Beginning to resent my DH - snoring

[iamruth]

I’m sure I probably am being unreasonable but I’m just so sick of constantly interrupted sleep from his snoring. He’s not over weight but over the last twelve months he has started this god awful gurgling snoring every damn night and it means I’m struggling to get even 5/6 hours broken sleep a night. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of migraines which I’m convinced is due to lack of/poor sleep and he’s moaning that I’m “always ill”. I appreciate that he’s frustrated by this but I honestly think that it’s him snoring that is ultimately causing my head splitting vomiting episodes with increasing regularity. We currently have no spare room so I can’t escape unless I sleep with one of the kids in their beds which I have resorted to and I have ordered some ear plugs but what can I do? I’m reaching the end of my tether with it and he just gets arsey with me on the very very few occasions that I nudge him to try to make it stop. Previously he tried sleeping with two pillows instead of one which made a huge difference but he’s now back to one because it’s more comfortable for him. Ultimately I can’t make him do anything but, as dramatic as it sounds, I just can’t carry on. AIBU to ask him to at least try to do something to stop?

A yes to separate rooms. When the kids move out that's our plan.

That is really interesting billy1966 Thankyou. I am having a sleep study done for myself soon - I don’t even snore but my doctor wants to investigate my increasing tiredness. It can be done at home, so I do not know why my DH won’t go to the doctor. I am not someone who believes snorers can’t help it, so I know I sound really unsympathetic, but I think the snorer owes it to those around them to investigate causes. I would also suggest that it is not you who leaves the bedroom OP. He should be the one sleeping on the couch or the floor, unless he is willing to seek help. My DH actually likes sleeping on the couch (too many years of being turfed out of bed!)

I would try all the easy fixes before you go to the doctor. Does he sleep with his mouth open? If so then the Breathe Right strips and a nasal spray could help a great deal. They really work if you are that type of snorer.

I'm married to a professional snorer who has tried everything to stop it, including surgery to rebore his nose. None of it worked.
It was making me ill - never getting more than 45 minutes uninterrupted sleep. On my knees with exhaustion.
We have had separate rooms for probably 20 years now, and our marriage is a much happier place because of it.
We go on holiday with two other families every year, and none of the couples sleep together for exactly this reason.

Not sharing a bed with your DH is like a social taboo - separate rooms means the marriage is over. Bollocks to that.

my oh snores. . if there was a spare bedroom I would sleep in that but unfortunately there isn't (although considering getting kids a bunk bed so I have a spare bed)
I use a sleep app and listen to a white noise that helps drown him out and I sleep at the opposite end of the bed. I also make him sleep on his side if he goes on to his back he gets pushed back over. sometimes I also stick tissue paper in my ears to help block the noise out too

@Feather12

That is really interesting billy1966 Thankyou. I am having a sleep study done for myself soon - I don’t even snore but my doctor wants to investigate my increasing tiredness. It can be done at home, so I do not know why my DH won’t go to the doctor. I am not someone who believes snorers can’t help it, so I know I sound really unsympathetic, but I think the snorer owes it to those around them to investigate causes. I would also suggest that it is not you who leaves the bedroom OP. He should be the one sleeping on the couch or the floor, unless he is willing to seek help. My DH actually likes sleeping on the couch (too many years of being turfed out of bed!)

Because of the investigations they found out that he wasn't getting much more than 90 hours sleep.

He would be dozing on and off all evening before bed.

It's a wonder he wasn't ill, managing for so many years on so little sleep.

My DH is a snorer and I've put up with this for 10 years 😞 I've recently started using a fan next to my bed because of hot flushes through the night (another post) and I've found this really drowns out the awful snoring noises. There is an app on Alexa for other sounds to play that may help, other than that ear plugs or kick him!!

DH has got restless legs, and snores. Sharing a bed is a form of torture. It's a family joke that one of them will end up bailing me out of the local Police station before long.

So much sympathy. DH and I are in different rooms now after it got to the point I could hardly stand the sight of him. I was permanently exhausted and irritable with a blinding headache. There is only so much you can take.

Iv reversed for years dh snored and kept me awake. I learned to sleep with foam earplugs. Now I'm menopausal, Im snoring and waking dh. Its really crappy to be nudged all the time, angry comments during the night and he makes me feel crap about it the next day. We take turns on the sofa usually

These worked for me - so cheap definitely worth a try

www.google.co.uk/shopping/product/75448192361241279?q=snoring+solutions&client=safari&hl=en-gb&biw=320&bih=449&tbs=vw:l,ss:44&prmd=sivn&sxsrf=ALeKk03yqKpNmAo53ihWGJ5GuOAprwUDkg:1620595879761&prds=num:1,of:1,eto:3400260058276094411_0,prmr:1,cs:1

DH had been sleeping with his head at the opposite end to me before I tried these!

• He would be dozing on and off all evening before bed. It's a wonder he wasn't ill, managing for so many years on so little sleep.*

Well, the thing is, he WAS ill, just not in a way that was easily visible. Everyone who had a spouse or partner that snores and is waffling about going to the GP, we’re talking about a medical condition that puts them at higher risk of heart attack, stroke, and dementia. The person is essentially suffocating themselves several times a night. Of course that’s not healthy.

So try to get him into the doctor, try to push for sleep apnea assessment, and if none of that works and ESPECIALLY if he whinges that he can’t do anything about it..... get a new, very deep patio.

@Feather12

I sympathise because my husband is the worst snorer ever. Has he been to a doctor? To check for sleep apnoea? I am convinced my DH has that, he stops and starts breathing, which makes the snoring even worse. He has refused to get it sorted so I have no sympathy and kick him EVERY time he makes a noise.

Please urge your DH to see his GP and get referred to a sleep clinic.

DH had such bad sleep apnoea that he had over 50 episodes of stopping breathing per hour.

He has also had a silent stroke. We don't know if the stroke caused the sleep apnoea or the sleep apnoea caused the stroke. Either way it should not be ignored. Also, if he isn't getting good quality sleep he shouldn't be driving.

It's awful. Lack of sleep will kill a relationship far quicker than seperate bedrooms.
We decided to have seperate rooms years ago, due to husband's persistent loud snoring, best decision ever!

My DH snores and it’s separate rooms for us. When we go on holiday I load up on the boots anti snoring products for him (throat and nose sprays), use macks pillowsoft silicone earplugs (sooooo much better than the foam ones!) and take over the counter sleep aids. And most of the time I still wake up with the pillow wrapped round my ears 😂

My dh ended up having an operation in his throat, they removed the dangly thing and tonsils because of his snoring. You have my sympathy. I ended up waking him EVERY time he woke me. I could have honestly killed him on a few occasions.

I can't sleep with ear plus so moved into the spare room. It was bliss!

Ironically it's now me that snores

Sleep apnoea is really dangerous and so many people won't get it sorted out or investigated. My husband refused to get his sleep apnoea looked into until I told him that it can cause a heart attack and he finally went to the GP and subsequently the sleep clinic. Now sleeps with a C Pap machine and feels 100% better

Sleep apnoea is really dangerous and so many people won't get it sorted out or investigated.

This ^^ is so important. DH also uses a CPAP machine now.