To think looking good is a lot of work

[ponderinginpoughkeepsie]

A year ago I had a revelation of sorts when I looked in a passing window and hated everything about my appearance. I looked scruffy, my hair was a frizzy, badly managed, too long mess, I was about four stone overweight and not carrying it off well. I decided to change and have since lost weight and tried to make myself a bit more presentable. I was also rejected by three job offers in a row and felt that maybe my appearance had something to do with it (although it shouldn't have, but I know how these things work!)
A year later and I'm much happier but I'm finding it a lot! Waking up two hours earlier to shower and work out, the new shower routine with exfoliating/ moisturiser and then picking clothes, ironing clothes!! I fall asleep at 8pm most nights as I'm exhausted (probably partly as a way to not snack as well).

Are there a few hacks I'm missing? I have to work out first thing as I just won't do it after work, nursery pick up etc. I'm 32 so I feel I really should have more energy.

Might be helpful to re-frame this as your time for you

So rather than it being 'I have to' switch to 'this is what I do for me, I enjoy these activities, this is the 2 hours in the day for me'

You have an active life, it's great that you dedicate time every day to looking after yourself

I’d do something gentler in the morning not HIIT, like some weights and light cardio or yoga and core etc and move HIIT to the evening. Then you don’t need a shower and hair washing first thing and can get more sleep which is also important to be healthy.

Yes, it takes up a lot of my time. The losing weight part can be time consuming; planning/logging food and daily exercise. I run 5-6 times a week and get up at 5 to do it. I’m not so focussed on clothes etc as I work from home (always have, so not due to covid). However, since losing weight i‘’be become more interested in my appearance so do spend more time on what I wear and hair/makeup than before.

I wouldn’t say I look particularly great, but certainly better than I did!

Choose what is important to you.
But it's definitely the case for me that if I feel I am making the most of myself I feel much more content and confident, so identify the level at which you get that feel good result.
You could go on forever, and spend fortunes, so its not all or nothing.

I never iron clothes, exfoliate or work out before work (though i did run in am before kid but only 2-3times per week). I wear outfits that don't need ironed or i do it the night before. I shower in am though and do hair. I exercise alot but after work - i work full time.

I read your post as that you iron your clothes every morning, is this the case? That sounds time consuming. I have one ironing session a week and that certainly saves time…not lugging the board and not waiting for it to wake up.

When you shower every morning, do you wash your hair too? My hairdresser has been begging me for years to stop washing my hair everyday! I always thought it would look horrible if I didn’t. I took the opportunity lockdown to try washing it every other day…saves me 30 mins of hair drying and my hair actually looks better! 😍

Yes, I think it does take a lot of work unfortunately!

I exercise (gym) 4-5 times a week, watch what I eat (16:8 and calorie count), spend a lot of time on my hair and iron everything - I hate creased clothes even when just WFH!

However this all makes me feel good about myself so I think it's worth it. I'd rather put the effort in and force myself to the gym on a cold dark morning and go to bed hungry rather than have those biscuits in the evening but that's just me!

I don't think there are many people who look good without having to try changing any aspects of their life.

I just wouldn't exercise in the evenings. Finish at 5, pick up both sets of children, get home, make tea, homework, dp home at 6.30, eat tea, bedtime stories, bath sometimes, it just wouldn't happen.

I think exercise helps me with weightloss just through giving me another way of rewarding myself which isn't food. I've always been an early riser but usually I would just eat biscuits and look at my phone. Sometimes I would have consumed 600 calories before even leaving the house.
Now, if I have a spare moment to myself I'll dance or do some aerobics rather than something sedentary. I think it helps me to make the link between food and how best to fuel my body. It can't help me to achieve what I want to achieve on just carbs and sugar.

Obviously there will always be slim people who do no exercise and eat what they want but feeling that this is unfair won't help me to lose weight. That was a eureka moment.

No I don't iron every morning, but sometimes I do. I have nowhere to store ironed clothes so that doesn't help.

You're doing great but maybe a bit more organisation up front. Maybe spend an hour on Sunday picking your outfits for the week and iron anything then. Exfoliate just a couple of times of week. Some good multivitamins and maybe extra vitamin D to help with the tiredness.
I also started using www.beautyandtheboutique.tv/
for a quick make up routine, there's some great tips on there and the veil concealer is fab.
Good luck, we all know it's not easy but you are really doing well.

Really glad you put this up as I've been feeling the same! Decided to start looking after me and it takes so much time and effort. Haven't found a hack yet. I do stuff in the evening instead of morning though.

@ponderinginpoughkeepsie

No I don't iron every morning, but sometimes I do. I have nowhere to store ironed clothes so that doesn't help.

What about those over the door hooks on the back of your bedroom door?

Sleep is one of the most important factors in looking good - prioritise it.

Over-exfoliation makes your skin worse. You should do it once a week at most and be careful using acids/retinols that you should be sparing with at 32 as they cause inflammation which will age you long term.

Take a multivitamin and iron supplement - they make them for hair skin and nails for an added boost even if it's not a miracle and I find it does keep your nails looking strong.

Swap out some of your hiit for weights - too much hiit is really damaging to the body, if you're able to do it 7 times a week then your sessions aren't intense enough for it to work the way it's supposed to. Muscles retain water to heal which increases your weight - you will find you drop weight after rest days. The only way to permanently increase your metabolism (so you can eventually exercise less) and get that firm look is to do weights. 2 weights sessions and 2 hiit sessions a week plus zumba would be a more effective schedule. I know you said exercise in the evening wouldn't be possible, but if you could try it even occasionally you'll find you don't drop off asleep as early as it energises you.

Look at your diet - try to swap foods for anti-inflammatory ones such as red meat for fish, white carbs for vegetables, desserts for fruit, stick to red wine only for alcohol. Nothing makes me look crap like too much booze.

Use olaplex treatment on your hair and avoid using too many protein-containing shampoos, conditioner etc which make it dry, frizzy and brittle long term.

Hang clothes up in the bathroom while you shower so some of the creases drop out.

Congrats on the weight loss!

I think cutting down the number of hit sessions a week might help - 7 is a lot. Perhaps skip that on the days you do Zumba?

Don't exfoliate everyday.

Only iron what really needs ironing - do it in one sitting rather than in the morning perhaps?

I think looking REALLY good takes a lot of work, but for exactly that reason I settle for looking presentable most of the time! I've never been one of those women who gets up to shower and blow dry at 5am then spend an hour applying makeup. No thanks. I feel better using that time to sleep.

Nobody apart from my partner needs to think I look good, and he does, so we're fine.

Yes it's hard work but there are a few things you can do to make your life easier in the week, this is what I do:
I have my bath/shower at night, you'll be amazed how much time it saves you in the morning.
I iron ALL clothes for the week ahead on a Sunday, yes it's tiresome but you can get up grab your clothes and go ( I've had a bath night before) so no messing or faffing about.
Don't exfoliate everyday, your skin doesn't need it, I'd say there times a week max and do it in the bath or shower to save even more time.

Three times a week I meant to type!

@ponderinginpoughkeepsie

I always find these threads interesting as if someone overweight posts 'I can't lose weight' the narrative is very much 'we slim people all make time and sacrifices' Yet when someone posts something like this (still with a BMI of above 30) lots of people say 'well we never exercise and still look great.' I am still a size 14 I don't think anyone could say that I'm going too far!

You've hit the nail on the head! Mumsnet is a maze of contradictions.

and be careful using acids/retinols that you should be sparing with at 32 as they cause inflammation which will age you long term.

Source for this? Retinol has not been proven to 'age in the long term'...

I think it's all about balance. Surely you don't need to work out an hour every single day? You'll be perfectly healthy doing 2-3 hours a week.

You can probably look perfectly presentable after a 10 minute shower and 15 minute hair and make up routine. I don't think it has to be all or nothing.

Iron? Perfectly possible to have a varied wardrobe of work clothes that don't need ironing!
Also very time saving to have a limited work wardrobe and save time thinking about what you're going to wear! A few years ago I had a job with a longish commute - two identical suits and about 10 identical smart t-shirts/tops - never had to give what to wear a second thought.

I only have myself to organise and take care of (well, and feeding the cat), but up, getting ready for work, tea and either eating breakfast or making a roll to eat when I arrive takes about 30 minutes.

I set out all my clothes the night before, right down to underwear. I make sure all my most used makeup is kept in one place and I’ve pared the make up for normal days down to just bb cream, blusher, powder and mascara. No lippy as wearing a mask.

@ponderinginpoughkeepsie sorry I was only trying to be helpful. All the best

You iron! What’s that?

It’s hard work for you as your not there yet. I’m slim so I don’t need to work out every day, 3 times a week is enough. My hair is in good condition so I only need to wash it twice a week. My skin is in good condition so I only need to faff with it once a week. Once you get to a point your just maintaining and not improving and that takes less time if you get what I mean.