Naming daughter after mum & sister but not MIL.

[merlanguis]

My husband has always hoped that we would give any future daughters the middle name Maria as both my mother and mother in law share it as a middle name. The truth is that I don't really like the name that much.

My husband chose our sons name. There was only one name that he would consider (which included his own name as a middle name) and I didn't mind but I didn't love it but knew how important it was to him. I probably would have chosen a combination of my grandfather and his dads names, a lovely vintage combination. Anyway, I agreed to go with what he wanted on the condition that I got the deciding vote on our next child.

We're expecting a girl. We have a couple of front runners for first names but not discussed middle names yet. My husband is not particularly fussed this time round. I really like the combination of my mum and sister's names (Anna Elizabeth) for middle names.

I haven't floated this to him yet. What do you reckon? Do you think it's a bit much choosing two names from my family? Do you think I'm going to put noses out of joint?

I loved my MIL to bits and couldn't have hurt her like that.

I'm not big on multiple middle names but in your situation, I'd have gone for Anna Elizabeth Maria.

I love both Anna and Elizabeth btw x

Do you think I'm going to put noses out of joint?

Why would you even care? This is your baby, you get to name her. Having said that, I agree with pp about giving her her own name, not both names from the family.

In our family we choose family names as middle names, not because we like them, but because of the connection with our family. Me and my siblings have our grandparents forenames as mid-delete names, all our children (10 of them) have their grandparents forenames as middle names.
My grandchildren have my father’s middle name and my other daughter’s middle name - which is my paternal grandmother’s first name - as their middle names. We all know who we are named after and why they are special. It’s good to have that connection.

I would go for your choice . He had his.

My Ds name was chosen by DH and his middle name too - Mainly as his own DF had just died.
I didnt want my Dp names in my Dc name
.the compromise for Our DD was, my maiden name as her first name- which she has . He chose her middle name though

Anna Elizabeth is a lovely combo. You could always go Anna Elizabeth Maria

Marianna is a good compromise if you like the name but it's your turn to choose so you don't have to compromise at all. We didn't go for middle names but if we had I would have definitely used my mum's name, not my mils and my Gil's rather than my Dad's..... ( nothing personal I just much prefer those names)

*Fils

@saraclara

Why not give your child a name of her own?

My name and two middle names are, in turn, my GGM's, my GM's and my DM's. Even as a child I wished I had a name that was mine. And at 65 I still do. I vaguely resent that I wasn't seen as my own person when I was born.

We are choosing names for dd- will be GGM and GM names as first and second and I said to dh "she needs a third name so she has one just of her own" - he thought I'd lost my mind so I'm pleased I am not the only one that thinks this way.

If you're having two middle names anyway why not just have 3 and stick Maria in there too? There'll never be enough space for it on forms so it won't make any real difference.

My DD has my Late Mum and my MIL's middle names, but we did use a shorter version of MIL's as did not like the whole name.

She was not going to have any middle names, but when my Mum died I really wanted her to have a connection with my Mum as she was only 2 when she died and my Dad offered to pay for the name change and he agreed for the MIL's to be added as the second middle name, it was my choice what names were used.

You had an agreement with your DH so it should not be up for debate, and you should choose the name.

Congratulations.

I understand that it’s the OP’s turn to name the new baby but there’s something quite off about the husband not being bothered this time round when it comes to deciding on names. Is it because it’s not another boy?

I used my brothers name and DH middle name as middle name for DS1 and both paternal grandfather names as middle names for Ds2.

If I had another boy I’d use DH’s brothers name as middle name, if I had a girl, I’d give them both grandmothers names as middle names. Might as well follow the pattern, but I like both maternal names so it’s easy for me.

I’m also not fussed how many names they have, my brothers had 3 middle names so I’d be happy to put in 3.

Does your MIL have a middle name you’d consider?

I personally think honour names should go in the middle, with the first name being a name she doesn't have to share with anyone else. Your DD will have the same name as one of her grandmothers or a aunt. Doesn't seem fair to her.

In m extended family there were five males with the same first names: my grandfather, my uncle, my uncle by marriage (this one was a coincidence), and then each of their sons (my cousins). It was an absolute nightmare at family gatherings.

If you really want a specific name, then yes you should choose it. I often think that men who agree to deals like this are counting on their wife caving and being too soft to insist on adherence to the agreement when the time comes. So on principle I wouldn't consult him in your position.
Your mil isn't owed a child bring named after her - you aren't ruling it out to be mean, you are ruling it out because you don't like the name, which is fair enough
If your DH was that bothered he wouldn't have made such a stupid agreement in the first place. If mil kicks off, refer her back to DH because this is his doing!

Probably not a popular opinion but I think seeing as you're doing all the work, the final decision should be yours sod whatever he wants.

@Anne1958

I understand that it’s the OP’s turn to name the new baby but there’s something quite off about the husband not being bothered this time round when it comes to deciding on names. Is it because it’s not another boy?

Agreed it isn't great that he doesn't care what this one is called.

One family name as a middle name is ok but every name for each child after someone is rather unimaginative and repetitive.
Give her her own name.

Either Marianna Elizabeth or Anna Elizabeth Maria.

Otherwise it's a blatant snub. You can choose whatever name you want if the family thing wasn't so obvious but it's setting up an unnecessary problem.

For what it's worth, Marianna is a great way to nod to both sides, but giving her own spin on it. You can still control if you want by shortening to Anna.

It's a middle name that will never really be used, no one will ever hear about it apart from at the birth announcement. I honestly don't know why you would risk upsetting your in-laws. Also in my opinion it's a really pretty name and not the sort of name which will embarrass your future daughter later in life.

I was given two family names. There’s something really unsettling about seeing a gravestone with your exact name on it. I’ve never used my (now extremely fashionable) first name and have gone by my middle name all my life.

@Anne1958

I understand that it’s the OP’s turn to name the new baby but there’s something quite off about the husband not being bothered this time round when it comes to deciding on names. Is it because it’s not another boy?

I imagine it's because he agreed to let the OP choose.

Marianna is a clever compromise I think of you want to avoid any hint of a deliberate snub.

@Mydogisagentleman

I hate family names. I say that as a woman who was named after my dad, grandad, great grandad, great great grandad.....

Oh lord that's harsh!

(It's not Colin is it?)

It's a middle name that will never really be used, no one will ever hear about it apart from at the birth announcement. I honestly don't know why you would risk upsetting your in-laws. Also in my opinion it's a really pretty name and not the sort of name which will embarrass your future daughter later in life

OP, was he worried about upsetting the in-laws when naming the first child? We’re his family concerned about it?

My DH and I decided if it was a boy then he would get DH's middle name as a middle name , if it was a girl they'd get my middle name as a middle name, I have loved to have picked a certain name as a first name to drive my MIL insane (that's after her trying to create a name drama).

If he's chosen your boys then only fair you choose the girls .

I would pick the names I liked, regardless of who they were named after, or indeed if not named after anyone at all which I'm not a fan of.
DH has a family name which goes back five generations. Neither of our sons has it.