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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex not paying a weeks child maintenance taking kids on holiday for the week?

89 replies

Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 16:11

Is this reasonable? He's taken them Mon-Fri on holiday, should he have a week off paying maintenance for this? Thanks

OP posts:
wigjuice · 07/05/2021 17:04

Get it paid officially so he has no choice on how and when you use it. Why would you give him that power over you?

Cleverpolly3 · 07/05/2021 17:05

Another man trying to pull this shit.
So depressing.

Original poster
Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 17:09

I will get it officially now thanks

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/05/2021 17:17

@FTEngineerM

He has no say in how the money is used.

I didn’t say he did, this is her asking, not him 😬 but I mean if you wanna put words in my mouth go ahead..

Maybe you could have phrased it better. That really is not how it reads.

My apologies nonetheless 😁

Original poster
Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 17:21

Does cms pay a set amount or does it depend on his weekly wage? His hours vary from week to week

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 07/05/2021 17:23

They will base it on his annual income. Is he self employed. I would be much more reluctant to go to the cms if he is.

Original poster
Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 17:25

No he's not self employed

OP posts:
waitingpatientlyforspring · 07/05/2021 17:26

@Shooshybobs

Does cms pay a set amount or does it depend on his weekly wage? His hours vary from week to week
I work in payroll and have one staff member on cms and we get a new form every month, often same amount but sometimes different depending on how much he earned month before.
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 07/05/2021 17:27

Definitely the CMS, life is too short to deal with that kind of shit on a regular basis.

notapizzaeater · 07/05/2021 17:28

If you know roughly what he earns run it through the cms calculator - they will sort it out,

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/05/2021 17:30

Tell him to contact the landlord/mortgage company and explain that since the kids aren't occupying their bedrooms that week you'll be making a reduced payment. Presumably he's also going to pay for clothing for the holiday?

CombatBarbie · 07/05/2021 17:30

You don't need a comeback, it's the legal minimum requirement. Id simply say, if its not in my acct by Monday I'm going to CMS

Lachimolala · 07/05/2021 17:31

Has he had a mock to the head? You don’t get payment holidays from CMS ffs! Best thing I ever did was involving the CMS. It took the power of him holding the maintenance over my head and using it to manipulate me with away, now he’s on collect and pay and deeply regretting his silly game paying.

Original poster
Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 17:43

@Lachimolala

Has he had a mock to the head? You don’t get payment holidays from CMS ffs! Best thing I ever did was involving the CMS. It took the power of him holding the maintenance over my head and using it to manipulate me with away, now he’s on collect and pay and deeply regretting his silly game paying.
I agree as I'm sure some weeks he's earning way more than he'd like to admit and he reduced the payments a few months back too saying he was paying too much so now it's the minimum required but I don't know what income he's actually put in the calculations for this. At least with cms I'd know it will be paid
OP posts:
araiwa · 07/05/2021 17:46

If I wasn't desperate for the money then I'd rather he spend it on the kids during the holiday

Original poster
Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 17:55

@araiwa

If I wasn't desperate for the money then I'd rather he spend it on the kids during the holiday
A conversation about that together would have been nice though so I was part of that type of plan, it's the power of him just deciding that's bugging me
OP posts:
toocold54 · 07/05/2021 18:02

CMS will work it out depending on how many nights a week he has them. If he has them 5/7 nights on that week then they’ll reduce the payments that week because you’re not feeding them etc that week.

Honestly if it was me then I wouldn’t ask for maintenance that week anyway as that money can be spent on them during their holiday.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/05/2021 18:13

I can see why he thinks that. When it’s 50/50 no payment is due.

I think child support is for the children’s costs so food, clothes, life skills like swimming etc. Rent and bills both parents will have as both need a home for the children and would have those costs anyway.

Original poster
Shooshybobs · 07/05/2021 18:17

This week he's had them on holiday but next week he will end up having them no nights as he will be back at work so it will balance out and is well under the 155 nights per year which is what he's based his payments on.
I wouldn't mind if he had discussed this first and of course I'd want extra to be spent on kids on hols. As I said i just don't like the power of deciding one week he won't pay and I'm expecting the money if that makes sense

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 07/05/2021 18:18

He still needs to pay as you will still have things to pay for.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 07/05/2021 18:19

@toocold54

CMS will work it out depending on how many nights a week he has them. If he has them 5/7 nights on that week then they’ll reduce the payments that week because you’re not feeding them etc that week.

Honestly if it was me then I wouldn’t ask for maintenance that week anyway as that money can be spent on them during their holiday.

No they won't. Its done as an average over the year.
Cleverpolly3 · 07/05/2021 18:33

@toocold54

CMS will work it out depending on how many nights a week he has them. If he has them 5/7 nights on that week then they’ll reduce the payments that week because you’re not feeding them etc that week.

Honestly if it was me then I wouldn’t ask for maintenance that week anyway as that money can be spent on them during their holiday.

Incorrect
MarcelinesMa · 07/05/2021 18:43

Go through CMS just to avoid having him piss you about with no repercussions in the future.

So many of these threads lately about gobshite NRP lately. All of them bloody men Hmm Doesn’t surprise me but it’s depressing and rage inducing.

harknesswitch · 07/05/2021 19:07

No it doesn't change his cm unless it tips him over into another bracket

Night per year
Less than 52
52 to 103
104 to 155
156 to 174
175 or more

HugeAckmansWife · 07/05/2021 19:14

As others have said, it's an annual calculation. My ex has them eow but then for long stints in the school hols. I did once consider giving him half the CB in the summer holidays but he's such a tight arse prick about paying absolutely nothing over the cms minimum, I decided not to. OP just let cms sort it out. I do think it's a shame though that 'going to cms' is like a threat. It should just be an admin thing that everyone uses rather than a backstop to threaten or enforce (not that it does either very well!)