adjust to new routines. And the family need to realise they have to pull their weight.

How are you going to find quiet study time without feeling the pull to put a wash on, or help with DC homework etc?

With going back and a promotion could you get a cleaner?

I feel for you, but do you like the job? You might enjoy being out of the house? Try not to preempt misery which might not come to fruition x

Tbf to DD she has an apprenticeship placement and they are like hens teeth so we grabbed it with both hands, unfortunately it is very rural with literally no public transport so until she learns to drive we have to take her, we knew this. But I think the reality of it has knocked me a bit combined with working late nights. Dh starts works at 7am so he can leave at 3 and get DS from school. He’ll pick her up at 4. So he’s got the same travel as me but in reverse.

I have two weekdays off but work all weekend. So I can theoretically do housework/laundry on those days but realistically I will be laid immobile on the sofa all day, at least to start with.

Could you pay someone to take your daughter? Or do the school run? At least get a cleaner/home help. It does sounds very busy. Make sure you rest on your days off and don’t fill them up with being busy.

Why does your husband doing a work and school pick up leave him working much into the evening? How far away are they? Get your daughter to come home - as far as possible - on public transport. Can your son walk home himself? I’m guessing he’s not that young if you have a working age daughter (though I know sometimes there are big gaps!)

Evening clubs... if you can’t make it, don’t go.

If the house gets messy, leave it whilst you instruct the others to pull their weight.

Yes you’re going back to a promotion (well done you!) but you’re also going back to training for it - so that will help.

I don’t think the “busy-ness” is actually that bad. I don’t say that to be mean! Just to give some perspective and suggest that it’s the gap away that’s making you anxious, and the other bits will get sorted easily enough.

No housework your first week back, no kids clubs, and your husband cooks / you get takeaway. Make it a gentle start back.

Why would you be laid immobile on the sofa for 2 days on your days off?

I’m all for doing fuck all instead of housework 👍🏻 But unless there are health issues you haven’t mentioned, I don’t see why you’d need 2 days doing nothing.

And your husband finishes at 15:00, so the evening clubs is a non issue. He has plenty of time to sort those out 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds an awful lot! Can you see if you can get a Cleaner at least for the first few weeks? Can DH take DD sometimes? As above PP says rest up on days off if you can .Just do essential washing and so on .It shouldnt all fall to you .Takeaway /Hello fresh and food delivery would be at the top of the list as well .This is a lot for anyone .

Dh has been doing overtime lately as they are at the end of a project, only a couple of hours a day but it means if he needs to do that it’ll have to be later in the evening, currently he just works until dinner time.

Dd is 17. There is literally no transport, she’s at a forest school nursery in the middle of a tiny village, a taxi would be £25 each way which isn’t off the table but not ideal. DS is 9 so too young to walk home just yet. There’s also 18yo DS in the mix who is at college four days a week.

I’m pretty sure a lot of this is my lizard brain catastrophising and that once we’re in the swing of it we’ll manage. I genuinely love my job btw. It just seems a lot right now after five months of Netflix 🤣

It's hard with young adult kids needing to get to apprenticeships. Myds2 has started an apprentiship and it is full on, he needs to leave at 7.30 and takes the car every day now, a car which we used to share. Luckily I am still working from home but for how much longer I don't know.
We still drive a 30 round mile trip some days to take ds3 to college as the buses get very crowded in the morning and dh is ECV, so we try to minimise the risk by giving him a lift. It's all a juggle. I have insisted dd go to a sixth form close to home.

So there’s an 18yo who can do some school runs and evening clubs.

Come on - you’ve got a 17yo who you are seriously helping out with the commute, the least she can do in return is share some housework, cooking, and evening club runs with the 18yo.

You’ve got almost FOUR adults in this house!

@Cocomarine

Why would you be laid immobile on the sofa for 2 days on your days off?

I’m all for doing fuck all instead of housework 👍🏻 But unless there are health issues you haven’t mentioned, I don’t see why you’d need 2 days doing nothing.

Because I know my limitations and after a 12hr shift on my feet I will probably be good for nothing the next day, at least until I get fitter again. Next week I’m doing mon, weds, fri double shifts and then normal days both weekend days. And it’s going to be insanely busy.

Yes I’m hoping for some practical help from the big kids. But we’ve been building up to my return to work for a while and they mainly just grunt at us.

Could dh do the morning run on your days off so you get a .few hours rest and you do evening on those days. Make a timetable for dinners so the 4 adults are cooking. You on your days off. I presume you eat in work so you won't starve if they don't do it and they will hardly leave the poor 9 year old with nothing. I feel a bit sorry for him as its such a busy household so could your dd be roped in to help with homework / play some board games etc.

You need to sit down with DH and the big kids and allocate jobs - I don't mean chores so much (though everyone should be pitching in with them anyway!) but the transport, dinners, who needs to be where and when. Each adult should be cooking twice a week, for example - with you or DH helping with planning.

Shopping needs to be online delivery.

Clubs there are four adults to facilitate this, if that's not possible then maybe one or two need to be dropped.

I would normally say get a cleaner but that should be a family choice given you live with three other adults, and everyone should chip in even if it's only a couple of quid.

What I would absolutely do though is get DD a taxi one day a week - either in the run up to your weekend shifts or in the middle of your biggest block. So if you're working Mon - Thu, get her a taxi on Wed so you get one slightly longer lie. I think that'll be sanity saving!

How far is dd placement? Could she cycle on good days?

At the moment I’m putting my shifts on the shared phone calendar but I think I’ll go back to a big actual calendar in the kitchen and clearly mark WORK, DD COOK, DS1 PICK UP DS2 etc.

And yes I think taxi once a week will be a game changer.

DH can’t help with the morning runs really but I do have a lovely neighbour with a son at the same school and I know I can ask her to take DS if needed, we’ve helped each other out before.

Bright side is we’re doing a kind of soft opening at work this week, we’ve only a few outside tables so it eases us in before Monday’s proper opening which will be chaos.

I just really hope I get some good sleep tonight. I think I’m more anxious about that than anything. Stupid really.

At least get someone in once a fortnight to do the heavy duty cleaning. Is there noobs dd can get a lift from?

Can DD get a moped and start the journey to car licence?
Can you drop some of the kids out of school activities and accept this will not kill them or destroy their happiness?
Can you accept that peri is already affecting you and plan a less hectic work/life schedule now?
If not you are stuck with what you posted for the ongoing and will have to live with it.
You put all this in Mumsnet...nobody here is qualified to do the above. You are though...Mum.

It doesn't matter if things get a bit messy. Untidy isn't dirty. Do up a chore chart that is age appropriate & you & DH check that the kids do their bit. If it is getting too much, get a cleaner for a few months until you find your balance again. In the meantime, just value that you had the 5 months off & the Netflix time... it'll have you rested a bit & ready for the return. You did it all before so can do it again...Congrats on the promotion...

Nope! Don’t do this to yourself.
If DD wants a lift to and from work she repays in kind by carting her younger sibling to after school activities.
Eldest DS can be on dinner duty at least 3 nights a week and they can all pitch in with house work, even the youngest. Don’t be a martyr!

Just to let you know you can take a 'break in learning' from your apprenticeship for 3 months or so if you want to.

Just to suggest light cotton night dresses and a fan or air cool max and cold water in an insulated cup beside the bed for the night sweats. The quicker you cool yourself down the quicker you will get back to sleep.
Good luck 🍀