Have I ruined my marriage?

[Username404]

I told my husband something really hurtful. I don’t think I can be forgiven.
I told him I wish we could put our son up for adoption. I don’t know why I told him that, those terrible thoughts should stay in my head.
I have PND, and it’s not getting any better. Son has just turned 1. I have been persevering for a year now and there has been no improvement to my mental health. I’ve just given up now. I don’t want to keep trying anymore. I’m miserable and hate being a mother.
My husband was so hurt. He’s gone to bed now and I don’t know if he’ll ever talk to me again. Maybe I should just leave them both. I think it might be the best option for everyone.
I love my husband so much though. Can our relationship recover?

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

Take your medication.
Your husband is likely just tired and sad and probably frustrated that you won't help yourself and take the medication.
Just take it - it will take a lot longer to get better if you don't

[Topseyt]

@Donitta

Donitta I don’t think he is a dick at all. It must have been so hard for him to hear and sometimes people just need time and space to process things
Not as hard for him to hear as it is for her to experience. Stamping off when someone expresses their feelings and asks for support is childish and unhelpful. “Please help me... no, how dare you feel like that!”. She’s taken a big step in reaching out to express difficult feelings and ask for support. But no, he is hurt by her feelings, it’s all about him. Never mind how she feels. He’s a dick.

No, he isn't a dick. OP never even said that he stormed off in a temper.

Sounds to me like he has been very supportive but must be out of his depth here. Especially as OP is very unwell but too anxious to take her medication.

I have a DD (now almost 19) who has had severe mental health issues for all of her teenage years. Looking after and worrying constantly about someone in the throes of MH crises is exhausted and very wearing. I've done it too. There were times when for my own sanity I had to step back, even if not for long. Was I a dick for that? No, I wasn't!

OP, please take your medication. Give it a good chance. Speak to your GP again. They should be able to reassure you regarding the worry about seizures and should be able to give you an urgent referral for the correct counseling services. Your Health Visitor can probably still help further too.

I had PND just after my first DD was born. Thankfully in my case it didn't last too long and began to lift after about 8 weeks but fuck me, it was horrible. I had many of the intrusive thoughts described here too.

Sympathy to you, and all the best for your recovery.