to make DH go to doctor?

[Huhn]

OK I can’t “make” him but can strongly encourage. He occasionally reads here so hoping he stumbles on this.

DH is a 32 year old slim/lean male. Since solid food eating he only eats (comprehensive list): chicken goujons, roast chicken (not loved though), steak, chips, roast potatoes, ketchup, chocolate, crisps and pepperoni pizza. He eats some fruit (apples, bananas, berries), he does not and never has eaten any form of vegetable.

His daily diet consists of 1 sharebag of munchies (or other chocolate), a few bags of crisps, some chocolate bars, and for dinner - chicken goujons (deep fried), chips and ketchup. He eats an apple or banana on average every 4-6 weeks. He drinks fruit every month in the form of one carton of smoothie. His weekend liquid intake is mainly beer. (To the point where some days I can say he has not consumed any soft drinks/water - he doesn’t have a drinking problem)

He weighs 71kg and is 6ft. He doesn’t get colds or flu often. We assume he had Covid when I tested positive as he lost taste/smell but that was the extent of symptoms along with tiredness for 3 days (same as me).

When he was 21 he did medical trials for money and was deemed healthy so rides this all the time.

He has very bad eye sight (astigmatism), he also doesn’t have amazing hearing or smell but nothing to be concerned about. Recently I’ve noticed him getting more issues with his eyes. He also does get headaches more than before.

When DH was young his parents thought he had ASD, but removed him from testing (so they say) so no definitive answer. He has autistic tendencies but he has a professional job, maintains relationships, can be emotive (although his biggest weakness) so I don’t think he’s obviously got an issue. A condition called ARFID is aligned with the autistic spectrum. DH fits the bill perfectly, he doesn’t eat other foods due to texture.

I think his health is suddenly going to deteriorate and he will be unwell. He thinks he’s fine. I am trying to make him book a doctors app. So if MN agrees he should have some tests done he will go, if not I’ll leave him to his nuggets.

YABU - he’s fine
YANBU - get him to the doc

An eye test would be the first thing I would want him to have in your shoes.

What Lily and HugeBowl said. Sorry, OP, but you can't make him do a thing.

He's drinking too much beer.

Why take him to doctor when only he can improve his diet?

I'd get him on a multivitamin, try to get him eating something with some fibre in, & get hime some life insurance while he's still apparently healthy.

You say he eats a lot of crisps. Corn tortilla chips have more fibre than regular potato crisps. I'm not suggesting they're actually healthy, but from a fibre point of view... would he consider them?

Also, would he consider proper smoothies, with bananas or berries & milk? Or would it have to be just the stuff from a packet? Could you add the fruit to a packet mix? I'm just thinking, get him used to eating more fruit, more often.

My DH is like this with food , I have no advice as nothing I’ve tried has worked over the last 15 years. But you have my sympathy as it does make life a bit difficult and yes I’m expecting my DH to die before me.

so I just want him to have a blood test for any deficiencies and diabetes

They would only do, at best, HBA1c, iron & b12 deficiency wise, maybe vitamin D if he has any symptoms.

The thing with ARFID is that it works sort of like a phobia but the phobia is unfamiliar food. It will be very hard for him to overcome if he doesn’t accept it’s a problem and agree to the tackle it. Google Felix Economakis. He has an interesting ted talk.

Ds has arfid. It’s diagnosed but even then it doesn’t come with a magic wand to change things.

Ds is now tube fed because of his, his oral intake didn’t provide anywhere close to the needed calories to survive but his condition means that to him that is still a much better option than having to eat foods which aren’t on his safe list. Most days his oral intake is two of three apples and a couple of bags of crisps.

@JulietMadeChutney he would go (and I’m happy to pay) private, IF people agree that he should get a test. He’s convinced he’s just lucky and very healthy and will live til 90.

If he is not drinking anything other than alcohol at weekends then he will have headaches.

@Sirzy I am so sorry, this sounds so hard. It’s also my fear.

DH had a burger the other day and they left in a tomato - he didn’t realise and took a bite. He was sick and refused to eat again for the day.

At present, DH has said he will change his diet if he gains weight (he is obsessed with appearance / weight - including on others and me ).
I think he’d DO something if he was told the negative effects from a qualified professional. Especially if medical evidence showed an issue. He would take vitamins if told (at the moment he just doesn’t care and remember to take those I buy). He also would take food supplements if told to too. I know his actual food can’t ever change.

He won’t take alternatives to smoothies. He only drinks those innocent smoothies and that’s one carton one day, once every 6 or so weeks (when he sees it on offer and fancies the taste).

I made spirulina smoothies before but he told me he could tell the texture was off so didn’t drink them.

He has just eaten a whole packet of Hob Nob chocolate ones for a snack before bed. He had 3 share bags of munchies for breakfast. He had chicken nuggets and chips at the pub for lunch.

Yuk what a terrible diet 😬
Am jealous he can eat what he hell he wants and still be slim though 😂

Do you not find this deeply unattractive?

Sounds like a teenager. Also sounds like he does actually have an alcohol problem given he drinks nothing but beer all weekend.

It’s a difficult situation OP. I agree he should get a blood panel done to test for any deficiencies.

On his eyesight, try an independent optician as places like Boots or Specsavers cater to the average (average prescription is only -2) and so aren’t used to astigmatism and so on.

The one thing I would be concerned about is that even though your DH doesn't have a weight problem is visceral fat. Slim people can still, have a lot of visceral fat around their organs which is not good. I remember watching Dr Michael Mosleybon TV finding out that though not overweight or maybe just a little he had over the recommended amount of visceral fat . He shou,d get it checked out as his diet is not healthy and seems to contain a lot of saturated fat

Yes - I think he should get checked out by gp.

You are right to want him to have a blood test for diabetes and you do get slim diabetics. I would imagine his score would be quite high. Although if he has, and still won't change his diet, you/he are in a tricky spot.He sounds like he needs food aversion therapy. He must be constantly constipated. If he is OK taking tablets, you can get psyllium husk capsules to provide roughage in your diet - although that would be a drop in the ocean.

Smoothies aren't great for your teeth or your blood sugar. However, that's nothing compared to the rest of his diet.

Why not encourage an appointment with a dietician! ?

This was my DH though no formal diagnosis when we watch the food unwrapped article about ARFID he said that is how I feel about food I don't like - would rather starve than eat it.
He is slightly better now than when I met him. He was widowed young and this caused a spiral in his diet.
He also has terrible teeth, which are slowly being sorted. He has hypothyroidism which has progressed to thyroid cancer.
He realised that he needs to improve things, but it is slow. I would say he manages a small change every 6 months. If you try and push on too fast it just slips back to the crisp diet,

His weekend liquid intake is mainly beer. (To the point where some days I can say he has not consumed any soft drinks/water - he doesn’t have a drinking problem)

That sounds like a drinking problem to me. What do you see as a drinking problem?

His diet sounds disgusting, but the thing is there's nothing actually wrong with him yet. You need to be less invested in trying to pre-emptively fix health problems that don't exist yet, because he's not interested at all and as you say, you can't make him go to the doctor.

I know this is coming from a place of caring about him, but monitoring his diet to that extent and continually "encouraging" him to book a doctor's appointment can come across as borderline controlling. There's no way I could list DP's eating habits in that much detail and we've shared almost every meal in the past year!

You say he'll be motivated by his appearance - well this is good news because in most cases that kind of crap diet will take its toll on someone's appearance sooner or later. In your 20s you can get away with minimal or no exercise, eating terribly and drinking like a fish... less so in your 30s. So the weight gain or greasy skin is probably coming and then he'll want to do something about it. If it doesn't and he's some sort of unicorn who can get away with eating like that without it showing, well, more power to him I guess.

Him being obsessed with YOUR weight is a bit of an alarm bell, watch out for that one.

My DS is autistic and has a very limited diet. He has seen the nutritionist as he is also a coeliac and she ruled out ARFID and said it is very rare and very restrictive. The poster above has said her son only eats 2 things. Have you tried vitamin sprays? my DS will take these and also Complan shakes? My DS also likes nakd bars. Bad for the teeth but ok for texture. You won’t change him, don’t try. Good luck OP.

My ex dh was like this. I spent so many meals out sitting opposite him eating nothing and me trying to enjoy my meal - eating out was and is one of my fave things to do and he just completely ruined it for me. He would only ever eat tomato soup, waffles with chilli powder and cheese (microwaved, not even done in the oven) and huge bowls of plain cornflakes. And he smoked - I didn’t. I just couldn’t put up with it anymore. It was a huge part of why we split up in the end. I am sure he had autism and his food issues were part of that (ironically I now have a son - not exes- with severe autism who is very similar with food!) but as a partner I didn’t have to live with that. It was just so irritating and exhausting.

But - I don’t think you can really make it a health issue. Some people do eat like this and live till 100 or so and never have anything wrong with them. It’s very odd. I think there’s a lot we don’t understand about diet / health. My dad is 80 and never eaten a vegetable or fruit in his life and smokes 40 a day and still works full time. He’s never exercised either. The most he’s ever had wrong with him is an ingrown toenail.

There was a kid who went blind because he only ate chips or something like that. It's a real thing he needs to grow up and stop eating like a malnourished child