would you have left?

[Whatname2021]

Hi all

Would like your opinions and will be factual in relation to events.

Would you have left marriage in these circumstances?

Married
First baby
Give birth
Night before going home, Dh seems distant, can't wait to leave to go drinking
Meant to pick up dw and new baby next morning at 10am
Dw and baby packed and ready to leave dh never turns up
Dw has to make call to family member to search for dh
Turns out dh in family home, asleep from night before drunk
Eventually turns up at hospital hours later, hungover, smelling of alcohol and whole face marked/blood presumed from a fall
Leave hospital, dw has to go into shop to pick things up as dh too embarrassed
Go home both families there, dw has to entertain everyone while dh hides in shame
Dw ends up approaching dh at end of evening and comforting him to smooth things over

Would appreciate thoughts

Thanks

CSIblonde, no an planned pregnancy, but he showed no interest. I didn't even call him when my labour started as knew he would ask if it was actually necessary for him to leave work immediately or could it wait and I couldn't face that conversation.

Fulfilling parental responsibility is a massive struggle for him

MangosteenSoda never asks to have overnights, I had to force the issue by asking him to pay half on overnights for childcare if he wouldn't take dc, he then said he would

Would have been the beginning of the end for me. I don’t know how/if I could get over it.

It’s abandonment really. I’d never trust that I’d be able to rely on him again.

And I’m sorry this happened to you OP, I cannot imagine how hard it was, just given birth, tiny baby, perched on a bed alert to every person who walked in thinking it might be him. Then that dread when it wasn’t.

PurpleBiro21

You are so right, it was abandonment and this continued to happen. I suppose my childhood was filled with it, so my bar was pretty low unfortunately

So sorry to hear your updates. You have done the right thing! You are strong and you have a happy life ahead.

My ex didn’t attend birth and only picked us up after work so I have an understanding of that. In my case he pays good child support but I have my DC 100% of the time and ex lives in a different country. When we first split, he saw DS for 2 hours a week.

I’m really happy now and should also have left years before. Better late than never, whatever your friend has said.

Oh OP I'm so sorry. I've had plenty of abandonment in my childhood so I completely get why you comforted him after he was a twat. I'm very pleased (pleased seems like an odd work but it's right) that you're no longer with him . Fear of abandonment makes us put up with some shit I know.