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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a pub/bar alone?

55 replies

RoseBearx · 08/05/2021 10:30

I’ll be blunt, I have no friends. I’ve been bad at staying in contact with people. Since outdoor things opened I’ve found myself resentful of everybody out enjoy life, having cocktails etc. But then I thought, why shouldn’t I bloody go and get a cocktail if that’s what I want? I do have a date with somebody from PlentyOfFish tomorrow at a nice country pub, though tbh I arranged that just so I’d have somebody to go out with.

There’s another place I’d like to go to though, and I’m wondering whether to just go on my own today. During the day, and treating myself to a nice meal and a fussy cocktail. Would the bar staff judge me for being alone? Would I get pestered? What’s your experience with this?

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 08/05/2021 10:32

Go and enjoy yourself! Take a book if you want or just people watch.

I went for lunch yesterday myself and had the best time.

BowserJr · 08/05/2021 10:32

Just go on your own. You are a paying customer, let the staff judge you all they want. Your paying custom is as good as anyone else's.

In my teens and 20s, I had the fear of doing things alone. After having kids and never being left alone, I do so many things alone now. It's great.

Cheeseandlobster · 08/05/2021 10:33

Absolutely do it. Its great to just please yourself. I went on holiday alone last year and had a blissful week of sipping cocktails and eating dinners in all the places I wanted to go. I took my kindle with me but often I just sat and enjoyed it. Its so healthy to be able to enjoy your own company

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 08/05/2021 10:34

Of course you can go alone and have a treat!!

But I also think there is another issue to address longer term and maybe you could use things opening up again as an excuse to reach out to an old friend or two and make some plans.

I have had ppl I haven't seen in years text to meet up-lots of ppl have been bad at staying in touch over lockdown-don't beat yourself up but do think who you'd like to have a cocktail with and get some plans in the diary!!

Cheeseandlobster · 08/05/2021 10:34

Please go and post back. You could even post during?

mindutopia · 08/05/2021 10:34

Sure, why not? I have a dh and dc and plenty of friends and I go to bars and pubs alone. It's lovely to sit by yourself and read a book or people watch. I go on holiday alone and go out for meals and drinks by myself the whole time. It's really nice and no reason you should feel like you have to be stuck at home. Fwiw, I've never been made to feel uncomfortable or had anyone bother me.

BadLad · 08/05/2021 10:36

Would the bar staff judge me for being alone? Would I get pestered? What’s your experience with this?

The bar staff almost certainly won't give a shit. Even if they do give it any thought, they won't tell you what they are thinking.

Being pestered - depending on the place, how approachable you like and the type of clientele, yes, if you are a woman on your own, there is some chance that you might get people attempting to chat you up.

I sometimes go into bars on my own, and never care what people might think. Being male, I rarely get pestered (although it sometimes happens) and women take a polite knock-back much better than men do, in my experience.

PaulaTrilloe · 08/05/2021 10:47

PreCovid I used to work away from home quite a lot which can involve overnight stays of several days alone in unfamiliar cities.
I really miss it and my alone me time! It is quite common to see others in the same situation reading their book or paper in a bar or restaurant.
You will be fine! I've often found that staff often have a chat / keep a watchful eye so you don't get pestered by the local barfly
I say give it a whirl, treat yourself to a nice post lockdown warm up to socialising

PaulaTrilloe · 08/05/2021 10:53

I am also looking forward to my next visit to our local micropub. I frequently go there on my own. There are quite a few weekday commercial travellers who go there for a pint after work who go back to their hometown at the weekend and others who are there a few weeks of the year with work. Customers are generally lovely and over the years I have made a few friends from Ireland, Wales, Germany, Poland, Iceland and Essex!

SmileyClare · 08/05/2021 10:55

Maybe think what you want to get out of it? If you want to be left alone in the pub to have a drink or whatever then take a book or something. That signals you don't want to socialise.

If you want to go to socialise with other people then that's a different matter. You could perhaps strike up a conversation at the bar.

I think I might find it lonely to go to a cocktail bar on my own if surrounded by groups laughing and having fun? Pick your pub carefully. A quiet out of the way pub might be more your thing

Needhelp101 · 08/05/2021 10:57

I used to do this all the time and now things are opening up, will do so again! I love it.
The bar staff won't give a flying one and if you do get pestered (rare) will help you out. Do it!

OldEvilOwl · 08/05/2021 10:57

I'm bar staff, I wouldn't judge. Id probably chat to you. Go and enjoy yourself

Needhelp101 · 08/05/2021 10:58

Pub lunch, wine, the papers and solitude. Bliss Smile

sausageisassausagedoes · 08/05/2021 10:59

Taking myself out for dinner or a cocktail (OR SOMETIMES BOTH) is one of my favourite things to do. Do it! You'll have a great time.

Guavafish · 08/05/2021 11:01

No one will care and you may find company with others!

Allwokedup · 08/05/2021 11:02

I love going to the pub for lunch alone. Such a nice thing to do. Yes go go go!! Enjoy.

Abracadabra12345 · 08/05/2021 11:09

I was thinking the other day of doing this but felt I’d be too self conscious to dine or drink alone. So this has been amazing and uplifting to read, and has given me a shot of confidence. I love these sorts of threads.

OP please report back and thank you for starting this

BigFatLiar · 08/05/2021 11:14

As a single female you'll probably be fine, he bar staff will probably intervene if you have an issue (but don't count on it). OH only goes with me or his mates, used to go on his own occasionally but found it a problem. He'd take a book or newspaper have a seat and a drink then if he went for another drink come back to find someone (a couple/family usually) had moved his stuff off the table onto a sill or the floor and taken the table. He's not the sort to cause a fuss so left his beer, picked up his stuff and left. Staff totally uninterested. Happened a few times so just doesn't bother now, not much of an issue now as he can't drink for health reasons.

If you want to go on your own I'd say pick somewhere nice and not too busy. Enjoy a decent meal, a drink and watching the world go by.

tenterden · 08/05/2021 11:17

I often travel on my own both in UK and abroad, for business and for leisure.

Sometimes I prefer being alone Grin

I usually find the staff make more of a fuss of me, and as PP have said, taking a book is a good strategy if you think you might feel nervous.

BigFatLiar · 08/05/2021 11:19

@Abracadabra12345

I was thinking the other day of doing this but felt I’d be too self conscious to dine or drink alone. So this has been amazing and uplifting to read, and has given me a shot of confidence. I love these sorts of threads.

OP please report back and thank you for starting this

Be like a previous poster and go for lunch.

I always think going out for a drink is a social thing and being on your own would be a bit boring. Depends where you go but I wouldn't if you found it objectionable to being approached by men (possibly women) as for many thats part of being in a bar.

JackANackAnoreeee · 08/05/2021 11:20

When I consider going to a pub alone I always assume everyone will judge me negatively when I see someone else at a pub alone I always feel envious and assume they're a confident, together person who is comfortable in their own company.

Go and have fun!

Tehmina23 · 08/05/2021 11:27

I've done this many times and never been chatted up (unfortunately); for example if meeting friends in a bar I get there early and chill out and have a drink on my own.

Or if I've been to the gym I go to the attached bar afterwards and get a Coke Zero and maybe even a meal.

Bar staff are either too busy too care or are friendly.

There's always men and often other women alone.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 08/05/2021 11:27

Go and have fun, OP! Nobody will bat an eyelid.

...and remember that in The Olden Days, before the internet existed, this was exactly how we met new friends, and even partners. The world isn’t always a hostile place.

Tehmina23 · 08/05/2021 11:28

However there are certain locals' pubs I wouldn't go in alone as the men in those pubs can be a bit old fashioned...

Lookingoutside · 08/05/2021 11:29

I doubt very much that anyone would judge you OP. If they do the issue is definitely theirs! I’ve had some lovely times by myself over the years, initially because I moved to a new city when I was younger and then travelled for work quite a bit. I suppose I got used to it that way and then started doing it by choice.

Maybe go and get a cocktail and if you feel comfortable then order some food? You could take a laptop or tablet if you have one or just chat to us on here. I’ll keep my phone nearby this afternoon if you like?

I really hope you go OP. Tell us what you decide to do🍸