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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you would think she was at fault here?

48 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 11/05/2021 10:10

Friend is raging as her au pair left one of the kids bags on the bus. Friend has 2 kids and they are 8 and 9. I told her it was a simple mistake but she said it was careless of the au pair. I honestly would only see it as a inconvenience and not place blame on anyone. Just me?

OP posts:

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/05/2021 11:37

What relevance does the au pairs wage and age have to do with anything. And why would it be any different if it was a professional Nanny. Sometimes people accidentally leave things behind, mistakes happen. Not just on public transport, I work in a major supermarket and the amount of lost property is amazing. Odd items left out of bags at checkouts, whole bags of shopping, phones, cards wallets..A surprising number of people manage to drive off from the petrol station in particular having left their wallet or purse on the car roof.

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 11/05/2021 11:42

The au pair is mid twenties so hardly a child.
Now she is being told to pay the cost of getting it back from lost property and being held personally responsible. The kids are more than old enough to look after their own bags and the woman is always carrying loads whenever I see her. 8 and 9 year olds can take responsibility for their own belongings. I really feel for the woman.

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 11/05/2021 11:44

@MiaMarshmallows

The au pair is mid twenties so hardly a child. Now she is being told to pay the cost of getting it back from lost property and being held personally responsible. The kids are more than old enough to look after their own bags and the woman is always carrying loads whenever I see her. 8 and 9 year olds can take responsibility for their own belongings. I really feel for the woman.

That’s really shitty of your friend to make her pay, in my view. I’m glad I’m not employed by her.

Whatwouldscullydo · 11/05/2021 11:48

Its just one of those things that happens occasionally isn't it?

I mean its annoying but we've all done it. I think the energy placed on trying to assign blame, ranting at friends ir raging at the au pair would surely be better spent giving the local.bus.depo a call and asking to come and collect a bag left on the number 6 bus.

Moondust001 · 11/05/2021 11:49

@MiaMarshmallows

The au pair is mid twenties so hardly a child. Now she is being told to pay the cost of getting it back from lost property and being held personally responsible. The kids are more than old enough to look after their own bags and the woman is always carrying loads whenever I see her. 8 and 9 year olds can take responsibility for their own belongings. I really feel for the woman.

So au pair tells SIL to shove her job up her arse, sue for unlawful deduction, and SIL looks after her own bloody children. Problem solved.

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 11:52

With the current pandemic (and Brexit if she is local) it's very difficult to find au-pairs at the moment.

The au-pair needs to find a new family asap and leave! It's ridiculous.

MrsClatterbuck · 11/05/2021 11:54

I once left my handbag in my shopping trolley. Realised when I got home and thankfully someone had handed it in to customer services. Unfortunately I was like that as a child and I'm afraid I'm still like it.

LadyHedgehog · 11/05/2021 11:55

@toocoldforsno

Well, the problem is that au-pairs are one of the kids, only slightly older. Your friend is seeing the au-pair as a responsible adult

one would hope the au pair is more than slightly older than 9 years old, and they are actually there to be the responsible adult. What with being adults and being paid to be responsible

That said, shit happens. Kids should have looked after their own bags, and au pair should have paid attention too.

I thought au-pairs didn't get paid? I thought you provided them with board and pocket money?

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 11:57

If you aren't paying your au pair, you are doing it wrong.

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 12:35

I thought au-pairs didn't get paid? I thought you provided them with board and pocket money?

true, they tend to get around £80 to £100 a week, and a few perks like paid classes, phone and transport.

ThatIsMyPotato · 11/05/2021 12:44

Slightly annoyed yes, Raging no. And the children can be responsible for looking after their own belongings at that age.

ConfusedAdultFemale · 11/05/2021 12:51

@toocoldforsno some folk on this thread are batshit, I’d ignore them!

LadyHedgehog · 11/05/2021 13:06

@toocoldforsno

If you aren't paying your au pair, you are doing it wrong.

I don't have an au pair, but I did do a year in US as an au-pair. I got $100 a week, which was a lot compared to others I knew, but I would not consider it being 'paid'. Obviously the UK will have different rules/expectations, but if it is £80-£100 surely that is not minimum wage! If you are paying them, then aren't they a live in employee, and not an au-pair?

Chanjer · 11/05/2021 13:08

Shit happens

But some people don't think like that

Strawberrysaxifrage · 11/05/2021 13:18

She's going way over the top raging and making the au pair pay. These things happen and since you don't mention any SEN or similar, the kids are equally to blame at their ages. It's an easy mistake to make and it sounds like the bag has turned up at lost property anyway. Your friend needs to cool her jets and move on. It must be so uncomfortable for the au pair being in the house currently.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/05/2021 13:30

It is just a mistake! Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 13:38

If you are paying them, then aren't they a live in employee, and not an au-pair?

An au pair IS a live in employee. In Europe they have full employment rights (though in the UK its still ok to exploit them for "pocket money" Yay Brexit )

sqirrelfriends · 11/05/2021 13:43

Your friend is unreasonable to be raging at anyone for a simple mistake. Poor au pair.

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 13:44

not sure how €80 to €100 a week is different in term of pocket money

custardbear · 11/05/2021 13:50

Your SIL is a crappy person. Everyone makes mistakes, but she's just stapling it tonthe poor au pair because she can, and because it's easy to.
It's perhaps your SIL's fault for not teaching g her children to look after their stuff, or for having someone else to look after her children. It's a mistake, plain and simple, if it happens regularly then perhaps the au pair isnt up to the job but one off mistake should be picked up by the employer, not the 'employee'

custardbear · 11/05/2021 13:50

.... your SIL needs to look after the person looking out for her children ... let's hope the au pair is a better person

hardboiledeggs · 11/05/2021 15:31

Mistakes happen to us all, being an Au pair (not 100% sure what that is, childminder?) doesn't make you immune to making them. Your friend is being UR

TrinidadQueen · 11/05/2021 22:29

I would blame the kids above the aupair.
If she has more than 1 child to look after as well as her own belongings then she cannot be expected to keep track of it all. They are plenty old enough to take some responsibility. Any reasonable person would understand this.

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