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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a pub/bar alone?

55 replies

RoseBearx · 08/05/2021 10:30

I’ll be blunt, I have no friends. I’ve been bad at staying in contact with people. Since outdoor things opened I’ve found myself resentful of everybody out enjoy life, having cocktails etc. But then I thought, why shouldn’t I bloody go and get a cocktail if that’s what I want? I do have a date with somebody from PlentyOfFish tomorrow at a nice country pub, though tbh I arranged that just so I’d have somebody to go out with.

There’s another place I’d like to go to though, and I’m wondering whether to just go on my own today. During the day, and treating myself to a nice meal and a fussy cocktail. Would the bar staff judge me for being alone? Would I get pestered? What’s your experience with this?

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/05/2021 11:32

I’ve done this before, and the cinema. Love it, people watch, read, MN. Go OP and have a lovely time.

Confusedandshaken · 08/05/2021 11:47

I often do this. It's lovely to sit alone with my thoughts or stare out of the window or read as I eat and drink.

sausageisassausagedoes · 08/05/2021 11:48

OP, you have motivated me to go for lunch, by myself, right now.

And it will be good.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 08/05/2021 11:54

If you're in the UK, other than it's probably pouring with rain and you'll have to sit outside - go, have a great time.
I often eat out alone - rarely go to a bar, but then I don't enjoy pubs/bars with friends

Cheeseandlobster · 08/05/2021 11:59

@BigFatLiar

As a single female you'll probably be fine, he bar staff will probably intervene if you have an issue (but don't count on it). OH only goes with me or his mates, used to go on his own occasionally but found it a problem. He'd take a book or newspaper have a seat and a drink then if he went for another drink come back to find someone (a couple/family usually) had moved his stuff off the table onto a sill or the floor and taken the table. He's not the sort to cause a fuss so left his beer, picked up his stuff and left. Staff totally uninterested. Happened a few times so just doesn't bother now, not much of an issue now as he can't drink for health reasons.

If you want to go on your own I'd say pick somewhere nice and not too busy. Enjoy a decent meal, a drink and watching the world go by.

That is arsehole cf behaviour. Its a shame your dh didnt feel able to challenge this. I totally understand why he didnt but I always feel if people get away with this they will think its ok and will continue to do it.
AlCalavicci · 08/05/2021 12:18

I have done gone for a beer / meal pleanty of times on my own and I love it , you can go where ever you fancy , stay as long as you like go on to another pub or go home its great .
The one thing I would caution you against is leaving your drink / coat / bag while you go to the loo / bar .
As PP said some cheeky swine's will talked your table or just take your stuff , so try to get a table close to the bar in a quiteish 'locals' pub rather than a big barn type place like Weatherspoon's/ lloyds where you can ask the bar staff to keep a eye on your stuff .
I have worked in many pubs and I would do my best to keep a eye on things for you but it is not certain that i would see / be able to stop someone taking your stuff or table .

AlCalavicci · 08/05/2021 12:19

talked your table ? = take your table .

I mean if they want to just talk to your table they can but . . . . .[confused}

UseOfWeapons · 08/05/2021 12:32

I live alone, and although I have friends, we can’t always meet at times that suit us.
Prior to CV19 buggering everything up, I mostly went out alone, whether to eat, or or for a coffee, or whatever. I take a book, but love to to watch the world go by.
I’ve never felt ‘judged’ by staff, and if I did, I’d not give a stuff!
Go for it, it’ll be fine!

sashh · 08/05/2021 12:37

OP

Do it.

I've done it on three continents, or maybe 4. Do airport bars count?

Minikievs · 08/05/2021 12:43

I went to a city centre bar last night. The guy on the next table was watching something on his iPad, alone, with a pint and a packet of fags.
If I lived closer to town and had no childcare issues, I would absolutely do this.
It's entirely different watching something in a busy pub garden, surrounded by people, chatting to the waiting staff etc than being sat at home alone.
I say go do it. And I hope you have a lovely time Thanks

northernsquirrel · 08/05/2021 12:56

Do it! Enjoyed some great meals and several holidays alone :)

sbhydrogen · 08/05/2021 13:00

Pre-Covid I used to go to the pub alone all the time. I would bring a book or my laptop and have a glass of wine (or three) before sauntering home. I never felt awkward, or harassed, or judged. I miss the pub!

theDudesmummy · 08/05/2021 13:00

Taking myself out to lunch alone has been one of the things I have missed most in the pandemic

Mintjulia · 08/05/2021 13:07

For goodness sake, go. I do it all the time.

Today I did the food shop, bought a newspaper, came home via the village pub and had a glass of cider sitting in the pub garden in the sun. It's going to rain later so I grabbed my moment. Did the crossword. Smile

Who cares what anyone thinks? All that awaited me at home was a Minecraft-obsessed teen.

BigFatLiar · 08/05/2021 13:26

Just pick a nice place with decent food and enjoy some time out. If you're bothered try and avoid the busy times.

Enjoy yourself tomorrow, hope the weathers better for you.

Does it need to be a bar? Could something else do? Like a trip to the local NT for a walk and cream tea fill the gap?

IEat · 08/05/2021 13:27

Hello to the 1970,s

Lookingoutside · 08/05/2021 13:57

@IEat

Eh?

lidoshuffle · 08/05/2021 14:03

You might feel people are looking at you, but honestly - nobody else is remotely interested in you, they all have their own lives/problems.

Go and enjoy it, don't constrain your own life, there are enough circumstances/people that will do that for you.

purplecorkheart · 08/05/2021 14:45

I often go to restaurants/bars/coffee shops/spas/cinemas/theatre in my own. I have only once had a member of the staff comment and that was to ask did I want to people watch or use my phone. The best table for people watching was out of the Wifi range.

Macncheeseballs · 08/05/2021 15:02

It's one of lives great pleasures

JorisBonson · 08/05/2021 15:14

I love stopping for a solo beer on my way home. I also regularly have a solo lunch in Soho and watch the world go by for hours. It's the best.

Cheeseandlobster · 08/05/2021 15:25

@IEat

Hello to the 1970,s
How? The op wants to and was just asking for a bit of a hand hold. If she was saying she cant go out without her dh / dp then that would be different
saltinesandcoffeecups · 08/05/2021 15:30

I travel a lot for work so dining out by myself is second nature at this point. As others have said, go and enjoy yourself.

Here are my hints for enjoying the experience.

Bring a book or something but don’t feel like you have to have your nose in it the whole time. Half the fun of lone dining is people watching!

I prefer to eat at the bar if I’m feeling social.

Talk to the staff be open and friendly (if you’re in a chatty mood) don’t be shy at interjecting into a conversation if it seems right.

Don’t be shy about telling servers that you aren’t in any hurry. Sometimes servers get the idea you want in and out as quick as possible, let them know you are there to enjoy yourself.

If you need to use the facilities, I generally sort of mention it to the server or bartender, or ask them where it is so they know I’m still there but stepping away. It goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway, don’t leave your purse or bag unattended. Weirdly I see lone women diners do this a lot.

It will feel a little awkward at first but I promise that no one is judging you. At most they’ll notice you and go back to their own thing.

Original poster
RoseBearx · 08/05/2021 23:43

@IEat.

Thanks for your input dear, though you can’t expect anybody to understand what the he’ll you are going on about with so little information.

OP posts:
AlCalavicci · 09/05/2021 01:19

@RoseBearx
Did you go out ?