Lockdown has been good for my mental health

[PicnicBunny]

Has anyone else found that lockdown has HELPED their mental health? I have so enjoyed not having other people’s kids round my house all the time. I have two boys of my own, and we’ve really enjoyed going for long walks and having family structure again. I really don’t want it to go back to how it was. How it was was a chaos of people dropping off their kids round mine because their DS is missing us, wants to play with my DS, they were ‘just nearby’ etc etc. I became a reluctant/ very drained babysitter and couldn’t say no. If I said No to a Friday then they were coming round on a Sunday! How do I navigate this without totally breaking up with people? I would like NO kids round mine. And to GO OUT myself.
(And also, when did I turn into such a doormat!) I never realised how bad it was and how tired I was until lockdown! Now I’m stressed a little with family and friends who are aching to get back to ‘playing’ round mine again!

‘No sorry that doesn’t work for us’.

Oh god

Just say no you can’t randomly babysit because of COVID etc

I don't think lockdown is really the main factor here. It is more that you're a doormat. Learn to say no. Even if that makes you feel cringe and embarrassed for a few moments so be it. Rather that than you having an afternoon of random kids and having to do it again next weekend or whatever. Just learn to say "I'm not going to be able to have James over this weekend." You don't need to create an excuse. People will absolutely take advantage so start now as you mean to continue.

If you still do want to meet up with them then I find a good way is to say ‘no, not this week but how about meeting at the park on Friday afternoon for an hour’

They have honed in on you as the emergency baby sitter your son can have friends without them bring dumped on you every other day, learn to say no we are busy no that doesn't suit us and stick to it.

This is hard. It's not like in "ye oldene days" when kids just popped in and out of each other's houses. And nearly all adults on the street kept an eye out. Today if kids are at yours, esp primary school kids you are solely responsible for their safety. It can be really draining.

Definitely say No. Or if they are slightly 0lder kids like Y5 or Y6, they can meet in the neighbourhood park.

VladimirsPoutine, you are right. I am actually a little scared I will go back to that version of me. It’s already started to happen. Brother popped round other day to drop off something (breaking lockdown rules, brought his son round who can play in the garden!) say for two hours in the. garden because it was slightly sunny. Boys played badminton. Yes my son enjoys it, my youngest loved the company. Guess that’s why I give in. Aghhh! Me... I would have said no. Should have said no! I haven’t broken any rules to go visit anyone!

He called after he was on his way! So I was taken aback.

I’m ashamed of my reaction! A sort of... oh.... err... ok. I knew it wasn’t going to be 5 minutes! And I never do that to people!

I am becoming a doormat again. I can feel it!

How do your children feel?
Because in my school we are far more concerned about the mental health of the kids who DON'T want things to go back to normal.

Lots of people are saying similar. Yanbu to have enjoyed the rest.

But. And this is a massive but. It did nothing for you actually except the rest. It did not teach you how to say no. Which btw is something people absolutely can say. No one will die if you say "no sorry. It doesn't work for us now. We will arrange something soon"

Saying no is very powerful once you start it will get easier. Initially people might think picnic Is being funny with me but you can control your.own lives by saying no not today but...

I think the isolation aspects of lockdown have been pretty negative for me.

I think the slowing down aspects of lockdown have been positive for me in some ways - I realise I was over-busy.

I turned something down last night because I wanted not to be tried 'today, I think whilst I don;t want to be lockdown quiet I don;t want to go back to pre-lockdown busy. I think OP you need to prep and practice how you are going to say no.

Smaller pretty one every time

I see this, you’re right that it did not teach me to say no.

Mmm my kids, how they feel? They’ve always enjoyed family and friends round, that’s why I’ve been saying yes. ( I am a huge introvert! My kids extroverts) I would if I could sit and read, paint, get on with cooking and doing things with my kids. I play with them too. Badminton in garden, like I say long walks, monopoly, hide and seek... I am fun!
I have my own business too, so enjoy doing website when I can, taking food photos for restaurant and doing things at my own time.
But, my kids hardly went round to anyone else’s anyway. Other people preferred to have their kids round mine as this is ‘the fun house’. We also live in a nice area, so people like me taking their kids out.

Errghhh ! I got into a situation in lockdown where it felt like bliss! Even thought of taking my easel into a field and painting while kids play along the river. (It’s safe!)

It’s a totally different lifestyle to what I’ve been living like since I had kids. More like how I imagined life would be like with kids!

My kids are wonderful and happy. They make friends easily, do miss their friends and have school friends who do knock for them and live close by. One lives house behind, my eldest has a bunch of good friends that always hang about together since they were small. He sees them at school now, and they sometimes meet up at the park at weekends.

But, the family and my friends using me as a babysitter now feels so artificial! Something I have been putting up with. My eldest is 14 and youngest 5. My two boys play with each other too. Rarely on the PS. We really are mostly out, or when we watch somethings, it’s together.

I don’t mind cutting out my friends and family altogether ... but... mmmm ... is it harsh?

I don’t mind cutting out my friends and family altogether ... but... mmmm ... is it harsh?

Why would you need to cut them out altogether? Just put some boundaries in place.
‘Sorry it’s not convenient to come to mine. Fancy meeting at the park next Saturday?’.

Went swimming with boys last two sundays and now friend has suggested I could take her son!
(I just want to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!)

You really need to be able to say no! Just “no that doesn’t work for me”. Or “if your Ds is missing mine, he can come over to yours on x day”.

The number of people who liked lockdown because it gave them a way to say no is staggering. People actually want the whole world locked up because they can’t assert themselves!

I've loved the isolation of lockdown - I could literally go a week without talking to anybody which has been absolutely amazing. I'm dreading having to go out again. Work especially, I can do it better from home, but socializing too.

I just want to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

So you just say no!

Or “no, but I’m sure my son would be delighted to come along with you”

Cutting out... because I feel like I get talked into it! They will find a way round it. And sometimes I really enjoy the no planning let’s just get our coats on and go for a kick about boys! Rather than ‘I said 5pm to ’ so we will meet at 5. It takes up my whole day stressing about 5pm. That’s been really great.

I don’t mind cutting out my friends and family altogether ... but... mmmm ... is it harsh?

There is a hella lot of space between being a doormat and cutting everyone out👀

Oh u say covid has caused some changes to our usual timetable

Then say what does work

Never apologise
Never explain

Esp to people who are using you for the demanding job of childcare

Say to friend that sounds fab what time will we meet you both ?

I think it's a bit selfish when we say we like lockdown and don't want to go back to normal. There are people who have spent too much time alone which isn't fair.
You don't have to go back to normal. You are an adult and your normal is your choice. Stop letting people walk all over you.