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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this stingy?

69 replies

Aibooo · 06/05/2021 12:09

A and B go on a trip together, A drives and B pays half for petrol. B also buys snacks/ drinks on the drive and doesn’t ask for money back as wants to thank A. A has a minor accident on way back and part of the car is slightly damaged, B offers to pay half in the heat of the moment and A has now asked for half. It isn’t expensive but also it isn’t B’s fault... (The cost of snacks and drinks and supplies B has bought for A probably add up to cost of B’s half of car part). Is anyone BU or not?

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 06/05/2021 12:31

Had a similar thing with my sister, we went for a night out once and she got a ticket for where she parked She was fuming so I suggested we all paid £20 each (between 4 of us) one of the people refused so they fell out, now looking back I don’t think I should have offered but she was really upset, so b offered so can’t be annoyed, shouldn’t have offered then

FrankieFox · 06/05/2021 12:42

Everyone likes to sound generous but you have to be prepared for someone to take you up on your offer. If it’s not more than the cost of snacks just pay it and move on.

drpet49 · 06/05/2021 12:43

B shouldn’t have offered to pay.

Completely A responsibility

motherloaded · 06/05/2021 12:47

B offered, which was nice but completely unnecessary.
So you can't really blame A for following up.

Sharing the cost of petrol and offering the snacks is completely irrelevant, it's quite a fair gesture.

Mmn654123 · 06/05/2021 12:47

If it was only the cost of a wing mirror and I valued the friendship I’d pay half - it isn’t a vast sum. Equally if it was just the glass broken and it doesn’t need full replacement I would pay half of a stick on glass cover rather than replacing it. They cost barely anything.

lubeybooby · 06/05/2021 12:51

I think now B has offered they should pay half and just be more careful not to be so over generous in future

Mmn654123 · 06/05/2021 12:51

Although you said ‘think wing mirror’ so probably not relevant at all!!

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2021 12:53

I think this is down to b offered so should keep that commitment.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/05/2021 12:53

B is daft to have offered!

Nicolastuffedone · 06/05/2021 13:00

Well, B’s an eejit and should’ve kept her gob shut...

Derbee · 06/05/2021 13:06

B is an idiot for offering. A is an idiot for accepting

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 13:10

B was stupid to offer. B shouldn't pay and drop CFer friend.

Maray1967 · 06/05/2021 13:10

B was being generous for offering, A should not have accepted. No way would I expect or allow someone to chip in if I damaged my own wing mirror but I’ll admit I would think well of them if they offered and I suppose they would think well of me for refusing their kind offer and both would be happy and the friendship would be fine.

Maray1967 · 06/05/2021 13:16

This happened to me. I bought school trousers for DS1 from uniform shop not usual brand. Right length and adjustable waist. Cut tags off and washed them. Later on he tried them on - far too big round backside, he looked ridiculous. I offered them to SIL for nephew - less skinny than my DS. SIL went to get her purse to give me something towards them. I wouldn’t let her - my mistake, I would have just given them to another parent. But I appreciated her offer and I think she appreciated me saying no.

Voomster953 · 06/05/2021 13:16

B was a complete moron for offering to pay half. Unless B caused it by being a distracting passenger, they wouldn’t have to pay. B stupidly offered and now A is cashing in. understandably

peboh · 06/05/2021 13:19

If I was b, I wouldn't have offered anyway but if I had I wouldn't rescind the offer because I'd feel awful if I did. Though a shouldn't expect b to pay anyway, and should have never accepted the offer to start with.

idontlikealdi · 06/05/2021 13:23

B shouldn't pay, nor have offered.

memberofthewedding · 06/05/2021 13:25

Something similar happened to me. Some friends had borrowed a car and asked if I wanted to go to the local Ikea. I did not ask them to drive me there. They were going anyway. However I was prepared to pay say one third of the cost of petrol as there were 3 of us. On the way we broke down and I was the only one who (for some reason) had a credit card handy to pay for the tow/garage. So I ended up quite a bit down.

My friend earned quite a bit more than me at the time - he was an academic and I a postgrad student. I had to remind him continually that I was owed the money. In the end I nagged his wife that I needed it for food as she was a softer touch. He seemed to feel annoyed that I wanted my money back! I had not asked to go on the trip so why should I pay for the breakdown?

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/05/2021 13:36

Did B do anything to cause or contribute to the minor accident? As in get in a heated argument with A? Or refuse to take a turn driving so A was driving tired/sleepy? Or go to sleep instead of chatting to A to keep them alert?

ChateauMargaux · 06/05/2021 13:43

B was kind to offer to pay and if it really is the cost of a few snacks and drinks and A seems grateful, then I think B should pay. Accept that their generosity is welcome and sit and polish their halo basking in the warmth of doing something good.

I have friends who gratefully accept our offers to pay for things and say, are you sure.. and then add up things that they spend and ask to go halves.. it drives me a bit potty but heh ho.. they are generous with their company and are good people to have around.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2021 13:45

As accident isn’t down to B so there is no half to pay

UhtredRagnarson · 06/05/2021 13:45

B is an idiot and A is a shit driver.

Notaroadrunner · 06/05/2021 13:46

@Aibooo

Yeah it’s fine B will uphold their promise!! I am neither but B has explained it to me so I was thinking what I would do in this scenario

B is obviously nicer than me as also offered to split potential tickets with A!!

B is therefore an idiot. If A chooses to park illegally or drive in such a manner that they damage their car, then they are the ones responsible to pay.
Elouera · 06/05/2021 13:48

B should have offered to do half the driving instead of just buying all the snacks!

B shouldn't have offered to pay. A is at fault and can claim on insurance if necessary.