AIBU to consider Online Schooling.

[ButterfliesnWaterfalls]

(Posting here for traffic)

Hi all,

Hope you're all well.

DS is 9 and in Year 4. He has Autism, but is currently in a mainstream school.

Every single day, I get tears in the morning and then continuous anxiety of "I don't like school mum, I don't have friends" etc.

Having said that - he seems to be doing okay at mainstream, doesn't have friends but is 4wt in most areas currently, and teachers are happy with his behaviour.

I am seriously contemplating Online schooling for him starting Year 7 only due to lack of social interaction he has with his peers currently. He's mostly alone from what I've been told. And this affects him. He keeps asking me "why don't I have friends? Why don't people like me?"

I have read about Inter High and My Online School. I'm more inclined towards the latter.

What has everyone's experience for homeschooling been? Do you use online platforms or other resources? I'd prefer structure to his day so he knows what to expect.

Please share your experiences. Especially if you have SEN kids.

Thanks in advance 😊

(I guess my AIBU is:

IABU and I should send him to secondary to at least give it a try and then pull him out

Or

IANBU and take the plunge by deregistering him to manage his anxiety levels).

[user77hjjy]

Bump

[Nix32]

If I didn't have to work, I would love to do it. However, I would make joining a home schooling community a priority, and make sure that we met in person regularly, to ensure development of my child's social skills and friendships.

[Applesarenice]

Really difficult but I think I would at least try. A big part of school life is allowing children to develop social skills and set them up for the world of work.

[picturesandpickles]

I know lots of home ed children, the socialisation out of school is often better and more positive than it is in school in many cases, as they do more varied things and actually design the activities together.

Overall no, yanbu to think about educating your child in the best way for them.

But don't underestimate the level of input needed from you.

[picturesandpickles]

My view is school prepares young people very poorly for the 21st century workplace, it is stuck in a timewarp really.

[Oneweekleft]

If you could provide a mix of online school and face to face meeting with others i think it would be ok. If he coped with the homeschooling well before it could be a good indication on whether its right for him or not. However you'll have to be careful that he doesnt end up more isolated and if he refuses face to face groups then you'll be in a difficult position.

[SunshiningBetty]

We used My Online School over lockdown and it was fantastic. We had very small classes and some fantastic lessons. Would definitely recommend. I would second making sure you join a lot of homeschooling networks and encourage him to make friends there but at least you would be there to help him. .

[BendingSpoons]

Tricky decision. It's possible a secondary school may allow him to find more likeminded friends due to a larger intake. However it may also be overwhelming and stressful for him. I think it could be a good option for him. You could consider trying to transition back to a mainstream setting for sixth form. Can you investigate for now, possibly apply for mainstream as normal, and then discuss with him nearer the time?

I'm of the view that if an environment is too stressful or unhappy for a child, it's not beneficial and is possibly detrimental. You can work in social skills through other avenues e.g. the online school, homeschooling meets, specific clubs etc.

However this would be a big commitment for you in terms of needing to facilitate more having him home all the time and financially, although some of this would hopefully lessen over time. I assume you have considered this though, and are ok with this.

[SunshiningBetty]

What about a secondary school with a dedicated autism unit?

[SOLINVICTUS]

Massive difference between home ed and online.
Where I am, due to Covid, we've been online since last March.
As a teacher (and parent) I can only tell you that about 80% of the kids have insomnia and anxiety, parents are telling us about eating disorders, headaches, vision problems, fits of uncontrollable crying. And these are secondary kids.
In all of our staff/pastoral meetings, we are told to specially look out for the kids saying they prefer the online teaching. Because they're the ones whose reactions aren't normal and who are going to have the biggest problems in the future.

[BusyLizzie61]

I have a child with ASD and in primary.
Personally, I think that given that social interactions are always going to be more challenging, I would be looking to at least try secondary school, otherwise, you could be cutting him off from the world as it really is and he will never manage to move forward Socially.
Perhaps looking for schools with additional support for secondary is preferable. Or a blended approach.
What are the school doing to try and support him to build friendships? I've pushed for our school to at least try and do this, with varying degrees of success at different times, but always received positively by my child when it happens. Maybe request they also support.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Of you can spare the time and if you
Can locate a local HS group for moral support for you and for
Him , why not ?

I’ve heard of many that have done this

Main risk is for you and your work and income

[SOLINVICTUS]

Meant to say, I have 4 students with varying degrees of autism or ADHD and all of them have seen a notable aggravation of issues during online teaching.

[yoyo1234]

I can understand you wanting to do online schooling. I think as other PPs have mentioned make sure your DS joins lots of groups . He wants friends and I would be worried unless a great home education group is found to fill that area he will still not be happy. I would have thought though that there may be a big rise in home schooling after lockdown and hopefully more chance to meet others like your DS who share common interests 🙂.

[Liverbird77]

Even if you do online school, you can still find plenty of opportunities for social interaction.
Near us, for example, there are forest school sessions for home schooled kids, including those with ASD, art sessions etc

[BusyLizzie61]

@Liverbird77

Even if you do online school, you can still find plenty of opportunities for social interaction.
Near us, for example, there are forest school sessions for home schooled kids, including those with ASD, art sessions etc

I am not sure whether though you fully understand how difficult it is for children with ASD to interact and socialise. By removing the need to interact, an unintended consequence sadly could be that the child will be willing to do even less.
For my lo, lockdown was amazing. But I would be doing my child an injustice for his future and possibly making his world even smaller, however we'll intended.

[Liverbird77]

@BusyLizzie61 yes, I am familiar. Two children in my immediate family have ASD, and I also taught for 15 years.

The sessions I was talking about are specifically for ASD children. Of course they wouldn't be appropriate for all, but they are great for some.

[Liverbird77]

Or if you're talking about moving to online school, I also agree that it isn't right for all. For one of the children in my family it would be brilliant if my relative had the time and ability to do it. For the other child, school is definitely the best option.

[crazycrofter]

This is just anecdotal of course, but I have a couple of friends who home educate (and we home edded ds for two years). They both have (at least) one autistic child (big families) and I think they’re both much happier and well balanced than they would be in school (neither has ever been). Being consistently left out and viewed as different really affects your sense of self. Outside of school, there aren’t such rigid social rules as there are at school, and they’ve both learned to socialise in a natural way, without having to fit into a mould. And it’s not so intense/day in day out.

My ds has ADHD and school has been a bit of a nightmare for him to be honest - not socially, but just the structure and rules. If we’d been able to (ie had finances and time) I think he’d probably have been better off at home too.

School in no way prepares you for real life! A couple of the older home educated kids I know are now coming out the other end and they’re much better prepared than a lot of school kids I know.

[sonypony]

My child who has autism also isn’t suited to school. Was just alone and lonely in the playground despite being sociable, not having any behavioural problems and wanting friends. Couldn’t understand the work so wasn’t learning much either. We tried my online school which didn’t last long as they were awful with him/autism. We home Ed now. It’s easier than I thought it would be and he’s got friends now. He socialises more now and also goes to several extra curricular ‘after school’ activities.

[BittyBatHats]

I'd be pushing school a lot harder to help him socially. It's unacceptable for them to just leave him alone. What does the SENCO say? The head of pastoral care? Does he have an EHCP? If not I'd be pushing for one. I have a son with HFA autism and the solution for us was to go private so he could be in a smaller class with far more adult help with the social side of things. Is private an option for you?

[qwerty1972]

I have home educated my child with ASD from the start. I did all the teaching myself when she was little and added online school when she was about 10. We use Net School and it has been fantastic. She completed her IGCSEs with them and achieved excellent grades. Studying with an online school has meant she has had enough 'social energy' to do evening clubs and pursue her musical interests - she wouldn't have managed this if she had been in school.

The benefits of good online schools include small classes, flexibility (in terms of the number of subjects studied and at what level), high academic standards and no disruption in classes.

It's definitely worth considering.

[ButterfliesnWaterfalls]

@Nix32

If I didn't have to work, I would love to do it. However, I would make joining a home schooling community a priority, and make sure that we met in person regularly, to ensure development of my child's social skills and friendships.

Thanks for your reply. Yes I would have to go part time at least, and sort out the logistics with my husband but it's feasible for me to focus entirely on DS with his schooling.

[ButterfliesnWaterfalls]

@user77hjjy

Bump

[ButterfliesnWaterfalls]

@Applesarenice

Really difficult but I think I would at least try. A big part of school life is allowing children to develop social skills and set them up for the world of work.

Yes, that's what I have been thinking of too. What about work or uni? How will he manage if interaction is only with people he knows? How will he form new relationships, etc etc?