To wonder why I got kicked out of the group chat?

[Putoutshutout]

So I’ve been friends with these two women for about 12 years, our kids are similar ages and we get on quite well. Play dates, sleepovers spend birthdays together.

Anyway my friend recently got out of a really shitty relationship, I was so relieved. She met a guy, he seemed nice enough but I told her to tread very carefully because she tends to go head on, she claimed she wanted something very casual. They met two months ago and have already made it official. Then it turned out he lied about his age and name. I told her that was a massive red flag and she should run. Recently she asked in our group chat when she should introduce him to her kids, two young girls. I told her in my opinion this shouldn’t be an option. Admittedly I do feel very strongly about this, everyone has their limits but she asked for my opinion. Our other friend said when it feels right, I left it didn’t say anymore. Earlier today she sent us a picture of them all out for food, I didn’t reply because I honestly didn’t have anything to say. It’s not that I “disapprove” but I gave my opinion. Our other friend said before she kicked me out that I’m not being supportive. Before I could even reply I was removed! I feel really sad, I would say we are so close and it’s a strange situation to be in. What do I do message my friends separately?

Ages, should mean names, ffs.

The age thing I coul perhaps look past but who the hell gives a fake name? Even without any red flags 2 months is very early days to be meeting young kids. Sounds like she wants someone who will just 'support her' by agreeing and you didn't provide that.

Thanks @user1471457751.

And anyway, the reason she was thrown out was because she wasn't being effusive enough in her praise of the friend's crap life choices. They threw her out for saying nothing. The furthest thing in the world from clobbering someone with their opinion.

@Pomplemousses yes, you've got some good points. I don't think it's OP's responsibility to protect the kids, but it sounded like she was coming from a place of concern and that she DID want to look out for her friend and the kids which is the only reason I suggested it.

Personally, I wouldn't be involved with this man but would have taken a different approach to OP had it been my friend.

I think it's ridiculous they kicked her out of the group chat, but unfortunately it means OP can not now do what she had intended - which, let's face it, WAS about protecting her friend and kids. Her approach didn't work, I'm not sure how what anyone hopes to achieve by advocating the same approach and hoping for a different outcome... it strengthens my view that a lot of people (me included a lot of the time) are not good at really, really listening

@Pomplemousses

Clobbered the thread with your opinion with the added extra of emotional blackmail towards the op; you should tiptoe round this woman so you can be around to protect her and her children?

Honestly, have a word with yourself if you aren't too busy being sanctimonious. Ick.

This always happens on here. An op asks for advice, gets support and then someone performs moral gymnastics to make it the op's fault. What do people get out of doing this? I will never understand.

I agree with you. A good friend should understand when their friend is raising concerns. I wouldn't bother with the duo after being kicked out of the group. Shows they don't see you as their friend

And btw I 100% do not see the situation as the OP's fault. The friend is making some big mistakes which she will need to own... I'm talking solely about how the OP could have better achieved what she seemed to want to achieve...

Op might have been better taking a much more circumspect approach, but after years of close friendship with someone she thought knew her very well, so would hear her opinion (having been asked for it) and consider it rather than just instantly react on her emotional knee jerk, she probably didn't imagine she couldn't speak plainly. So, you have a point hobby but only with hindsight.
Personally if I got in touch at all it would be to explain I was sorry if she felt unsupported but I was offering an external perspective as asked to from a place of care, but that to have years of friendship binned off for that, without even a conversation being had to clear the air, means I see that the friendship doesn't mean as much to her so all the best.

@RealisticSketch you are spot on. I can see now that in the context of a 12yr friendship the friend should've taken it better. Your suggested way forward sounds like the right idea.

Maybe its not what your saying OP its the way your saying it?

I think you were being a good friend by expressing these concerns.
Sadly they don't see it this way. So sorry