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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be gutted hugs are back!

122 replies

Zerowillpower · 10/05/2021 14:11

Just a quick one (light hearted). I’m not gonna lie, I’m not a fan of physical contact, I’m a bit of a germ freak (pre covid) and also have loved the fact my newborn baby hasn’t had to be passed round all and sundry like my first baby!! Obv hate covid! But for me the great thing about it is people washing their hands more, no one using my bathroom and not having to physically touch anyone!! I’m also someone who doesn’t like to offend so not a lot of people know about the fact that I’d rather not touch them or be touched. Just heard we can hug again from 17th May- arghhhh!!! Anyone with me or am I a freak on my own?!?!

OP posts:

CausingChaos2 · 10/05/2021 16:51

I love a cuddle/ hug with DP and my immediate family (not all at once ). Really dislike it with other people. Agree it has been a bonus from covid. Discussed it in my therapy - we start early by telling children to hug their relatives, whether they want to or not. Physical contact should be an active choice, not something we are made/ feel obliged to do.

Snooks1971 · 10/05/2021 16:57

Same here OP. Sometimes I get stuck in a hug and don’t know when to pull away, so I start to pull away but the other hugger is still holding on. Arghhh

Original poster

Zerowillpower · 10/05/2021 18:55

@JocastaNu - oh my days, the Oprah thing... I think you may have just changed my life!! 😁

OP posts:

Original poster

Zerowillpower · 10/05/2021 18:57

@CausingChaos2 - yes! I always think this, how interesting you have discussed it with your therapist! I have just started trying to teach my 3 year old DD about her body and consent... no way I’m making her hug and kiss people!

OP posts:

Original poster

Zerowillpower · 10/05/2021 18:59

Thanks everyone - you’ve made me feel not alone as seems lots of you out there are fellow non huggers or hug haters too but at the same time I have a new understanding for those huggers out there who have missed the physical touch this last year... I hope you get your hugs in soon. Good luck everyone as we move forward hugging or not hugging!!

OP posts:

FontyMcFontface · 10/05/2021 19:02

People don’t generally ask permission to hug. They tend to launch themselves in my direction with open arms. Short of pushing them away, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do!!

I’m going to find the whole thing supremely awkward, not knowing who is happy to hug and who isn’t. Easier when it’s not allowed and nobody tries!

StaffRepFeistyClub · 10/05/2021 19:14

Good for you! I am so doing that. Why do all these people want hugging?

We have communicated on WhatsApp, walks, zoom, garden meetings ...

MadMadMadamMim · 10/05/2021 19:21

I'm not a hugger.

If someone looks like they are about to hug me I am happy to take a step back, hold my hands up (warding them off) and say VERY firmly, I don't hug!

I'm not bothered if people like hugging each other, but please don't hug me. I'm not touchy feely at all. It does work - and I could not give a monkeys if people think that's odd or rude.

I find other people's desire to touch me odd and rude.

Sparklingbrook · 10/05/2021 19:27

I am not a hugger. I am very happy to hug family but apart from that it's a no. Is hand shaking back because I would ^really' like to not do that again, ever.

Spied · 10/05/2021 19:32

I'm not a hugger. My family are not huggers either.
My first thought was urgh, MIL will be coming around slobbering over my dc.

castemary · 10/05/2021 19:33

I like hugging people I am very close to. But I have enjoyed not being forced into hugs by others. Some people hug everyone and don't pick up cues that you are not keen.

littlepattilou · 10/05/2021 19:34

@Zerowillpower As a few pps have said, you don't HAVE to hug anyone!

AnExcellentWalker · 10/05/2021 19:49

I understand. I will only willingly hug people I choose to live with. Anyone else feels like an invasion. I don't even like hugging my own parents.

castemary · 10/05/2021 19:52

@littlepattilou If you are in a group and there is the kind of person there who hugs everyone, there is a lot of social pressure to hug. Such people rarely read others social cues.

ilovesooty · 10/05/2021 19:52

Perhaps those who don't like hugging could start a fashion for very large Elizabethan ruffs.

Sparklingbrook · 10/05/2021 19:56

[quote littlepattilou]@Zerowillpower As a few pps have said, you don't HAVE to hug anyone![/quote]
True. but it's really awkward when people want to hug you but you don't want to hug them!

castemary · 10/05/2021 19:57

I am happy to hug those I am close to. But I hate people who hug everyone. It shows a lack of social skills.

littlepattilou · 10/05/2021 20:00

@ilovesooty

Perhaps those who don't like hugging could start a fashion for very large Elizabethan ruffs.

Or one of THESE!

Sparklingbrook · 10/05/2021 20:03

Need a job lot of these

www.zazzle.co.uk/no_hugs_please_yellow_black_social_distancing_6_cm_round_badge-145703723489411066

amusedbush · 10/05/2021 20:13

I hate hugs, even from friends and family. I find it uncomfortable and I dislike being touched.

I had a boss who thought it was hilarious and whenever she introduced anyone to me, she’d announce ‘this is Amused, she just LOVES cuddles!’, then she’d wrap her arms around me and jiggle me side to side with a comedy wink

A couple of years ago a colleague was finishing up for maternity leave and hugging/kissing/saying goodbye to everyone. She asked me if I wanted a hug and the words, ‘no, thank you’ were out of my mouth before I could stop them. It was very liberating

Blowingagale · 10/05/2021 20:15

I quite like hugs but certainly respect people that don’t. The only thing I noticed from your post was about your baby being handed around. I think babies (not completely new born) do need a limited amount of being held by others. One is to learn that mum/dad doesn’t completely disappear when they are held. The other is about immunity and getting used to bugs/viruses. I’m not sure if it applies to you at all though if you have an older child they are likely to pass things on and hold the baby.

sammylady37 · 10/05/2021 20:18

[quote littlepattilou]@Zerowillpower As a few pps have said, you don't HAVE to hug anyone![/quote]
But some huggers launch themselves at you and throw their arms around you, totally invading your space and autonomy.

Chocolatebiscuitcollection · 10/05/2021 20:21

I voted yabu but that seems to be a minority in the voting.

Why can't you non huggers just be happy for the people to whom it is important. If you don't want hugs (from who? anyone other than your partner or children?) just own it and say so! People are not mind readers.

Sparklingbrook · 10/05/2021 20:29

@Chocolatebiscuitcollection

I voted yabu but that seems to be a minority in the voting.

I didn't say I wasn't happy for other people to hug. It doesn't affect me who hugs who as long as they leave me alone

Chocolatebiscuitcollection · 10/05/2021 20:34

I'm very intrigued by all the people you are expected to hug? Virtual strangers?

I would only give a hug on greeting to my mum, 2 of my brothers, my sister, 5 or so closest friends, and some (but not all) of my cousins who I only see once every year or two anyway. Hugging people I barely know has never come up.

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