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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want people to calm my baby by his actual name?

814 replies

SimGuruRu · 07/05/2021 07:59

Name change as outing. To avoid the inevitable “what’s his name” replies ... he’s called Brian, hence outing.
He’s 6 weeks old and friends and family seem unable to call him by his actual name. They make up stupid names for him “baby Bobo” for example, I’ve had people literally snigger when I say his name. MIL has outright told us it’s an awful name for a baby and she can’t say it without laughing.
I’ve told DH I’m getting to the point where I feel if people can’t call him by his name maybe they shouldn’t be seeing him?! He thinks this is an overreaction and that I’m being too dramatic. They are going to make him grow up hating his own name.
AIBU?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 08/05/2021 06:22

YANBU

What’s wrong with the name Brian? Some people should just keep their comments to themselves instead of being rude. There are lots of names I don’t care for (usually due to being IMO boring or too popular) but I wouldn’t tell someone who has just had a baby what those names are if they chosen it.

My husband has an Uncle Brian. I had a friend named Brian who was Lebanese and a diplomat. Never crossed my mind that that would be a “laughable” name. Ignore them OP and you are not being dramatic. I bet they’d be upset and defensive if someone laughed at their names. I definitely wouldn’t let such people near my child, shows you what type of people they are. I wouldn’t be able not to look at them like their idiots.

phoenixrosehere · 08/05/2021 06:29

I don't understand the hate. People are so rude!
OK so it might not be fashion right now, should you call him a "popular" name like Oliver so he can be one of five kids with the same name in his class just because it's fashion now 🙄

Absolutely! I know so many people growing up who hated having a popular name because of this. This was the major factor in us deciding names for our sons.

OldWivesTale · 08/05/2021 06:35

My dad's name is Barry. He's in his 70's. He's still not forgiven his parents for lumbering him for his whole life with a totally naff name. I'm afraid that Brian is of a similar ilk. It's just a bit of a joke name. That may change in time but I doubt it and I wouldn't risk it to be honest.

borntobequiet · 08/05/2021 06:40

It’s a perfectly OK name and people are being stupid. Other good names that are out of fashion because of decades old “humour” are, eg, Colin, Trevor and so on.
What it goes to show is that some people are narrow minded, set in their outdated ways, and lacking in empathy and humour. But I suppose that shows in everything they do, not just in their sniggering at a baby’s name.

Unobtainium · 08/05/2021 06:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Sparechange · 08/05/2021 06:49

Forty years ago no-one was calling their babies, George, Toby, Oliver etc

They absolutely were Confused

I was born in 1981
I had several Toby, Oliver and George’s in my year at school!

phoenixrosehere · 08/05/2021 07:10

My dad's name is Barry. He's in his 70's. He's still not forgiven his parents for lumbering him for his whole life with a totally naff name. I'm afraid that Brian is of a similar ilk. It's just a bit of a joke name. That may change in time but I doubt it and I wouldn't risk it to be honest.

Barry is nowhere near the same ilk as Brian.. Hmm

Could someone please explain how the name Brian is a joke name?

What’s the joke or reference that makes it so?

Lockeddownagain · 08/05/2021 07:13

What the hells wrong that Brian
It far better than call the Kais and foxes and Harrison and Jaxons stick to your guns hes called Brian not bloodly bobo

SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/05/2021 07:15

For people of a certain age it is linked with Monty Python Life of Brian.
Or the fact that everyone had an Uncle Brian or 2.
I had a work colleague who named his son after his Dad. We had work jokes about it.
I dont know what to suggest really.

BlackCatShadow · 08/05/2021 07:22

@Lockeddownagain

What the hells wrong that Brian It far better than call the Kais and foxes and Harrison and Jaxons stick to your guns hes called Brian not bloodly bobo
See, I get that Brian is a bit of a marmite name, but why come here and slag off other children’s names as if that will make things better. It’s all the same kind of snobbery.
OldWivesTale · 08/05/2021 07:25

Could someone please explain how Brian is a joke name?

It's not possible to explain how, it just is. It's up there with: Malcolm, Geoffrey, Barry, Alan...It's just a cultural thing. Any "comedy" characters will have these types of names. Like I said, this could change in time but why take the risk. Just use it as a middle name instead maybe.

sbhydrogen · 08/05/2021 07:28

It annoys me when people shorten my DD's name, so people calling baby Brian something like "Bobo" would annoy the heck out of me.

borntobequiet · 08/05/2021 07:31

Any "comedy" characters will have these types of names.

Neatly demonstrating the thoughtlessness, lack of imagination, reliance on stereotypes and paucity of humour of most comedians/comic writers.

Sparechange · 08/05/2021 07:31

Could someone please explain how the name Brian is a joke name?
What’s the joke or reference that makes it so?

I’m presuming you didn’t grow up in the UK if you’re not aware of the cultural references

In the same way that ‘Karen’ means moany insular, entitled middle aged woman now, ‘Brian’ has long been the short-hand way of portraying a character as dull, boring, not very worldly, probably working class and insular

As many people have referenced, in the Life of Brian, the joke was that someone called Brian was as far away from being the son of god as is possible
Brian the Dinosaur wouldn’t shut up about being from Rotherham, a not-very-nice northern town, in the Breakfast Club, Brian was the nerd who only wanted to study maths and physics, in Phoenix nights, Brian is the grey jumper wearing fool, who has never heard of garlic bread

I could go on... basically the name became shorthand for a middle aged boring man who will never amount to much.

Maybe a lot of these references won’t mean as much to future generations but you have to be completely culturally deaf or living under a rock to not acknowledge there are many many reasons why it’s not a neutral name - it has LOTS of baggage and connotations

phoenixrosehere · 08/05/2021 07:43

@Sparechange

It never occurred to me to even think of MP’s The Life of Brian. That’s before my time.. Definitely doesn’t change my opinion on the the name Brian. People are still being rude over it regardless..

Sparechange · 08/05/2021 07:50

[quote phoenixrosehere]@Sparechange

It never occurred to me to even think of MP’s The Life of Brian. That’s before my time.. Definitely doesn’t change my opinion on the the name Brian. People are still being rude over it regardless..[/quote]
It’s really not rude to point out a name has negative connotations and therefore will have high potential to be a source of ridicule to the child.

It’s so bizarre that it’s the one thing on MN we can’t openly criticise

It’s plain fact that some names are terrible, will lead to a child being bullied etc
But the response is ALWAYS ‘oh I knew someone with that name and they are a lovely person’ like that somehow overrides how awful it is!

I have NEVER seen Brian offered up as a suggestion on a baby names thread, which is amazing given all the people lining up on this thread to say they ‘love’ the name Confused

ImInStealthMode · 08/05/2021 07:56

@SimGuruRu One of the nicest & kindest men I know is called Brian, I like the name.

YANBU to ask people to call him by his name OP.

Oversize · 08/05/2021 08:02

Stick with it. It's stood the test of time and people will just get used to it.
FWIW I think it's a better choice than most of the random selection of syllables, misspellings and common nouns that are currently in fashion.

midgedude · 08/05/2021 08:03

Jack has been popular
Somehow Jack the Ripper isn't seen as negative
Obey the herd they will tell you what is acceptable and it seems Brian isn't for no real reason

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2021 08:21

I don’t instantly think Brian and life of Brian

But it is an old name

The only Brian I know was my neighbour and he died recently but was 90 ish

It’s not a silly name as such but you don’t seem to get baby Brian’s anymore

Or baby garys / my fiancé’s name and he’s 54

I do think when named after someone it’s nice to have as their middle name , or sometimes that child can feel that have a lot to live up to

No I wouldn’t call my child Brian tho also wouldn’t call gary or if a girl Sharon tracey and these were popular names 50yrs ago

But this is your choice of name

Imissmoominmama · 08/05/2021 08:30

I had a childhood friend named Brian (born in the 60s). He was the only one in our large school with the name and he really didn’t like it. We renamed him Brain, which he loved.

I wonder what he goes by these days... Grin

OldWivesTale · 08/05/2021 08:35

The OP asked for opinions and she's had honest replies. Nobody is criticising the baby, just the mother's choice of name. Yes, its her baby, her choice blah, blah - but the child has to live with it for the rest of its life. The name might fall back into fashion but I think it's highly unlikely. The fact that probably half the posters have made jokes about the name - Life of Brian etc tells you that this is how the name will be perceived in wider society.

SoupDragon · 08/05/2021 08:44

The OP asked for opinions

She did not ask for opinions about her baby's name.

The fact that probably half the posters have made jokes about the name - Life of Brian etc tells you that this is how the name will be perceived in wider society.

It tells me exactly what those people are like.

SoupDragon · 08/05/2021 08:47

It’s really not rude to point out a name has negative connotations and therefore will have high potential to be a source of ridicule to the child.

Pointing things out on a baby name thread where the OP is trying to choose a name is not rude.

However, it is unthinkably rude when the child is already here and named. The only time it wouldn't be rude is if she'd called her baby something like Wanker. Brian is a perfectly ordinary name.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/05/2021 08:57

@Sparechange

Could someone please explain how the name Brian is a joke name? What’s the joke or reference that makes it so?

I’m presuming you didn’t grow up in the UK if you’re not aware of the cultural references

In the same way that ‘Karen’ means moany insular, entitled middle aged woman now, ‘Brian’ has long been the short-hand way of portraying a character as dull, boring, not very worldly, probably working class and insular

As many people have referenced, in the Life of Brian, the joke was that someone called Brian was as far away from being the son of god as is possible
Brian the Dinosaur wouldn’t shut up about being from Rotherham, a not-very-nice northern town, in the Breakfast Club, Brian was the nerd who only wanted to study maths and physics, in Phoenix nights, Brian is the grey jumper wearing fool, who has never heard of garlic bread

I could go on... basically the name became shorthand for a middle aged boring man who will never amount to much.

Maybe a lot of these references won’t mean as much to future generations but you have to be completely culturally deaf or living under a rock to not acknowledge there are many many reasons why it’s not a neutral name - it has LOTS of baggage and connotations

But all these connotations will be for people in their thirties - fifties. For children being born now, they’ll be meaningless.

If you hate the name and feel obliged to point this out, despite the OP never once asking what we thought of the name, that’s your view and nothing more. Why try to pretend it’s going to be a licence to bully for other children, when the connotations simply won’t be there?