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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I right to ignore this weird behaviour or say something?

33 replies

Sure3151 · 12/05/2021 19:09

Not much of an issue but just wondering if others experienced this or have some insight: been going to baby group for past 4 weeks. Met this lovely mum on first day and got chatting , our babies born 2 days apart and we had a lot in common. I really enjoyed chatting to her.

The next session I said hello to her and she was a little off. I ignored it thinking maybe she’s tired or just something going on. The session after I chatted to a lot of other mums and greeted her too but she ignored me. I didn’t think much of it until today I thought she was a little strange or maybe shy. But today she made an obvious and deliberate attempt to ignore me. I couldn’t care less but my baby crawled up to hers and she moved away really aggressively! My baby just clings to me and it was nice to see him wander off. He hasn’t hit her kid or anything which would make the situation make more sense.

It’s creating a horrible atmosphere for me as everyone is so lovely and chatty and her weirdness is making me a little annoyed. I feel like asking her what’s wrong but I’m thinking I just want to ignore her.

OP posts:
TwoAndAnOnion · 12/05/2021 19:13

Ask her outright,. You can do it in a nonconfrontational way
"Hello Mary, have I upset you?"

wildeverose · 12/05/2021 19:14

I'd also ask what the issue was tbh

BakedBeansBang · 12/05/2021 19:15

I think best to ask her directly, out of ear shot of the others so that it doesn't look as though you're trying to humiliate her.

Hi, have I unwittingly offended or upset you in some way? I thought we got on well the first time we met, but you seem to be angry with me about something?

Then pause and wait for her to answer. Don't speak, even if there is an uncomfortable silence. She will either give a valid answer and you can take it from there, or she'll flounce off and you can write her off as being a twat.

Original poster
Sure3151 · 12/05/2021 19:15

Ask her outright,. You can do it in a nonconfrontational way
"Hello Mary, have I upset you?"

I feel this might make the situation more awkward. I might sound like I’m desperate for her friendship or something!

OP posts:
MinnieKat · 12/05/2021 19:18

Very odd.

I wonder if she mentioned to her partner or a friend that she was chatting to you and they know you from the past? Could there be a crossover somewhere and someone has said something?

Seems strange that she’d be fine on the first session and only weird on further occasions.

AmazingGrapes · 12/05/2021 19:23

So weird! I do NOT miss weird baby mum group dynamics.

I would make a point of making conversation with her and if she tried to squirm away I’d ask outright. You never know - she might be totally different and you’ll find out it was just how she was feeling on that day/crossed wires.

BakedBeansBang · 12/05/2021 19:28

@Sure3151

*Ask her outright,. You can do it in a nonconfrontational way "Hello Mary, have I upset you?"*

I feel this might make the situation more awkward. I might sound like I’m desperate for her friendship or something!

I don't think you'd sound desperate. I think you would sound self-confident and like someone not prepared to be a doormat when someone is being unjustifiably hostile.
Original poster
Sure3151 · 12/05/2021 19:32

I think you would sound self-confident and like someone not prepared to be a doormat when someone is being unjustifiably hostile

I think you have a good point! Yes that’s exactly the word I was trying to articulate - she is being very hostile. Like seriously just say hello back when someone is being friendly.

OP posts:
username34512875 · 12/05/2021 19:45

If someone aggressively moved away from my baby I would say “excuse me, what’s the problem?”

People who are passive aggressive sometimes need to be “aggressively” called out on their bs. Ask her what the problem is.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2021 19:48

Is there anything you can pinpoint in that first chat that may have upset her?

Peachee · 12/05/2021 19:49

I don’t know if I would invest my time in being concerned about her any more.. she sounds loopy and unhinged.. the fact she was so sickly sweet initially and now switched from black to white would ring alarm bells.. definitely isn’t normal.. move on and chat to the others.. she will get over herself. Sorry you’ve had to put up with this it’s massively pathetic. ..

Happygogoat · 12/05/2021 19:50

Definitely ask!! I couldn't not. And do report back 😂

Sounds like she's mentioned you to someone (no doubt positively eg I've made a new friend) and perhaps there is an unsavoury history there and they've never then been influenced?!

Better off without though - anyone being passive aggressive to a BABY is bad egg.

Original poster
Sure3151 · 12/05/2021 19:56

Thank you everyone. I’ve been trying to remember the first conversation but I cannot pin point anything. All I remember is is laughing a lot and we walked to our cars together and said “see you next week!”. I don’t even know what her name is and I doubt she knows mine as we didn’t exchange names. I’ll see how brave I feel next week to ask! Maybe she’s just really moody.

OP posts:
Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 12/05/2021 19:56

I think, whatever it is, is her problem rather than yours. It's probably not worth getting involved in any drama. Just focus on the friendly, non-weird, non passive aggressive mums there instead.

AprilShowerThoughts · 12/05/2021 20:01

This isn't some long standing friendship, she's a virtual stranger and might be suffering from sleep deprivation, or might just be distracted with her baby - or could just be a bit of a spiky person. Don't overthink it, focus on the others in the group that you can get along with and stop giving her brain space. I don't expect it's personal given you've spent so little time in each others company.

itsgettingwierd · 12/05/2021 20:05

I wouldn't challenge.

You are chatting to lots of other mums and getting in well with them.

Her behaviour isn't affecting you making friends but it will affect her. Especially is others witness her behaviour.

I always think the risk of calling her out means others will find out and become wary of you. Right now your doing nothing to make them feel that way.

But I'm a wuss and hate confrontation so my advice may not be the best Grin

Laiste · 12/05/2021 20:13

The grown up thing to do is to ask politely, in private, what is upsetting her. It might be a stupidly simple thing which you can put right and then politely keep her at a distance from then on because she seems a drama queen.

However! I too would probably chicken out and just carry on chatting with other mums. Maybe in time one of them could shed light on what's going on with this first mum?

Bettysnow · 12/05/2021 20:20

I would be inclined to agree with MinnieKat and wonder had she mentioned you to a partner or someone else and something has been said that has caused her hostility? Or shes went over your conversation and has taken offence to something not intended to be offensive?
I also would ask if everything is ok next time you meet. If you get a muttered "fine" followed by the much of the same i would move on and leave it at that.

Feedingthebirds1 · 12/05/2021 20:21

Just talk to the other mums and let her get on with it. If she can do it once she can do it again and it would be exhausting to always have to tiptoe round her.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 12/05/2021 20:22

It would just bug me. Like others I would ask her, quietly, out of earshot but not sight ‘is everything ok’ and depending on her response you could then say ‘because I felt there was something the matter’

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 12/05/2021 20:23

Just read prev post sorry duplication.

Moonwatcher1234 · 12/05/2021 20:40

Don’t worry about it unduly...sounds like the problem is her and not you so I would just move on. I’ve come across loads of these types of moody mums through my years of baby groups and it’s staggering how many people behave in this way. I used to care desperately and drive myself mad thinking about what I could have said or done to cause offence but in time came to realise they were just moody or odd! Now I wouldn’t give it a second thought and would just exchange pleasantries and ignore the rest of the behaviour. Don’t be put off going either...

BakedBeansBang · 12/05/2021 20:49

I don't think asking her what's wrong is to do with trying to make her like you, or looking desperate. It's about calling her out on what is essentially a type of subtle bullying, and showing her you won't put up with being shut out of a group.

You don't have to hang round with her afterwards, whatever her reply, but your challenge will show her that you won't scuttle away from a group where several women are chatting, just because she is sat there looking unwelcoming.

happinessischocolate · 12/05/2021 20:52

I'd just ignore her back, not in a big huffy way but just not bothered about her. If she's doing it because she's a drama queen then she'll back down and end up acting normal again.

If the opportunity arises where it is just the two of you at any point then maybe say something, but I wouldn't go out of my way.

ThatIsMyPotato · 12/05/2021 20:56

Are you the newbie in the group? She may be jealous that everyone is so keen to speak to you and feels left out? Is everyone else talking to her?

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