What age would you allow these things

[shouldistop]

Dh and I were chatting and trying to decide what age we'd allow the kids to do these things;
They're only 4yo & 5mo just now so some of these things are a way off but would be good to get other parents perspectives.

Have a bath by themselves with door open / popping in.

Play at local park by themselves with adult crossing the road then going back to walk home.

Go to local shop by themselves.

Have a sleepover at a friends house.

Have a play date at a friends house without a parent staying.

Play in back garden by themselves (large garden, can't see all of it from window)

Play in whole garden including front by themselves.

Walk to school by themselves (5 minute walk, only road to cross is from our street onto the street the school is at, can be busy with parents but lots of people walking too).

Stay at home by themselves for 30 mins.

Stay at home by themselves for 2 hours.

Let themselves in after school for a couple of hours.

Stay at home by themselves all day.

To be clear I'm asking individually, not when older one can care for younger one doing these things as I think that will be so dependent on their relationship as they get older and how sensible older one becomes so there's no point in speculating right now.

Don't set arbitrary ages. All these things rely on risk assessments at the time. My children seem to be extraordinarily sensible and I trusted them to do things safely that I wouldn't trust some adults to do! Age is largely irrelevant.

Obviously it wouldn't be a set age as it depends on a lot of factors but we were thinking about rough ages that other parents allow these things and how that compares to what we think.

I agree with Fire.

So many things are dependent on circumstances

• how well do they know the friend and friend's parents
• where is the park, kind of area, who is likely to be there
• where is the local shop
• how sensible are they

etc

Shop is 10 minute walk, there is a busy road to cross.

Park is 10 minute walk, again busy road but in my scenario I was walking to park and collecting again.

Nice area, village type where most parents at least vaguely know each other or know each other well.

200 pupils at local school.

Also depends on how comfortable the child is to do these things.

Schools often have rules about when children can walk unaccompanied.

My question was also 'what age would you allow these things' , not what age should I allow my kids to obviously you don't know my kids or where I live.

There are many different factors with all your questions, but most importantly they depend on the maturity of the child and where you live. My answers would be very different between town and rural.

Have a bath by themselves with door open / popping in.
How big is your house? Is it on one level? where will you be? And the answer to that really is when they ask for privacy at 5 or 6

Play at local park by themselves with adult crossing the road then going back to walk home.
It depends on your area, the volume of children locally, whether they watch out for each other and the maturity of the child. Perhaps 7ish

Have a sleepover at a friend's house.
Depends on how well you know the parents. Whether they still bed wet at a later age, whether they are prone to night wanderings, are difficult to settle.

Have a play date at a friends house without a parent staying.
Parents stay?

Play in back garden by themselves (large garden, can't see all of it from window)
How large is large? Windsor Great Park or 120 feet? Ponds? is it secure?

Play in whole garden including front by themselves.
Back garden and front are different. Do you mean street playing, out on scooters and the like?

Walk to school by themselves (5 minute walk, only road to cross is from our street onto the street the school is at, can be busy with parents but lots of people walking too).
Schools usually have policies on this - Year 6

Stay at home by themselves for 30 mins.
Where are you going? Next door for a cup of tea or Sainburys a 10 min drive away?

Stay at home by themselves for 2 hours.
ditto the above

Let themselves in after school for a couple of hours.
Year 7

Stay at home by themselves all day.
Year 6

All of this depends upon the child. One 10 year old will be street wise and not get into tangible danger, another will play with matches and burn the house down. Are you rural or are you city?

School doesn't seem to have a rule, I've seen 7yo's walking by themselves. Unless their rule is p3. Ds starts school in august so I don't know the school rules on it.

So no one can answer when they would let their kids or have let their kids do these things?

I know you are saying that you will see what other parents think but the comments from the first poster to reply stand.
There are so many different environmental as well as behaviour reasons people will have different ages. You also have to factor in different parental styles as well.
Your local shops will be different to mine. Your child's friends patents will allow different things that you may not approve of.
Things evolve in their own time and you will know when the time is right.

Have a bath by themselves with door open / popping in. - 5 or 6

Play at local park by themselves with adult crossing the road then going back to walk home. - 9

Go to local shop by themselves -8

Have a sleepover at a friends house. - 4

Have a play date at a friends house without a parent staying - 3

Play in back garden by themselves (large garden, can't see all of it from window) - 2

Play in whole garden including front by themselves. - 5

Walk to school by themselves (5 minute walk, only road to cross is from our street onto the street the school is at, can be busy with parents but lots of people walking too). - 8/9

Stay at home by themselves for 30 mins. - 9/10

Stay at home by themselves for 2 hours. 9/10

Let themselves in after school for a couple of hours. - 12

Stay at home by themselves all day. - 13

I think you need to accept that, no, no one can answer these questions because there are way too many variables.

No can give you concrete answers, I have several children, each was different. One was responsible and could be trusted, one simply has no awareness of danger. All of my children had guidelines suitable for them.

So much depends on the child, the sibling, the friend, where you’ll be etc.

Park is 10 minute walk, again busy road but in my scenario I was walking to park and collecting again.

One - perhaps miserable - thing I would say is don’t plan on everything going to plan IYSWIM? Consider can they get home safely if they want to escape a person or situation they don’t like? Have agreed emergency plans and rendezvous points as they hit older, so they always know what to do if things go south, and they’re not dependent on you coming back at x o’clock to get them safely over the road.

I mean teach them in a chilled way. Don’t scare them obviously.

Well nearly all of those depend on your situation. Where you live, what kind of area it is, how much traffic, how well you know friends, how sensible your children are. My kids were going on sleepovers with families we knew well around age 6/7 I think, but some children wouldn’t be ready then.

I left my DS alone in the house for an hour age 10 once a week as it was the only day I had to be at work early and DH was not around. Prior to that he had gone to breakfast club with the younger two but he hated it and I trusted him to be safe at home.

They have all walked to school without an adult from age 9/10 but either together or with at least one friend, never totally alone. Like you we live very close to school but there are no actual roads to cross except our own which is a very slow road.

They were allowed in town without an adult in year 6. Town is small and close and they had to be with a friend and have a phone.

Even now I wouldn’t really be overly comfortable leaving one of them alone all day. All of them together maybe. The eldest would be ok (mid teens) but the other two... one wouldn’t like being alone all day and one wouldn’t be trusted! All fine for a few hours on their own but one isn’t keen if it happens.

So no one can answer when they would let their kids or have let their kids do these things?
No because what I allowed with my two may be different if I had a third child for different reasons.

So no one can answer when they would let their kids or have let their kids do these things?
I've got 4, and the answer is different for each, so while I could, I certainly won't!

Agree it totally depends on the child but for me:

Have a bath by themselves with door open / popping in - 6 but he usually wants my company anyway!

Play at local park by themselves with adult crossing the road then going back to walk home - just starting this at 9 if he's with a friend but not for too long. He can cross the road by himself but it's not a busy road.

Go to local shop by themselves - 9

Have a sleepover at a friends house - would have been OK with it from maybe 7 depending on how he felt about it. It hasn't yet happened though.

Have a play date at a friends house without a parent staying - 4/5

Play in back garden by themselves (large garden, can't see all of it from window) - 6

Play in whole garden including front by themselves - 7

Walk to school by themselves (5 minute walk, only road to cross is from our street onto the street the school is at, can be busy with parents but lots of people walking too) - our school allow this from year 5 (he's currently year 4). I imagine he'll still want me to walk with him though unless he has a friend to walk with.

Stay at home by themselves for 30 mins - 9

Stay at home by themselves for 2 hours - not sure, maybe when he's 11.

Let themselves in after school for a couple of hours - 11

Stay at home by themselves all day - not sure, maybe when he's13.

*Have a play date at a friends house without a parent staying.
Parents stay?

Play in back garden by themselves (large garden, can't see all of it from window)
How large is large? Windsor Great Park or 120 feet? Ponds? is it secure?

Play in whole garden including front by themselves.
Back garden and front are different. Do you mean street playing, out on scooters and the like?

Walk to school by themselves (5 minute walk, only road to cross is from our street onto the street the school is at, can be busy with parents but lots of people walking too).
Schools usually have policies on this - Year 6

Stay at home by themselves for 30 mins.
Where are you going? Next door for a cup of tea or Sainburys a 10 min drive away?

Stay at home by themselves for 2 hours.
ditto the above

Let themselves in after school for a couple of hours.
Year 7

Stay at home by themselves all day.
Year 6

All of this depends upon the child. One 10 year old will be street wise and not get into tangible danger, another will play with matches and burn the house down. Are you rural or are you city?*

Play dates - ds1 hasn't played at another child's house since he was 3.5 due to pandemic so yes I stayed. Not sure what the norm is in 'normal times'.

Garden - no ponds, ds1 can open gate into front garden, he probably wouldn't if I told him not to but he is only 4 so can he impulsive.

Front garden - separate garden, not in the street but there's a gate onto pavement that is easy to open.

What is year 6? I'm in Scotland.

I suppose in the imaginary 30 minute scenario I'd be popping to local shop maybe.

2 hour scenario maybe supermarket shop or other errands.

What age is year 7?

We're in a suburb / village type place.

Sorry, I threw too many ideas in at once then and stirred them.

One point was: If they can’t cross the road to get home safely without your help, they are too young to be playing without you in the park. You can’t drop them off and assume it will go fine until you go back for them. Injuries, arguments, bullies and creepy men can all happen.

Have a bath by themselves with door open / popping in. 5

Play at local park by themselves with adult crossing the road then going back to walk home. 8

Go to local shop by themselves. 9/10

Have a sleepover at a friends house. 5

Have a play date at a friends house without a parent staying. 3

Play in back garden by themselves (large garden, can't see all of it from window) 3

Play in whole garden including front by themselves. 4/5

Walk to school by themselves (5 minute walk, only road to cross is from our street onto the street the school is at, can be busy with parents but lots of people walking too). allowed from yr4

Stay at home by themselves for 30 mins. 10/11

Stay at home by themselves for 2 hours. 11

Let themselves in after school for a couple of hours. 11

Stay at home by themselves all day. 12/13

My children are 8 and under so some of these are estimates of what I would allow.

Guys I'm not planning on planning my life out on your answers. I'm just interested in when you would allow or have allowed these things. I'm not expecting you to tell me when to allow my children to do these things.

Some answers so far very similar to what I thought, some things maybe I should already be allowing my ds to do. I tend to be more cautious than dh but my mum is hugely anxious and hardly allowed us any freedom at all, it's not something I want to replicate with my children.

Stay at home by themselves all day.

Don't be daft. That would mean my 16dd, Princess Fifi, would have to cook herself something to eat.

Don't be daft. That would mean my 16dd, Princess Fifi, would have to cook herself something to eat.

It varies so much though! I have two kids, both late teens now, and some of those things they never did because there just wasn't a need. Some things they did a very different ages.
Sometimes it depends on circumstance eg a sleepover with a good friend, whose family you have known for years might be fine at 5. Someone they have met at school whose parents you have only met at the Christmas concert, not a cat in hell's chance.

As others have said, you need to cover all the 'what ifs' as well. Yes, they might be perfectly happy at the park with friends. They have a fight with said friends and decide they don't want to wait for another half hour for you to arrive so walk home; they have a phone but do they really know how to use it in an emergency? You leave them for half an hour, but will they be happy waiting for another hour if you are stuck in the middle of an accident/car breaks down etc?