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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 12 year old should be able to open a jam jar

50 replies

Strawberryjamforever · 09/05/2021 23:50

My 12 year old is neurodiverse. He has pretty severe ADHD and is generally thought to be on the autistic spectrum (by his paediatrician and by us) though towards the 'mild' end if that makes sense.

But there's something weird with his hands that I can't figure out. He can't ever open jars or simple snap-top water bottles. What on earth is that about? I can't figure it out. His much younger sister literally opens drinks bottles for him. He even struggles with a ring-pull can. I've tried coaching him, showing him how to grip etc and he genuinely can't manage. He's reasonably sporty and strong so shouldn't have a muscle weakness. Handwriting is not great but ok. Other motor skills fine - walked at 1, cycled at 5, keen on sports if not particularly talented. Maybe a bit of a struggle buttering toast and using cutlery in the past but seems ok now. I don't get it... is it normal for a 12 year old boy to not be able to use his hands like this?

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 09/05/2021 23:54

Could it be a sensory thing? The fingers/fingertips/nails required for these tasks can be quite sensitive for some and things like opening a ring pull on a can can be quite an unpleasant sensation (it is for me- I hate doing them and always use something like a key or knife to open them)

Rno3gfr · 09/05/2021 23:55

Dyspraxia?

UhtredRagnarson · 09/05/2021 23:55

In fact thinking about it more I definitely have comfort issues around the tips of my fingers. Can’t cope with any nail growth for example. Must have the trimmed short. I get very frustrated if they aren’t.

Original poster
Strawberryjamforever · 09/05/2021 23:56

Thank you that's an interesting suggestion and I wouldn't rule it out but I don't think that's it. It's not that he won't try or that there's anything stopping him from putting in the effort - he just can't manage it despite battling. He doesn't seem to have any sensory issues related to touch, just noises.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberryjamforever · 09/05/2021 23:57

@Rno3gfr

Dyspraxia?
It was ruled out by his paediatrician based on him not having any other issues with motor skills. Never any trouble with buttons etc. He doesn't seem to 'fumble' with his fingers and isn't 'clumsy' at all.
OP posts:
stayathomer · 09/05/2021 23:58

Have you mentioned it to anyone? My 12 yo can't open jam jars or the ring pulls on juice cartons. He was checked for dyspraxia, more because of other things but it all came back negative

stayathomer · 09/05/2021 23:58

Sorry just saw your answer above!

ActuallyIveGotDental · 09/05/2021 23:59

Does he have hypermobility? Incredibly common alongside adhd/asd.

PretzelParadox · 10/05/2021 00:01

Hyperflexible finger joints?

Original poster
Strawberryjamforever · 10/05/2021 00:01

@ActuallyIveGotDental

Does he have hypermobility? Incredibly common alongside adhd/asd.
That's interesting, I didn't know there was a link. I don't think he's hypermobile (and I think he may have walked later if he was hypermobile) but interestingly my husband is (and we're pretty sure he has ADHD). I will check this out though, thanks for the thought as I'm baffled!
OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 10/05/2021 00:01

Handwriting is not great but ok. Other motor skills fine - walked at 1, cycled at 5, keen on sports if not particularly talented. Maybe a bit of a struggle buttering toast and using cutlery in the past but seems ok now.

So walking and cycling are gross motor skills and handwriting, using cutlery, opening cans/jars are fine motor skills. It’s seems consistent that he has previously had issues with using a knife and with handwriting and still has issues opening cans etc. There are exercises you can do to improve fine motor skills. Some are for younger children but I’m sure there are some for adults too.

Myyearmytime · 10/05/2021 00:02

Just weak wrist then .
Get some tools for opening these thing .
There are lot out there

UpTheLaganInABubble · 10/05/2021 00:02

I'm also wondering about hypermobility. I have issues with strength in my hands because of it. Can he do this?

To think a 12 year old should be able to open a jam jar
Original poster
Strawberryjamforever · 10/05/2021 00:04

@UpTheLaganInABubble

I'm also wondering about hypermobility. I have issues with strength in my hands because of it. Can he do this?
Gaaaaahhh my husband can definitely do that!

I haven't checked whether my son can but I can see what we're going to be doing at the breakfast table tomorrow. Thanks!

(Just tried it on myself and I can't do it at all but I'm the opposite of hypermobile - can't even touch my toes.)

OP posts:
Thelovelyflower · 10/05/2021 00:08

Fyi, not being able to touch your toes isn't that odd if you are hypermobile - you can end up with tight hamstrings. But you'd probably have noticed it in other joints.

Titsywoo · 10/05/2021 00:11

Both my kids are hypermobile and can't open bottles etc and they are 14 and 16.

Original poster
Strawberryjamforever · 10/05/2021 00:12

@Titsywoo

Both my kids are hypermobile and can't open bottles etc and they are 14 and 16.
That's really interesting. I feel like I'd have noticed if he was hypermobile. But maybe not? And his dad definitely is so it would seem to make sense...
OP posts:
Lancrelady80 · 10/05/2021 00:19

Another vote for hypermobility.

Titsywoo · 10/05/2021 00:23

I wouldn't think you would necessarily notice it tbh. I only found out about DS as he was having loads of occupational therapy in the lead up to his ASD diagnosis. Once i realised he was hypernobile I saw the same things in DD. Ds gets pain in his hands when writing but dd doesn't- there are different levels of it I guess. Both kids and my DH can bend their fingers really far but I can't.

Lancrelady80 · 10/05/2021 00:24

Ds has hypermobility, late with all milestones, struggles with anything involving fine motor skills, needs special cutlery and is obviously "awkward" with how he uses/holds his hands. Occasionally therapy, physio, the lot.

Dd is younger and far more able but school have raised hypermobility as a possibility with her too (tends to run in families.) The more I look closely, the more I see things that aren't quite as they should be. W sitting (knees/legs bent behind them as they sit on floor) being an obvious one. I feel awful for not noticing it, but it's so much less obvious than her brother and easier to miss. She manages things in her own way, whereas he simply couldn't/can't.

Maybe your ds is the same.

MatureStudent21 · 10/05/2021 00:28

What about dysgraphia?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 10/05/2021 00:30

@UpTheLaganInABubble

I'm also wondering about hypermobility. I have issues with strength in my hands because of it. Can he do this?
I’ve always been able to do that and open jars. I also hyperextend my knees. I feel like there isn’t a correlation with this. Now, the arthritis that’s started is a whole ‘ other discussion.

But yeah, just being able to do this shouldn’t have anything to do do with jam jars. Get him an exercise gripper.

Penchantforfloralpatterns · 10/05/2021 00:31

My child is not NT and one thing they had an issue with was locking and unlocking doors, they knew how to do it but struggled every time up until around the age of 15, there was never an obvious reason for the problem.

Original poster
Strawberryjamforever · 10/05/2021 01:54

What about dysgraphia?

@MatureStudent21 I must Google. I thought this was to do with being able to write.

OP posts:
ShaneTheThird · 10/05/2021 01:55

Another vote for hypermobility. I habe it severely in my hands arms and back yet i habe the tightest hamstrings and cant bend my legs properly at all. I struggle to open jars, ring pulls etc and i wasnt formally diagnosed until i was 18.