MIL has really done it this time

[penguinparty00]

Not sure if this really is an AIBU or me just needing somewhere to vent... but here goes my MIL is just so horrible - cold, unemotional, mean and is forever giving you those non compliment "compliments" and I've had enough of her she sleeps in most days until 1/2 in the afternoon, she does absolutely nothing apart from sit of you tube watching a load of utter crap, smoke and gets waited on hand and foot she doesn't leave the house and never lifts a finger because she is utterly lazy. I suppose for a while I did tolerate her but our views are so different on everything she gets her information from you tube and doesn't believe in covid, has very different views on government, nhs and well basically everything to the majority of people. But since having my DS things have just got really bad, she couldn't understand why we wouldn't let her hold him during the pandemic despite explaining to her the implications the response was .. well it's just like the flu and she couldn't get her head around how non existent DS immune system was, she doesn't agree with injections and tried to scare monger me. Sorry I got on a rant roll but basically we went to see her over the weekend, arrived at 1.30 DS of 6 months was due a feed and started getting cranky, she was nowhere to be seen, still in bed apparently was finishing her cup of tea and will be down. 2.00 came no sign of her.. 2.30 and she comes down walks past the room we are in, doesn't acknowledge our existence and sits in another room with a cup of tea .. watching you tube 3.00 comes and DS really cranky so I take him home for a nap .. fuming so I just left with him and left my OH there. I'm just so mad at how she never ceases to amaze me with how rude and not nice she is! I really want to never go and see her again but I know thats extreme I'm just so mad at her!

Lady of the manor is either going to have to adjust her behaviour and schedule or suffer the consequences. This will be exhausting to keep putting up with for years to come. If she can't bend then don't pander to her. Life's too short for silliness. Poor FIL.

You're not obliged to see her.

Just don't bother.

Yes gamerchick, my friend has.. ss went away cos the feckless father said he didn't need help. Girlfriend doesnt mean it... why the f do we have ss...they are useless. These kids live in Yeovil, dont bother ss there... they are asleep

I think your DH has a slightly skewed view of what a good childhood is @penguinparty00. That does not sound particularly good to me.

Invite his dad to yours or let DH visit his parents without you, saves ruining your day sat there waiting for her to roll out of bed. If DH wants to put up with it, that’s his choice

I think I will just avoid going round I just can't understand how she can be like that an feel nothing about it! I want
To give her a piece of my mind the fact I'm still raging a day later it's really gotten under my skin! Stupid woman

Your OH sounds incredibly forgiving and charitable to his mum for that childhood. Sounds crap to me.

@penguinparty00 they're your child and don't feel pressured into these visits!

If your MIL wants to see their grandchild they will make the effort to get to yours to see them.

My parents don't and I stopped doing all the running around. They know where we live, they've not been in contact for over 2 years.

My children who are now teens are happy engaged children and are better off without me being stressed and being made to feel rubbish by their grandparents

Strange behaviour where there's issues or not why pander to her . I would continue to visit have zero exceptions . Stay for an hour and leave irrespective if you've seen her or not.
If you can behave like a twat people panda to you why wouldn't you .

Just leave after a few mins. Be mindful you Corrupted her darling son so of course she hates you
Fuck it she’ll never change, she will blame you for not waiting for her but hey ho

Do all the socialising at yours from now on.

We’re you invited at that time, or just turned up? I think some of what you say about her, ie staying in bed till late in the day or watching You tube is just the lifestyle she has chosen, which you shouldn't get too invested in. You don’t live with her, so what she does in the privacy of her home is not something you need to give headspace to. You might not like how she lives, but in the nicest possible way, I would say it’s really nothing to do with you. Give her a heads up if you visit. If she isn’t out of bed when you get there, just leave straight away.

I don't think I would be taking a baby in to a building where someone smokes.

I don't understand how she's 'done it this time'. She clearly sounds ill. Stop being selfish and help her.

I'm 60 now and just will not waste any more of my time on narcissists and people who don't enrich my life or at the very least don't ruffle my waters.
I've had to say goodbye to a few family members. I simply will not put up with it.

She will continue to do this while everyone panders to it. Just leave after 30 minutes if it's clear she's not interested in you being there. You are putting her above everyone else, including your child (which is another thing she relies on). Change things up; she'll probably get the shock of her life.

@Livelovebehappy

We’re you invited at that time, or just turned up? I think some of what you say about her, ie staying in bed till late in the day or watching You tube is just the lifestyle she has chosen, which you shouldn't get too invested in. You don’t live with her, so what she does in the privacy of her home is not something you need to give headspace to. You might not like how she lives, but in the nicest possible way, I would say it’s really nothing to do with you. Give her a heads up if you visit. If she isn’t out of bed when you get there, just leave straight away.

Yeah she knows that's the day we go round and I get what your saying it just annoys me she tries to ram these things for You tube as gospel down everyone's throats but that's my issue I guess - I think to be honest after this weekend I won't be going anymore but I'll tell OH to think about messaging with a time,

@Doghead

I don't understand how she's 'done it this time'. She clearly sounds ill. Stop being selfish and help her.

She is a very cold stubborn woman who doesn't see that she is / has done anything wrong it is not my responsibility to help her her family have tried - you cannot help someone like her .. well I certainly can't I do not have the energy if they aren't willing to admit they have any issues

It does sound like she doesn't want weekly visits OP. Make the effort with Fil and back of mil. She knows where you are of she wants to see you

She doesn't seem well at all. Going back to bed when DC go to school, not cooking them meals, Covid denier, confined to a room on you tube all indicate mental health problems.

Did she invite you round, has she made any indication that she actually wants you to visit then?

@Justforphoto

Did she invite you round, has she made any indication that she actually wants you to visit then?

Yes it's an open invitation in fact when we don't go it's oh we haven't seen you ..when are you coming round

@Redjumper1

She doesn't seem well at all. Going back to bed when DC go to school, not cooking them meals, Covid denier, confined to a room on you tube all indicate mental health problems.

100% but there is no helping her 🤷🏼‍♀️

She needs an appointment with a GP.

Is your OH not capable of going alone with the baby? I'd use it as an opportunity for 'me' time