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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lockdown has been good for my mental health

39 replies

PicnicBunny · 06/05/2021 13:32

Has anyone else found that lockdown has HELPED their mental health? I have so enjoyed not having other people’s kids round my house all the time. I have two boys of my own, and we’ve really enjoyed going for long walks and having family structure again. I really don’t want it to go back to how it was. How it was was a chaos of people dropping off their kids round mine because their DS is missing us, wants to play with my DS, they were ‘just nearby’ etc etc. I became a reluctant/ very drained babysitter and couldn’t say no. If I said No to a Friday then they were coming round on a Sunday! How do I navigate this without totally breaking up with people? I would like NO kids round mine. And to GO OUT myself.
(And also, when did I turn into such a doormat!) I never realised how bad it was and how tired I was until lockdown! Now I’m stressed a little with family and friends who are aching to get back to ‘playing’ round mine again!

OP posts:
Original poster
PicnicBunny · 06/05/2021 14:25

Gertrude, yes ! Thank you! Why should the world lock down because I can’t say no! You’re right! I have to put my foot down and say no. Not another day (!!! Because I don’t want to) not even another bank holiday, NO! (Do I need to explain? Hahahha)

OP posts:
BonnieDundee · 06/05/2021 14:25

Learn ways to say no to people. Don't expect the rest of us to stay locked down to accommodate the fact that you can't say no. I sympathise but find a way

Cam2020 · 06/05/2021 14:25

No, I cant wait for this to be over and to be able to see people and take my daughter on days out without fetting soaked.

Original poster
PicnicBunny · 06/05/2021 14:30

Yes, it’s not lockdown that I liked. To be honest I really missed going cinema with my eldest and going out to eat as a family. It’s the people who stopped coming round. Maybe I have to be even more honest with myself and absolutely put my foot down. My entire lifestyle changed. But I would have loved more trips into city and boys visiting places and going out and seeing and doing more.

I’m a grown ass woman too and can say no to everyone except the damn kids being dropped off! Because I’m not sure if that’s what it’s supposed to be like? Boys having cousins and friends sons round all the time?

For me, I’d have said no. I’m overthinking it for them. Maybe they’ll be okay to see cousins less, if it means a more relaxed and chilled out parent!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/05/2021 14:30

I must have a resting bitch face as no one every asks me!

Bach3lorBoi · 06/05/2021 14:32

I'm exactly like you!! I'm determined to come out of lockdown a bolder person than I went in. I find it so hard to say no to anyone. I end up totally inconveniencing myself and my kids to fit around other people's wishes. And then I just stew inwardly about it. It's not healthy.

For the swimming thing, could you use a line like "oh I'm so sorry, I don't feel comfortable being responsible for another child around water - 2 is plenty!". Light but says no.

Or say "I feel like I rarely see the kids now they're back in school, so we're going to do this a family, sorry not to be able to take others :)".

I think that what people like you and me think would be rude to say, it's actually quite normal to most people. So if we say no, politely, it probably won't even register.

I get so stressed about saying things like "great! But only for 5 minutes, as I've got a busy afternoon planned" - so I end up letting people drop round for hours (well, before the luxury of lockdown...).

This is the time for people like us to regain or control! I'm determined not to be a doormat anymore! Even if it does mean feeling like I'm being rude for the first little while....

Original poster
PicnicBunny · 06/05/2021 14:32

Thank you everyone! Your comments are welcome!

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/05/2021 14:33

I used to practice 2x no, 1x yes and repeat at work to requests.

Tomcullenisahero · 06/05/2021 14:35

I used to have a 'friend' like this. Used to pop in then remember something important/urgent and could I look after her kids for 5 minutes. Or she used to call round all the time, one day I had five visits from her (wtf) always little reasons to stop by. I always put up with it until I didn't then she moved on to someone else.
Ive learnt to be quite firm with people now and stand my ground and unfortunately am guarded with new people as I don't want this to start again.
Be firm, even if you have to tell little white lies like , no sorry I can't take your kids swimming as I'm going to xyz after. Maybe another time.' or tell them that your just on your way out when they come knocking.

Original poster
PicnicBunny · 06/05/2021 14:41

Bach3lorBoi Thank you for understanding. I find it so rude to say no! Or lie that I’m busy doing something else. And I never drop my kids off! I find that rude because I’m already thinking the people who do that to me are rude, so it’s a catch 22 of being extra polite incase I let slip that they are so fucking rude to inconvenience me !

Anyway. I’ve started showing my brother and friends the art I’m doing and new projects I’m working on. Selfish I know that I should share my life with them to give them an idea that I have a life. My friend has kind of understood.../ I have also booked a few things to do in London and told them so they get the idea I might not be at home. Or at home but, I have a life! I want to come out of this all bolder and more me! In the politest way possible of course. Maybe they should suggest they take my kids round theirs... I was waiting. But not a peep!

Again, I am trying to navigate this so carefully so that kids can see each other sometimes without it actually destroying my creative zone, and general mental health.

OP posts:
Maxiedog123 · 06/05/2021 14:47

Surely the 14 year old is at the age he wants to hang around with kids he has chosen as friends not your friends children.

Original poster
PicnicBunny · 06/05/2021 14:59

The 14 year old and my friend’s son are friends since they were very young. But, they go different schools now. The friend likes to bring him round as he doesn’t have many friends. My son is okay, easy enough to hang around with him and this also stresses me out as the other boy is a massive PS gamer. So it’s all in the house and playing games (we only have one tv in living room). But yes, my son does prefer his own friends from school as they like to go out! They did used to come in and play sometimes but not too often.

OP posts:
Angelica789 · 06/05/2021 15:08

My technique for this (which is admittedly for wimps) is, when you’re asked something like the swimming example, look a bit confused, say you need to talk to your husband because you’re not sure what his plans are yet/check you definitely won’t be working that day/anything. Just stall things. Then you can say no by text message later. Much easier.

picturesandpickles · 07/05/2021 08:00

@Angelica789

My technique for this (which is admittedly for wimps) is, when you’re asked something like the swimming example, look a bit confused, say you need to talk to your husband because you’re not sure what his plans are yet/check you definitely won’t be working that day/anything. Just stall things. Then you can say no by text message later. Much easier.
This is a good strategy, being direct is quite hard work, I often deploy strategic flakiness myself.
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