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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you would think she was at fault here?

48 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 11/05/2021 10:10

Friend is raging as her au pair left one of the kids bags on the bus. Friend has 2 kids and they are 8 and 9. I told her it was a simple mistake but she said it was careless of the au pair. I honestly would only see it as a inconvenience and not place blame on anyone. Just me?

OP posts:

zigzag56445 · 11/05/2021 10:11

Careless of the children

PhoenixReincarnated · 11/05/2021 10:13

Agree with pp. At 8 & 9 the dc are old enough to remember their own bags.

Spied · 11/05/2021 10:13

Simple oversight. Not like she left a child.
Also at those ages the children should really be responsible for their own bags.

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 10:15

Well, the problem is that au-pairs are one of the kids, only slightly older.
Your friend is seeing the au-pair as a responsible adult.

It is annoying, it's not hard to check kids things. If 8 and 9 years old could be trusted, they wouldn't need an au-pair, would they.

Your friend need to revise their expectations, or get a professional nanny.

Cleverpolly3 · 11/05/2021 10:16

The children are old enough to be responsible but if they’re being mollycoddled on the way to school by someone who is paid to do just this then I can see how your friend might be a little irked

SummerHouse · 11/05/2021 10:17

I left a bag on a train once. Simple mistake.

Cleverpolly3 · 11/05/2021 10:17

I’m obviously thick and poor
Is there an age limit for an au pair
Not that I will ever need to actively factor this into my childcare

funinthesun19 · 11/05/2021 10:17

I would be annoyed, but then I don’t always have the money to just go out and replace everything if things get lost or broken. Your friend obviously won’t have that problem.

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 10:17

Well, the problem is that au-pairs are one of the kids, only slightly older. Your friend is seeing the au-pair as a responsible adult

one would hope the au pair is more than slightly older than 9 years old, and they are actually there to be the responsible adult. What with being adults and being paid to be responsible

That said, shit happens. Kids should have looked after their own bags, and au pair should have paid attention too.

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 10:21

@toocoldforsno

Well, the problem is that au-pairs are one of the kids, only slightly older. Your friend is seeing the au-pair as a responsible adult

one would hope the au pair is more than slightly older than 9 years old, and they are actually there to be the responsible adult. What with being adults and being paid to be responsible

That said, shit happens. Kids should have looked after their own bags, and au pair should have paid attention too.

I meant that au-pairs are usually just teenagers, "one of YOUR kids"

If you employ an au-pair expecting the service of a professional and trained nanny, you will be sorely disappointed.

It's as ridiculous as pretending every first time mother is an expert when their first baby arrives. You learn by experience. Your au-pair hasn't had that experience, and some of them don't have that much common sense.

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 10:24

Au pairs are often not teenagers actually, and are not one of your kids. But they are not, as you asserted, "slightly older than 9 year olds" are they?

Did anyone say they expected an au pair to be as good as a professional nanny? Do you have to be a trained nanny to remember to pick up a bag?

SummerHouse · 11/05/2021 10:24

I wouldn't blame a child, a mum, a dad, an au pair or a fully trained, professional nanny. It's just a mistake.

TaraR2020 · 11/05/2021 10:29

Poor au pair.

Pics · 11/05/2021 10:32

My children sometimes leave their bag on the bus. If they are the last off, you don't notice until the bus is pulling away and its not possible to do anything. The bus driver can't sit and wait to check everyone has their stuff.

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 10:34

Au pairs are often not teenagers actually, and are not one of your kids.

I sincerely hope you never employ one, because you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

Sparklesocks · 11/05/2021 10:37

Mistakes happen, especially on a bus when you only have a small window of time to get off. If it was me I might initially be annoyed at the inconvenience, but would draw a line under it and not dwell. I wouldn't blame the au pair. I bet she already feels bad, and will triple check the kids have all their stuff from now on.

MindyStClaire · 11/05/2021 10:43

@SummerHouse

I wouldn't blame a child, a mum, a dad, an au pair or a fully trained, professional nanny. It's just a mistake.

Exactly. I'm sure everyone who regularly gets public transport has left something behind at one time or another. Very irritating, but not a big deal in terms of blame.

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 10:47

@motherloaded

Au pairs are often not teenagers actually, and are not one of your kids.

I sincerely hope you never employ one, because you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

Which part of my statement is untrue? They are often in their 20s and they are not your children. I'm 100% correct and I don't know what the fuck your problem is.

MichelleScarn · 11/05/2021 11:04

Wow toocold thats a tad excessive!

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 11:04

toocoldforsno

you are obviously in for a fight, I am not, so I won't bite when you pretend not to understand my post. Have a nice day my dear

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 11:06

Exactly. I'm sure everyone who regularly gets public transport has left something behind at one time or another. Very irritating, but not a big deal in terms of blame.

You just have to read the posts on my local commuter groups, it happens all the time! Very annoying, but "raging" against someone else is excessive.

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 11:11

@motherloaded

toocoldforsno

you are obviously in for a fight, I am not, so I won't bite when you pretend not to understand my post. Have a nice day my dear

No pretending involved. I said two things that are obviously 100% true and you claimed I didn';t know what I was talking about. If you want to apologise for it, there's still time.

Kottbullar · 11/05/2021 11:13

I wouldn't blame anyone or be 'raging', these things happen and usually the person who lost it feels bad enough anyway.

However if this has happened multiple times or is part of a wider picture of carelessness then I can see why she would be annoyed.

Littlescottiedog · 11/05/2021 11:26

@motherloaded

Au pairs are often not teenagers actually, and are not one of your kids.

I sincerely hope you never employ one, because you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

@toocoldforsno I don't understand what they mean either, it's not just you.

Your post was pointing out au pairs are adults and not just another child in the household. If that's not right, I guess it's just as well I'll never employ an au pair either!

skirk64 · 11/05/2021 11:31

The friend is to blame, she still has overall responsibility even if she delegates tasks to the au pair.

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