To not want MIL’s help moving house!

[Thisisanartattack]

DH and I are about to buy our first property together. We have booked removals for the day and it should be straightforward as we have no DCs around.

Yesterday MIL announced she was really looking forward to helping us out with the move and has been making plans to travel down to us, etc. This has annoyed me immensely as I was looking forward to pottering about in my own home and unpacking my way. I’ve taken time off work to clean, decorate and organise which I really enjoy doing.

I really don’t want someone else butting in, however I am quite an independent person and have always moved myself hence I’m not sure if IABU here. DH can’t see the problem however he has little interest in interiors!

I would thank her enormously for her kind offer but assure her that it's all on hand.

I would not be so polite if she keeps insisting.

I would go mad. However my DH knows never to let this happen! It's your first home together, you want your first day and night in your new home together. Rude of anyone to try and encroach on your first day, would probably want to stay, too, if it's a long journey.

Just tell her or get DH to tell her you want to do it yourself and will let her know when she can visit.

I would thank her enormously for her kind offer but assure her that it's all on hand

Exactly. It's really not remotely hard. But people would rather spend the next week fuming than call her back and say "thanks, that's so kind of you to offer, but it's all under control. We'd love to have you visit as soon as we're all sorted though" and then relax.

My MIL did this too, just kept turning up after we moved in and ‘helping’ aka rearranging things. I think she struggled with the loss of control with her son flying the nest and wanted to somehow assert some control over our home instead. She also used to bring her random friends round unannounced for a tour of my our new house and offer them tea and biscuits. It was a very strange and frustrating time, I should have been much more assertive.

I remember a thread about a mad MIL who kept inviting friends round for a tour of her DIL's house without asking the house owners. Sounded very bizarre and I wondered what the friends thought, but maybe they were equally odd. Some people definitely don't have enough going on in their own lives and want to intrude in other peoples.

This kind of thing just shows how different everyone’s families are.
I would not expect my parents/pils to ‘tell’ us they will be helping us move - it would just be expected that they would be. Because that’s what families do, help each other. Even when you’re an adult.
But clearly that’s not true for lots of people!

@Smartiepants79

This kind of thing just shows how different everyone’s families are. I would not expect my parents/pils to ‘tell’ us they will be helping us move - it would just be expected that they would be. Because that’s what families do, help each other. Even when you’re an adult. But clearly that’s not true for lots of people!

Actually I think this is a good point. @Thisisanartattack are your own parents going to be involved at all? I can see if it’s not the norm in your own family of origin it might initially feel a bit overwhelming.