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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being too sensitive?

46 replies

Amatueuragonyaunt · 09/05/2021 15:46

Hi all, I don't post much on here but was hoping to get some different perspectives on something. My husband's best friend and his girlfriend are getting married this summer. DH has been asked to be best man, which is great. I'm quite creative and handy with a sewing machine so have been asked if I would help out with decorating the venue, which of course I am. I'm also on standby to help adjust bridesmaid dresses if needed. Also, the couple have a small daughter who our two children play nicely with and the bride keeps saying she really hopes they will be able to keep their daughter amused on the day. Bride and I only know each other through the men, but do socialise all together and have met on our own (back when we were allowed). I wouldn't have said we were very close, but clearly close enough that I have been asked to help out. However, I've just found out I've not been asked to the hen do. In many ways I'm not too concerned but part of me is a bit miffed that I'm being asked to do favours on the one hand but excluded socially on the other. I know no details so it may just be a really small gathering, which I totally get, so perhaps should not be offended, but I can't help it! Am I being too sensitive? I'm also worried now that on the day my husband will be kept really busy and I'll just be a glorified babysitter. Sounds awful, but I'm slightly less inclined to want to help out with the other things now as well. Perhaps that's just me being a cow, but am I wrong to be a little hurt by this?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 09/05/2021 15:49

I'm really sorry but it does sound as though you are being completely used.

Do you and the bride ever see each other independently? Do you message each other about anything other than the wedding?

HollowTalk · 09/05/2021 15:50

Sorry, I need to read the full OP first!

Original poster

Amatueuragonyaunt · 09/05/2021 15:53

We have met up independently but not recently (has anyone?!). We tend to socialise all together more. Message each other occasionally but again mainly through then men. Honestly would not have expected to be invited to the hen do generally speaking, but I feel that being asked to help kind of changed that expectation.

OP posts:

SE13Mummy · 09/05/2021 15:54

Could it be the case that whoever is organising the hen do doesn't know you? As you know about the hen do in advance of it happening, why not ask about it outright? It could be a, "I'd love to come to your hen do..." type question if that's true but if it's more that you'd like an invitation but wouldn't want to go, then maybe go via the men instead.

I only found out about my SIL's hen do after it happened and the photos were shared on Facebook. I get on well with her, have never criticised her etc. unlike my other SIL who was invited. The real kick in the teeth was that my mum was there! She didn't know I'd not been invited.

3Britnee · 09/05/2021 15:55

I'd now find myself incredibly busy. Was she going to pay you for alterations?

romdowa · 09/05/2021 15:56

I'd be upset not to be invited and my machine would magically break and need very expensive parts to be fixed which have to be ordered from Mars.

Overdueanamechange · 09/05/2021 15:57

She sounds like an absolute pisstaker. You are good enough for the donkey work, but not the he do? Send her an advance quotation for dress alterations and venue decoration, "just so we all know where we stand".

Overdueanamechange · 09/05/2021 15:58

Wondering what my autocorrect thinks a he do is

Popcornbetty · 09/05/2021 15:58

Oh op that is awful of the bride not to extend the invite to you. She is fine to ask you to do all of those favours yet cannot even invite you to have some fun along with them. She should have imvited you and it feels like she is using you. I would be inclined to develop a bout of carpal tunnel and say you wont be able to do any sewing (doctors orders.)

Popcornbetty · 09/05/2021 16:00

Agree with others about charging the going rate for your services otherwise .

Original poster

Amatueuragonyaunt · 09/05/2021 16:03

Quite enjoying the suggestion that my machine might not be working properly over the summer. I have no intention of falling out over it and don't want to go fishing for an invite - as I said I don't know the details. I don't think it's just an oversight of the person organising it because it sounds like the list was okayed by the bride. It's good to know that my feelings are at least a little justified though. Just needed to vent a bit!

OP posts:

rjacksmiss · 09/05/2021 16:04

I would find that quite hurtful too..

Crimeismymiddlename · 09/05/2021 16:11

This is hurtful. Good enough to help with things for the wedding, not for fun things. If I was you the sewing machine would be ‘going for repair’ and you are suddenly v busy. The children sadly can’t make it to wedding ether. Just keep her in the oh’s friends girlfriend box now. What a cf she is.

greeneyedlulu · 09/05/2021 16:14

@SE13Mummy

Didn't your mum mention that she was going before hand?

oohmama · 09/05/2021 16:19

Fucccckkkk that
I'd be fuming and deffo wouldn't be a free baby sitter or do any free work for her wedding

greeneyedlulu · 09/05/2021 16:20

Our friends got married, my partner has known the guy for 20 odd years and was asked to be best man but couldn't make it to the very informal stag do. Friend to my partner it was a shame that I couldn't make it to the hen do.... I wasn't invited. I was a bit miffed for all of 5 minutes but to be fair, I've met her a few times, we get on great but we aren't best friends (her best mate is a fucking nightmare, gobshite know it all so it was a relief not to spend an evening in her company) and I was never asked to do as much as you for the wedding. I think this situation is a piss take to be honest.

SunIsComing · 09/05/2021 16:23

What a cf she is!!! Bang out of order.

shivawn · 09/05/2021 16:26

Normally when someone asks if they're being too sensitive my answer is yes but in this case I think you're right to be annoyed! How rude.

Janaih · 09/05/2021 16:31

Mate she is trying to mug you off! I suggest you withdraw your services. Unless you fancy making some bunting with CF embroidered on it, that would be amusing.

Youarecountingonme · 09/05/2021 16:35

Pull back discreetly. Tell her you would have loved to help dress the venue and do the alterations but you have just been offered paid work you can't afford to turn down and leave it at that.

I wold not be doing anything else, beyond turning up on the day and wishing them well. She is a CF.

Youarecountingonme · 09/05/2021 16:36

You are good enough to do the decorations, unpaid, but you are not a close enough friend to get an invite to the hen party

ThatIsMyPotato · 09/05/2021 16:39

It could be a tiiiiiny hen party? Like bride's sister and one friend or something? If not very rude and don't offer any more services for free!

ThatIsMyPotato · 09/05/2021 16:40

@Youarecountingonme

Pull back discreetly. Tell her you would have loved to help dress the venue and do the alterations but you have just been offered paid work you can't afford to turn down and leave it at that.

I wold not be doing anything else, beyond turning up on the day and wishing them well. She is a CF.

This is a great idea, if there's lots of time to go. Or maybe just do the alterations as it's a bit hard to find someone else to do it in a short time. Or just go no contact and let the CF sort herself out.

Brawsome · 09/05/2021 16:43

I thought you were going to say you hadn’t been invited to the wedding itself. Wouldn’t be so worried about the hen do, could be for just a small close group of friends?

Egghead81 · 09/05/2021 16:45

Are you being paid?

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