Anyone else still feeling flat?

[Summercocktailsinthesnow]

I will say I am grateful to still be here, and I have not lost anyone very close to me to covid. Believe me I am grateful for those things. I am not depressed in the slightest either, however I am finding it increasingly hard to listen to all the conversations about hugging and enjoying life again on the radio and every news channel, and I am just not feeling it. At all. Things don't feel very different to me.

I have shivered through meals and drinks with friends, braved the weather for BBQs, I have even had my hair done! I imagined by now to be feeling much better than I am. But I don't feel better. I am so flat, and find things are not much better than before. The things I most want to do seem still a million miles away.

I am desperate for a holiday, we have worked all the way through, but how easy it that going to be this summer? Chances look exceptionally low. I want to dance at a festival, no chance. Or go to something with live music, anything.
I want to enjoy shopping without feeling muzzled, and I really feel what we have now is not really a whole life at all, it is like a half life. It is nothing like the life I left behind. I have no sense of when it will end. The scientist on the BBC today said she wasn't sure the next reopening will even happen....the moment when some kind of normal happens on the 21st of June.

I can't summon the energy to look forward to anything, because we have no idea if it will happen. I feel like I am being lied to, look at all you can do is the strap line, the reality is freezing cold, wind swept evenings eating cold over priced food, and everything is so limited in experience and in interaction, like trying to enjoy a facial with someone covered in PPE none of this is actually fun anymore!

I am optimist, by nature, and of course I have already counted my blessings for the things we can do, but really I just want my old life back so so so badly. Does anyone else feel like this?

Thanks inthefamilytree that is a nice thought, a glass of wine for each of us feeling this way. I hope we all start to feel better, maybe Monday will be a shift in the right direction.

@hamstersarse I used to be spontaneous - to the point where it was hard to get me to commit to anything in advance! - and what I've struggled with most is having to book in advance. (In practice, I've found you rarely do as the well-organised drop out and you can usually walk in on the day!) But next week I'm leaving nothing to chance - I'm out every day, and even if it's not perfect freedom, I'm looking forward to it. And the upside is that everywhere is more enjoyable with restricted numbers.

@TadlowDogIncident

I feel incredibly flat. I had a great life pre-Covid and it's clearly not coming back. DS will spend his teens doing music on Zoom and never performing with other people, because there's no economic benefit in children's music. He'll never sing treble in a choir again.I won't get to travel again without testing for an illness that I wasn't at risk from even pre-vaccination. We're all going to be wearing masks forever, because it's clearly more important to signal that we're not transmitting the virus than to let people see our faces and judge our intentions.

I would kill myself if it weren't for DS. I really don't see any point in carrying on.

I have a daughter in a university choir and they are singing at the moment. Socially distanced, but doing full evensongs. Cathedral choirs are singing too. Some amateur orchestras are still playing. There's stuff happening, though I'm sure at a very reduced level. I hope that more and more music will start to open up.

And the upside is that everywhere is more enjoyable with restricted numbers.

To you it might be. Ever considered that others might not feel as you do?

Exactly what you said..
My life is holidays , meals out and trips to Friends..and yes it' was rubbish and still is rubbish and can't even think of how it will be..
No excitement what so ever...
I feel for you 🤗 x

Exactly what you said..
My life is holidays , meals out and trips to Friends..and yes it' was rubbish and still is rubbish and can't even think of how it will be..
No excitement what so ever...
I feel for you 🤗 x

I hear you OP.

I’ve just spent a lot of money booking a few simple activities for half term. I should be looking forward to them. Instead I’m starting to worry about how busy they will be. Will I have to wear a mask the whole day? Even outside? Will we have to queue up to eat? Will there be anywhere to sit? Will the DC enjoy it or will it all feel totally alien. Will the weather be crap and we will be miserable the whole time?

I had to book so far ahead because you have to book even the simplest activity now or you can’t get in. No spontaneity. No real excitement. Just anxiety and dread.

I know what you mean. The pandemic has affected us financially as previously my mum provided free childcare but my stepdad works in travel and has taken a wage cut due to furlough so we have had to start paying. Obviously I know I was lucky to have free childcare and most people have to pay for it but we are now financially worse off. However being able to WFH saved me money too and did wonders for my mental health not having to spend hours commuting and putting up with office politics.
Now I'm back in the office so no longer have that perk. I just feel like everything is just shit and there's nothing to look forward to except the government dangling more carrots that we may never get.

I know what you mean. The pandemic has affected us financially as previously my mum provided free childcare but my stepdad works in travel and has taken a wage cut due to furlough so we have had to start paying. Obviously I know I was lucky to have free childcare and most people have to pay for it but we are now financially worse off. However being able to WFH saved me money too and did wonders for my mental health not having to spend hours commuting and putting up with office politics.
Now I'm back in the office so no longer have that perk. I just feel like everything is just shit and there's nothing to look forward to except the government dangling more carrots that we may never get.

Exactly what you said..
My life is holidays , meals out and trips to Friends..and yes it' was rubbish and still is rubbish and can't even think of how it will be..
No excitement what so ever...
I feel for you 🤗 x

OP I agree. I’m not depressed. I’ve lost the lockdown weight. I’m eating healthily again and exercising and taking care of myself. I reduced my hours at work, and so now have more energy and a much better work/life balance but wow the joy has left the building.

I want to go and watch Peter rabbit at the cinema without a mask, go swimming (whilst being allowed to shower after), go for a meal without shivering (and with more than 6 people). I want to go to a baby and toddler group (without booking in advance) I want to go abroad (but pigs will fly) I want to be able to pick my 3 kids up from school at the same time without waiting half an hour for their designated slots. I want to be able to wear foundation and lipstick without it rubbing on my mask. I want to be able to work without my mask, I want to go to a concert.

I could go on and on and on. Yes it sounds indulgent, but at the root of it all I just miss being spontaneous.

@hamstersarse

Totally the same.

There is an article by Adam Grant that sums it up perfectly.

It's Languishing - the emotion of 2021

It's here : www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html

It wasn't behind a paywall last week - I could see it, but maybe you get a few free articles per week.

It's absolutely recommended. Sums it up perfectly

Thank you!

And thank you, OP. I was talking with DH about this yesterday and having a bit of a weep. Helps explain a lot.

We moved house shortly after Christmas, to a new area. It’s especially difficult to make new connections when everything is shut. In the meantime I’ve got a shelf full of very appealing books, a fab range of new skincare products and a massive box set of something I’ve wanted to see for ages and I can hardly bring myself to bother with it. UK Holiday booked for July (postponed 12 months) so that’s my focus.

I know what you mean. The pandemic has affected us financially as previously my mum provided free childcare but my stepdad works in travel and has taken a wage cut due to furlough so we have had to start paying. Obviously I know I was lucky to have free childcare and most people have to pay for it but we are now financially worse off. However being able to WFH saved me money too and did wonders for my mental health not having to spend hours commuting and putting up with office politics.
Now I'm back in the office so no longer have that perk. I just feel like everything is just shit and there's nothing to look forward to except the government dangling more carrots that we may never get.

On top of spontaneity being lost, we have also lost any opportunity for adventure.

It's all so sterile, ordered and predictable.

There are huge individual differences in how we tolerate a bit of adventure (chaos) and I'm guessing most people on this thread have quite a high tolerance to chaos and do not need everything to be ordered all the time, with no risk in life.

I find it so tedious I feel like my brain is disintegrating with every passing second

I hear you OP.

I’ve just spent a lot of money booking a few simple activities for half term. I should be looking forward to them. Instead I’m starting to worry about how busy they will be. Will I have to wear a mask the whole day? Even outside? Will we have to queue up to eat? Will there be anywhere to sit? Will the DC enjoy it or will it all feel totally alien. Will the weather be crap and we will be miserable the whole time? Will we even be able to go or will we be isolating, or testing or ill ourselves?

I had to book so far ahead because you have to book even the simplest activity now or you can’t get in. No spontaneity. No real excitement. Just anxiety and dread.

The connections thing is so difficult. This may be my own negative experiences talking but I don't think you have boundless opportunities to make real connections in life, you have to really take advantage of an opportunity when it comes along. This makes me feel so bad thinking of people who will have lost these opportunities. University students and new mums as well as those who have relocated are some who spring to mind.

I'm glad I've got my mum friends from baby number one as I don't think a zoom NCT or mat based class would cut it.

I hear you.

Thank you

I hear you.

Thank you

@hamstersarse

Totally the same.

There is an article by Adam Grant that sums it up perfectly.

It's Languishing - the emotion of 2021

It's here : www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html

It wasn't behind a paywall last week - I could see it, but maybe you get a few free articles per week.

It's absolutely recommended. Sums it up perfectly

Thank you!

And thank you, OP. I was talking with DH about this yesterday and having a bit of a weep. Helps explain a lot.

We moved house shortly after Christmas, to a new area. It’s especially difficult to make new connections when everything is shut. In the meantime I’ve got a shelf full of very appealing books, a fab range of new skincare products and a massive box set of something I’ve wanted to see for ages and I can hardly bring myself to bother with it. UK Holiday booked for July (postponed 12 months) so that’s my focus.

@GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin

Good God, I'm glad I found this thread. There's so much on here that covers exactly how I feel, but thankfully without the sanctimonious "Be glad you're alive/not a front line worker/it was worse in the War/insert other triteness here".

I'm tired. Not physically tired, but mentally tired. Tired of never knowing where we'll be and what we're allowed to do and never getting up your hopes because they'll get dashed.

I'm tired of the lack of spontaneity and carefree-ness. Going to the pub involved a "Fancy a pint?" text and finding my shoes. Now it's masks, checking in, sanitising, sitting at your designated table with your designated group (no popping over to see someone else) and that's always assuming you can get a table. No more squishing onto the end of someone else's. I'm tired of going out dressed for all eventualities and sitting in the drizzle keeping the raindrops out of my pint while avoiding hypothermia and trying to convince myself that this is just as much fun as it used to me.

I'm tired of the tracking. I'm no tin-foil-hat wearing 5G-will-kill-us-all nutjob but I am deeply uncomfortable with having to register when I go somewhere. I don't want a fucking NHS app, I don't want a fucking vaccine passport to prove I can go somewhere and register when I do.

I'm tired of kiboshed friendships - I've been horrified to see what sort of people friends turned into, with their shouting and lecturing at anyone who did something of which they didn't approve, or who seemed to find some comfort in scaring the daylights out of everyone else, especially in the early days. I've had to step back from those. Others, I think, have stepped back from me because they didn't agree with how I tried to carry on as normal as possible (although obviously within the rules). I'm a fairly solitary soul but I'm tired of the loneliness and the sheer amount of effort that goes into the few social interactions I have.

I'm tired of masks. The first time I saw a shop full of people wearing them, combined with having to wear one myself, I had a full-on panic attack. It was awful. And from certain quarters I got no sympathy beyond "Suck it up, it's for your own and others' good". I want to smile, I want to wear lipstick, I want to see other people's faces.

I'm tired of scientists who seem to think we should live in their version of a potential ideal world. Suggestions that we should continue to social distance/wear masks/be tracked forever more because "it will help with general disease control" as if this is more important than living our lives freely. Like this is all one big experiment and nothing else matters - not non-Covid health, not mental health, nothing.

I'm tired of knowing I could do something but all the fun will be sucked out of it by The Regulations. Tired of how our lives have diminished and we're just supposed to accept it. Tired of how things seem to range from bad to dull, and the other half of the spectrum has disappeared. I'm just...tired.

All of this. It's all just so dull, like life has taken on a distinctly greyish hue, I'd rather have the dark then the sparkle. And feel even more fed up with those who seem to be enjoying all of this... Have fallen out with friends too. I thought they were intelligent, questioning, free thinking human beings but they've turned into robotic, sanctimonious, risk averse robots.

It isn't just spontaneity that is missing, it is the total lack of adventure that is possible.

Everything is so ordered and sterile, and predictable. There is no opportunity for any sort of adventure - large or small. And humans need adventure; they are necessary for health (ironically)

Of course, there are huge individual differences in how people tolerate chaos (predictability) and I am guessing that a lot of people on this thread have a high tolerance for chaos and therefore thrive on adventure. I know I do....it is the absolute lack of chaos that is driving me round the bend. I don't need everything to be predictable and ordered. The orderly people have dictated the terms of our lives for the past year, and I know that it is literally burning my brain cells to dust with every passing minute. I am not joking when I say I think I have had cognitive decline because of the total lack of mental stimulation.

On the variants, a study in June last year found there had been 353,341 variants. There is just no way to make order out of that chaos and people really need to get to grips with that.

It isn't just spontaneity that is missing, it is the total lack of adventure that is possible.

Everything is so ordered and sterile, and predictable. There is no opportunity for any sort of adventure - large or small. And humans need adventure; they are necessary for health (ironically)

Of course, there are huge individual differences in how people tolerate chaos (predictability) and I am guessing that a lot of people on this thread have a high tolerance for chaos and therefore thrive on adventure. I know I do....it is the absolute lack of chaos that is driving me round the bend. I don't need everything to be predictable and ordered. The orderly people have dictated the terms of our lives for the past year, and I know that it is literally burning my brain cells to dust with every passing minute. I am not joking when I say I think I have had cognitive decline because of the total lack of mental stimulation.

On the variants, a study in June last year found there had been 353,341 variants. There is just no way to make order out of that chaos and people really need to get to grips with that.

It isn't just spontaneity that is missing, it is the total lack of adventure that is possible.

Everything is so ordered and sterile, and predictable. There is no opportunity for any sort of adventure - large or small. And humans need adventure; they are necessary for health (ironically)

Of course, there are huge individual differences in how people tolerate chaos (predictability) and I am guessing that a lot of people on this thread have a high tolerance for chaos and therefore thrive on adventure. I know I do....it is the absolute lack of chaos that is driving me round the bend. I don't need everything to be predictable and ordered. The orderly people have dictated the terms of our lives for the past year, and I know that it is literally burning my brain cells to dust with every passing minute. I am not joking when I say I think I have had cognitive decline because of the total lack of mental stimulation.

On the variants, a study in June last year found there had been 353,341 variants. There is just no way to make order out of that chaos and people really need to get to grips with that.

@GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin

Good God, I'm glad I found this thread. There's so much on here that covers exactly how I feel, but thankfully without the sanctimonious "Be glad you're alive/not a front line worker/it was worse in the War/insert other triteness here".

I'm tired. Not physically tired, but mentally tired. Tired of never knowing where we'll be and what we're allowed to do and never getting up your hopes because they'll get dashed.

I'm tired of the lack of spontaneity and carefree-ness. Going to the pub involved a "Fancy a pint?" text and finding my shoes. Now it's masks, checking in, sanitising, sitting at your designated table with your designated group (no popping over to see someone else) and that's always assuming you can get a table. No more squishing onto the end of someone else's. I'm tired of going out dressed for all eventualities and sitting in the drizzle keeping the raindrops out of my pint while avoiding hypothermia and trying to convince myself that this is just as much fun as it used to me.

I'm tired of the tracking. I'm no tin-foil-hat wearing 5G-will-kill-us-all nutjob but I am deeply uncomfortable with having to register when I go somewhere. I don't want a fucking NHS app, I don't want a fucking vaccine passport to prove I can go somewhere and register when I do.

I'm tired of kiboshed friendships - I've been horrified to see what sort of people friends turned into, with their shouting and lecturing at anyone who did something of which they didn't approve, or who seemed to find some comfort in scaring the daylights out of everyone else, especially in the early days. I've had to step back from those. Others, I think, have stepped back from me because they didn't agree with how I tried to carry on as normal as possible (although obviously within the rules). I'm a fairly solitary soul but I'm tired of the loneliness and the sheer amount of effort that goes into the few social interactions I have.

I'm tired of masks. The first time I saw a shop full of people wearing them, combined with having to wear one myself, I had a full-on panic attack. It was awful. And from certain quarters I got no sympathy beyond "Suck it up, it's for your own and others' good". I want to smile, I want to wear lipstick, I want to see other people's faces.

I'm tired of scientists who seem to think we should live in their version of a potential ideal world. Suggestions that we should continue to social distance/wear masks/be tracked forever more because "it will help with general disease control" as if this is more important than living our lives freely. Like this is all one big experiment and nothing else matters - not non-Covid health, not mental health, nothing.

I'm tired of knowing I could do something but all the fun will be sucked out of it by The Regulations. Tired of how our lives have diminished and we're just supposed to accept it. Tired of how things seem to range from bad to dull, and the other half of the spectrum has disappeared. I'm just...tired.

All of this. It's all just so dull, like life has taken on a distinctly greyish hue, I'd rather have the dark then the sparkle. And feel even more fed up with those who seem to be enjoying all of this... Have fallen out with friends too. I thought they were intelligent, questioning, free thinking human beings but they've turned into robotic, sanctimonious, risk averse robots.

It isn't just spontaneity that is missing, it is the total lack of adventure that is possible.

Everything is so ordered and sterile, and predictable. There is no opportunity for any sort of adventure - large or small. And humans need adventure; they are necessary for health (ironically)

Of course, there are huge individual differences in how people tolerate chaos (predictability) and I am guessing that a lot of people on this thread have a high tolerance for chaos and therefore thrive on adventure. I know I do....it is the absolute lack of chaos that is driving me round the bend. I don't need everything to be predictable and ordered. The orderly people have dictated the terms of our lives for the past year, and I know that it is literally burning my brain cells to dust with every passing minute. I am not joking when I say I think I have had cognitive decline because of the total lack of mental stimulation.

On the variants, a study in June last year found there had been 353,341 variants. There is just no way to make order out of that chaos and people really need to get to grips with that.