Another destination wedding thread.

[Weddingchange321]

A family member is getting married this autumn abroad. The flights didn’t seem too bad and we thought we could potentially make it into a mini trip either side.

However, they’re getting married at a hotel and part of the package that the rooms have to be filled. Now we’ve been told that pricing is per person not room.

My DH wants to just sacrifice his flight as it’s less than the price increase with the accommodation. He also doesn’t know anyone else going apart from my parents.

AIBU to presume that you pay for the cost of the room you’re staying in?

@Naunet

The thing is as it’s been organised for quite a while we’d just accepted that that was going to be our trip

Doesn’t matter, the price has gone up so that changes things. The bride and groom should be covering the extra cost, not expecting their guests to substitute them, especially when they’re already paying for flights etc. It’s so bloody entitled!

Just tell them that with the price change, you can no longer afford it so will stay somewhere else. They have no right to dictate how YOU spend YOUR money.

I agree with this. If a price has been quoted with the invitation the B&G need to pay any increase or at the very least tell you it's fine for you to pull out if you like.

Can you say to them 'I'm very sorry but that's not the price we agreed, we simply don't have another £200'?

We had a friend do this - £1200 for a destination wedding (only 2 nights, excluded flights), which we thought was such a lot of money. We decided we would stretch our finances and go, but then it turned out it was that much EACH. So much money and at the time would have relied on my boyfriend paying my way as I was in no position to spend that much. We were very apologetic, and asked if we could let them know later that week and if we couldn't commit by then, if we could book ourselves separately to go. All fine, until the bride went ahead and booked earlier than she said she would, the irony being that had she waited the 24 hours until when she said she would book, we woukd have gone. Anyway, upshot was we didn't go as we're made to feel awful for not dropping £2.4k on a three day trip, and the friendship between what we're my partner and I's best friends never recovered. 🤷🏼‍♀️

"Sorry, we budgeted for £400 based on the villa website and cannot afford to increase to £600" .

Don't get into game playing, it will just cause headaches all round.

I wouldn’t go either. I hate it when other people spend your money for you. No way would I want to be supplementing others. All of this is just beyond cheeky.

I got stung for one of these weddings where the guests were basically paying for the venue. I had to pay £££ to share a room with a stranger! I didn't even find out that I'd be sharing a room until the actual day. Now I would refuse to go to such an event.

What happens if the borders close, will you have to quarantine when you return ( will this have to be taken as your annual leave and do you have enough to take!) , will you get your money back if you can’t travel due to Covid . ?
This is on top of the stupid price you have to pay

What cross said. They changed the goalposts. You can't afford it, they're cheeky AF spending your money for you and expecting you to sub others.

This will be the head and front of your being mugged off if you agree to it, you'll then find how long a piece of string is.

Seen far too many doormats mugged big style on these destination 'weddings' and hen/stag do's.

It's entitled AF to expect others to pay out hugely to celebrate your own event but to then change goalposts and expect some to sub others is more red flags than a Labour convention. Say no now.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Yep, CFer. We decline all destination weddings (a lot of them are fake weddings, too, if the couple can't legally marry at the destination, they have the real wedding in the UK at the registry office and a production one for all the mugs who are paying out and using annual leave to watch their pretend wedding), but this one, pull out now.

You can't be forced to stay in a particular place but the couple will likely strop if you don't sub their production by playing ball and paying effectively double than they led you to believe for the accommodation.

So just pull out altogether.

'Sorry, but circumstances have changed and we're no longer able to attend.' Now.

A very close friend's daughter (to whom I'm so close, having known her since she was a baby, she calls me auntie) was due to be married abroad this year but has postponed for 2 years (she can't be arsed with the to-in and fro-ing there might still be next year).

The family and friends invited are all to stay in accommodation paid for by my close friend and her husband (they're very well off), as is the wedding and all catering, etc. The same friend, when they married 7 years ago, had us to stay at the hotel they hired for the weekend for the entire thing and we paid nothing. "No gifts, please" was the instruction.

Now, I know that's all very well if people can afford it - but equally, if you can't afford to pay for a 'destination wedding', expecting your guests to shell out quite sizeable amounts as well as transport there is not on.

I had a similar situation with a friend - albeit UK, but it was made to seem asif the price was per room but turned out to be per person. It made it completely unreasonable and I just explained that I hadn't realised and that we couldn't afford it so would be staying elsewhere. I think someone else filled the room but I think it's CF to dictate where everyone has to stay when everyone's budgets are completely different.
Just go, but find your own accommodation. You can say that as you're planning on using it as a holiday either side, you've got somewhere lined up for the duration and don't need the hotel they're getting married at.

Why do people say it's a fake wedding just because they don't legally get married abroad??? A wedding is about commitment to eachother in front of all your friends and family, and then having a big party to follow, all of the ones I've been to abroad have been much better than the ones in the UK, doesn't have to finish at 11, all inclusive (fed and watered) and a polished itinerary to boot for weekend trip. Happy to pay for flights and hotel for basically a big party.

But @Weddingchange321 yeah real cheeky, although I'd go if it was a bestie but not give a gift.

I’ve been to two destinations weddings. One was a stay where you want and the invite came with a suggestion of a hotel that was next door to the venue. Lots of guests including ourselves stayed there. The other invite included a paid for night at the hotel where the reception was and coach to a from the wedding.
In both cases it was nice being a guest and chatting to people about where they were staying and hearing how some people had made a week of it, some had drove over a few days etc and stopped on the way, others like us had gone for the weekend etc.

Why do people say it's a fake wedding just because they don't legally get married abroad???

Because it is. It’s watching an already married couple go through a charade. You might as well go to the theatre.

If its 400 per room for 3 nights, then the single person either needs to suck it up and pay / decline the invite / find someone to bunk in with to halve the cost.

Its shitty to put their costs onto other guests.

@Justmuddlingalong

You won't be the only ones having this conversation. The prices will only rise as more drop out, so do it sooner rather than later.

That’s what I was thinking.

I'd just say that you can't afford it and bow out.

Destination weddings piss me right off though! Especially ones that use guests to subside their wedding costs, cheeky fuckers.

Have they changed the goalposts? We’re you originally told £400 for the trip, or assumed it was the total cost? If they have now increased the price, then that’s wrong,

@Aebj

What happens if the borders close, will you have to quarantine when you return ( will this have to be taken as your annual leave and do you have enough to take!) , will you get your money back if you can’t travel due to Covid . ? This is on top of the stupid price you have to pay

Good point. Maybe worth checking if there’s a covid insurance policy, for either if the UK closes it’s borders, or the country of the destination.

Good plan on others dropping out. The B&G need to set a price per room then cover any shortfall created by people pulling out etc

Oh wow... they don’t only want you to subsidize their location (because it’s probably a package deal where they get a discount if X people sleep at the location), but they also want you to subsidize their guests. Run and save your money for a get together with your husband :)

When we married abroad all the discount came off the price for family - we paid more than anyone else so they could all get the discount

I would be more concerned on staying in the hotel for a number of days with everyone else when your husband only knows your parents & yourself.
We went to an old friend (groom) of mine's wedding and stayed in the wedding hotel for the weekend as a treat.
It was expense enough but we thought we would enjoy the wedding and then the following day have a nice day just the 2 of us. Didn't think it would be an issue as large hotel with many, many more non wedding people staying.
The day after the wedding, we went down to have a nice quiet breakfast at a table for 2. Only the hotel had other ideas. Manager insisted that anyone staying at the hotel for the wedding, would have breakfast together at large tables.
So we we put sitting with the bride's relations. Being hungover didn't help but we had no energy left to make chit chat . It was just uncomfortable & we skipped breakfast the following day rather than risk a repeat.