Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be grumpy with DH over holiday

37 replies

LadyHedgehog · 07/05/2021 09:17

This is a real first world problem, so please read it in that context!

We are planning a holiday as a celebration. Now looking at Summer 2022 due to Covid.

There was something I really wanted to do but DH said he wanted to think about it and check it was good value for money. Yesterday we looked again, he said that actually, yes, he did want to do it. We chose dates and he booked time off work.

Then as I was about to book, he said actually he wasn't sure. He isn't convinced it is good value for money and we should go somewhere else for longer for the same money - note that this was 'somewhere else' abstract, not an actual place. Just a 'nice hotel' and 'activities'.

I was really really disappointed. I tried very hard not to show it, but did not succeed.

Later he said 'okay, we'll do it', but I feel like it's only because I got upset. I am no longer excited to book because I am worried I will feel so much pressure for it to be 'good value for money' and do not want DH to resent spending money on it if it isn't excellent. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face.

Voting:
YABU - he said yes, just book it
YANBU - find somewhere else

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 07/05/2021 09:20

Just book it.
He can do his 'something else' the following year.
He's just got FOMO.

Hoppinggreen · 07/05/2021 09:22

Holidays shouldn’t be based around whether they are value for money.
Yes have a budget if you want but the value is will you enjoy it or not

osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/05/2021 09:23

I'd book it for myself and he can find his own 'value for money'

RightOnTheEdge · 07/05/2021 09:24

Just book it and leave him at home. He sounds like a right bore.

Washimal · 07/05/2021 09:25

This is a lot of angst about something that's supposed to be fun and relaxing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/05/2021 09:26

Surely enjoying it makes it good value for money? I'd be worried he would mither and critique every element of it when he arrived.

Is he like this with other purchases?

TurquoiseDragon · 07/05/2021 09:29

The real value for money is if you enjoy the holiday. Going somewhere else for longer, for the same money, means nothing if you don't actually enjoy it.

Dogoodfeelgood · 07/05/2021 09:29

He sounds like my DP! Who is constantly insisting on checking flights etc himself even though I’ve spent hours looking and have found the ideal ones. Holidays shouldn’t be about value for money but rather deciding a place you would like to go and finding the best hotel within budget! BTW for a lovely holiday experience I would recommend Airbnb as you do get much more room for less money than a hotel, unless your budget stretches to amazing hotels - in which case the same budget applied to an amazing Airbnb would still be better value for money in my opinion!

Dogoodfeelgood · 07/05/2021 09:30

But that does depend on where you are going and what your holiday vibe is of course.

Original poster
LadyHedgehog · 07/05/2021 09:30

@Washimal

This is a lot of angst about something that's supposed to be fun and relaxing.
I know! I was so excited and I feel like the fun's been sucked out of it.
OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 07/05/2021 09:33

Stop angsting and book it! And why wouldn't you want to tell him you were disappointed when he changed his mind on something you wanted to do?! Why try to hide it?

TimeForTeaAndG · 07/05/2021 09:35

Tell him he has a day to figure out what this other place/activity might be otherwise you're going with the option that he already agreed to. Remind him that a celebration holiday isn't about value for money. Staying at home and not bothering would be better value for money but that's not the point.

DingDongDenny · 07/05/2021 09:35

My DH is a nightmare when we are booking holidays. I do all the research and he just acts like a really picky customer. It drives me mad. The truth is he's not that bothered about holidays and I am

Once we go though its all forgotten about and we generally have a great time.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/05/2021 09:38

If you book can you cancel? Is it like a week in Disney/safari/Maldives vs 2.5 weeks in Greece/Spain? I think if I could get a refund I'd just book and tell him at least it's secure now and when he has a plan you can look at both options again (hint: he's never going to come up with a plan)

Original poster
LadyHedgehog · 07/05/2021 10:03

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

If you book can you cancel? Is it like a week in Disney/safari/Maldives vs 2.5 weeks in Greece/Spain? I think if I could get a refund I'd just book and tell him at least it's secure now and when he has a plan you can look at both options again (hint: he's never going to come up with a plan)
There is a 15% non-refundable deposit, so cancelling would not be an option.

I think I would be less grumpy if he actually had another option, but you are right, he will not come up with a plan!

OP posts:
Topseyt · 07/05/2021 10:11

He has backed off, so just book it. Say no more about it and let the subject drop after that.

If he does start up again say that no, this is what you originally agreed, that you are and have been really looking forward to it so will be extremely disappointed if he keeps on like this.

TurquoiseDragon · 07/05/2021 10:42

@TimeForTeaAndG

Tell him he has a day to figure out what this other place/activity might be otherwise you're going with the option that he already agreed to. Remind him that a celebration holiday isn't about value for money. Staying at home and not bothering would be better value for money but that's not the point.
I agree with this, there's no point going on about "something else" if he hasn't researched anything.
Original poster
LadyHedgehog · 07/05/2021 11:57

Okay I've gone and booked it! I've got over a year to bring him round to the idea!!

OP posts:
honeylulu · 07/05/2021 12:18

Sounds just like my DH. He likes the idea of a holiday in abstract. We discuss some ideas we both like, then I have to do all the research and planning. I then try and pin him down on a final decision and he starts sighing and shrugging and finding problems (which I have already explored and resolved during my many hours of research) and wondering if "something else" would be a better idea. But it is never clear what this might be. He will say he will do some research himself but nothing happens so I end up booking the original plan. We go on holiday and he always loves it. i think he actually has a better time than me because he gets a lovely holiday arranged and all he has to do is pack - stress free. Never any thanks for doing it either!

Sexnotgender · 07/05/2021 12:28

@LadyHedgehog

Okay I've gone and booked it! I've got over a year to bring him round to the idea!!
Don’t try and bring him round. That sounds epically tedious, why would you?

You agreed on it, it’s booked, that’s all you need to do.

HelpMeh · 07/05/2021 12:32

Glad you've booked it, but I need to know what it is please Grin

Topseyt · 07/05/2021 12:48

@LadyHedgehog

Okay I've gone and booked it! I've got over a year to bring him round to the idea!!
Glad you've booked it.

I wouldn't bother trying to bring him round. He did already agree to it once, then questioned it without coming up with any acceptable alternative and backed down when he saw it upset you.

It is booked now and that needs to be the end of the story.

We do need to know what it is though. Must be exciting, and we could all do with a bit of excitement to look forward to after the last year. 😎

3Britnee · 07/05/2021 14:47

I'd go without him. He sounds fucking miserable.

Original poster
LadyHedgehog · 07/05/2021 15:06

@HelpMeh

Glad you've booked it, but I need to know what it is please Grin
It's a luxury four day wine tour - includes accommodation, fancy meals, and obviously transport to/from and tours/wine tastings at vineyards around Bordeaux.
OP posts:
gamerchick · 07/05/2021 15:08

@honeylulu

Sounds just like my DH. He likes the idea of a holiday in abstract. We discuss some ideas we both like, then I have to do all the research and planning. I then try and pin him down on a final decision and he starts sighing and shrugging and finding problems (which I have already explored and resolved during my many hours of research) and wondering if "something else" would be a better idea. But it is never clear what this might be. He will say he will do some research himself but nothing happens so I end up booking the original plan. We go on holiday and he always loves it. i think he actually has a better time than me because he gets a lovely holiday arranged and all he has to do is pack - stress free. Never any thanks for doing it either!
Sounds like he knows exactly what he's doing there.