AIBU to consider Online Schooling.

[ButterfliesnWaterfalls]

(Posting here for traffic)

Hi all,

Hope you're all well.

DS is 9 and in Year 4. He has Autism, but is currently in a mainstream school.

Every single day, I get tears in the morning and then continuous anxiety of "I don't like school mum, I don't have friends" etc.

Having said that - he seems to be doing okay at mainstream, doesn't have friends but is 4wt in most areas currently, and teachers are happy with his behaviour.

I am seriously contemplating Online schooling for him starting Year 7 only due to lack of social interaction he has with his peers currently. He's mostly alone from what I've been told. And this affects him. He keeps asking me "why don't I have friends? Why don't people like me?"

I have read about Inter High and My Online School. I'm more inclined towards the latter.

What has everyone's experience for homeschooling been? Do you use online platforms or other resources? I'd prefer structure to his day so he knows what to expect.

Please share your experiences. Especially if you have SEN kids.

Thanks in advance 😊

(I guess my AIBU is:

IABU and I should send him to secondary to at least give it a try and then pull him out

Or

IANBU and take the plunge by deregistering him to manage his anxiety levels).

@picturesandpickles

I know lots of home ed children, the socialisation out of school is often better and more positive than it is in school in many cases, as they do more varied things and actually design the activities together.

Overall no, yanbu to think about educating your child in the best way for them.

But don't underestimate the level of input needed from you.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, it is daunting and I don't know of anyone locally who home eds. I just feel it will be better for DS's mental health if he didn't physically attend school.

@picturesandpickles

My view is school prepares young people very poorly for the 21st century workplace, it is stuck in a timewarp really.

I kind of feel the same! I feel like he needs to be taught things like self care, or tidying up, washing dishes, making sure he is clean and tidy, gardening etc. Alongside Maths and English and Science and other subjects.

@Oneweekleft

If you could provide a mix of online school and face to face meeting with others i think it would be ok. If he coped with the homeschooling well before it could be a good indication on whether its right for him or not. However you'll have to be careful that he doesnt end up more isolated and if he refuses face to face groups then you'll be in a difficult position.

Thank you. This is my worry too. I don't want him to be isolated. At the moment his clubs are opening up, so he is attending his karate and swim sessions (Thank God).

I think 1:1 works well with him. Unfortunately school can't/don't provide that as he is in small groups.

The thing is - if he has 1:1 at home then I know he will be okay academically as he is currently in Year 4 and doing Year 4 work. But then the socialisation aspect is where he needs help with too. So it's difficult to see what we should do.

@SunshiningBetty

We used My Online School over lockdown and it was fantastic. We had very small classes and some fantastic lessons. Would definitely recommend. I would second making sure you join a lot of homeschooling networks and encourage him to make friends there but at least you would be there to help him. .

I've heard lots of good things about My Online School. Thanks for your insight I notice they have Social Wellbeing sessions and even extra curricular on there too.

I am hoping for him to continue with the current clubs etc he is doing so he will have face to face interaction with other kids.

I've googled local home Ed clubs but haven't found any. I might look into asking in the local fb groups and see what's available.

@SunshiningBetty

What about a secondary school with a dedicated autism unit?

We have a school like that here but the parents whose kids attend aren't happy and most say to avoid it sadly. There's been a lot of safeguarding concerns and I think there's been talk of staff leaving quickly too.

Our DD is autistic and in year 12 Currently doing A levels at Interhigh

It’s been an amazing journey for her after we moved her there when she failed to transition spectacularly in year 7

It won’t work well for all children but for her it has given her a world and community that she can interact with and thrive in which is what she’s done

I’ve found the school to be supportive and compassionate to her disabilities, one of her tutors is a very special kind of person who I am grateful to for the support she gives my child

During her time in the school we’ve had some wonderful meet ups and experiences at PGL and Harry Potter studio

DD has had great opportunities, she has sat on the student council twice and for the right child this is a great route

If you have any questions feel free to DM me, also DD’s place is funded by an EHCP which most people don’t realise is a possibility

I think you really need a community. For example, home edders round here meet for trips out, club together for tutors for certain lessons at high school level, and provide that social interaction.

What I would say though is that we allowed DS to try secondary school. Academically it's been a total disaster, he will not reach his potential in any way shape or form, but he has made friends and found his tribe. Lockdown gave us the chance to say 'do you like being at home better than school' and he very much felt that school was a more enjoyable experience.

We always said that either the academics have to work or the socials have to work for him, not necessarily both. Socially he's happy so that's enough.

Pick your secondary well and it might be the best possible thing for him. And definitely do it that way around, ie let him start at the same time as everyone else rather than trying homeschooling first.

It's a really hard decision though for you

@BendingSpoons

Tricky decision. It's possible a secondary school may allow him to find more likeminded friends due to a larger intake. However it may also be overwhelming and stressful for him. I think it could be a good option for him. You could consider trying to transition back to a mainstream setting for sixth form. Can you investigate for now, possibly apply for mainstream as normal, and then discuss with him nearer the time?

I'm of the view that if an environment is too stressful or unhappy for a child, it's not beneficial and is possibly detrimental. You can work in social skills through other avenues e.g. the online school, homeschooling meets, specific clubs etc.

However this would be a big commitment for you in terms of needing to facilitate more having him home all the time and financially, although some of this would hopefully lessen over time. I assume you have considered this though, and are ok with this.

Thanks for your insight. I always see kids at the local secondary (we walk through the secondary to get to the juniors) and see kids with friends talking and laughing and it does upset me that I will be potentially depriving him of that if we home Ed.

DS isn't phased by it though, he says teenagers are loud and swear a lot

Financially it will be feasible. We only have DS and DH and I can work it out so that I don't work and we can pay for his online schooling if it comes to that.

@SOLINVICTUS

Massive difference between home ed and online. Where I am, due to Covid, we've been online since last March. As a teacher (and parent) I can only tell you that about 80% of the kids have insomnia and anxiety, parents are telling us about eating disorders, headaches, vision problems, fits of uncontrollable crying. And these are secondary kids. In all of our staff/pastoral meetings, we are told to specially look out for the kids saying they prefer the online teaching. Because they're the ones whose reactions aren't normal and who are going to have the biggest problems in the future.

Oh my gosh. That's worrying

DS has always been anxious since Reception I would say. He's fine in school. He doesn't throw tantrums and gets on with his work.

It's only BEFORE and AFTER school or Sunday nights, or when any holidays are ending then he gets upset and cries. At the moment he is looking forward to summer holidays but I know near the end of August he will be sad and upset all over again.

I suppose I'm using home Ed and online interchangeably - what I mean to say is it would be online schooling and he would do his extra curricular clubs too.

@BusyLizzie61

I have a child with ASD and in primary. Personally, I think that given that social interactions are always going to be more challenging, I would be looking to at least try secondary school, otherwise, you could be cutting him off from the world as it really is and he will never manage to move forward Socially. Perhaps looking for schools with additional support for secondary is preferable. Or a blended approach. What are the school doing to try and support him to build friendships? I've pushed for our school to at least try and do this, with varying degrees of success at different times, but always received positively by my child when it happens. Maybe request they also support.

Thanks for your reply.

School aren't doing much. I've sent so many emails. I found out that at play time they have been giving him the ipad and he has been watching YouTube indoors. It was only when I asked him and he told me that he loves play time now because he has screen that I was a bit

I emailed his teacher and asked her to make sure he has fresh air at play time and not the screen. I noticed they did the same when it came to his school performance, they would give him headphones and a tablet while other kids were putting on a school show - again I had to tell his teacher, he is capable of learning lines, singing and being part of the performance.

I think school's answer is "headphones and tablet" - of course he would love to have that all day.

Yes he has EHCP. I've made a thread about that previously and since I questioned SENCO she's been distant

@crazycrofter

This is just anecdotal of course, but I have a couple of friends who home educate (and we home edded ds for two years). They both have (at least) one autistic child (big families) and I think they’re both much happier and well balanced than they would be in school (neither has ever been). Being consistently left out and viewed as different really affects your sense of self. Outside of school, there aren’t such rigid social rules as there are at school, and they’ve both learned to socialise in a natural way, without having to fit into a mould. And it’s not so intense/day in day out.

My ds has ADHD and school has been a bit of a nightmare for him to be honest - not socially, but just the structure and rules. If we’d been able to (ie had finances and time) I think he’d probably have been better off at home too.

School in no way prepares you for real life! A couple of the older home educated kids I know are now coming out the other end and they’re much better prepared than a lot of school kids I know.

Thanks for your insight.

My worry is limiting him. It's good to hear of people who have found what works for them. I think I'm just a bit cautious about what to do. Both have pros and cons.

He tells me of his frustration of not fitting in or having friends and no one to play with. He has been called "weird" by his peers. I know my niece has called him tha too and he doesn't understand why.

He wanted to do a speech in class about not making people feel lonely and if other kids see someone alone they should play with them

@HoldontoOneMoreDay

I think you really need a community. For example, home edders round here meet for trips out, club together for tutors for certain lessons at high school level, and provide that social interaction.

What I would say though is that we allowed DS to try secondary school. Academically it's been a total disaster, he will not reach his potential in any way shape or form, but he has made friends and found his tribe. Lockdown gave us the chance to say 'do you like being at home better than school' and he very much felt that school was a more enjoyable experience.

We always said that either the academics have to work or the socials have to work for him, not necessarily both. Socially he's happy so that's enough.

Pick your secondary well and it might be the best possible thing for him. And definitely do it that way around, ie let him start at the same time as everyone else rather than trying homeschooling first.

It's a really hard decision though for you

Thank you for your reply. I agree. Trips and clubs and social interaction are all beneficial and required. I guess I just want him to be happy too but then I'm worried he will be isolated.

I'm glad you found what worked best for your DC.

@Tomnooktoldmeto

Our DD is autistic and in year 12 Currently doing A levels at Interhigh

It’s been an amazing journey for her after we moved her there when she failed to transition spectacularly in year 7

It won’t work well for all children but for her it has given her a world and community that she can interact with and thrive in which is what she’s done

I’ve found the school to be supportive and compassionate to her disabilities, one of her tutors is a very special kind of person who I am grateful to for the support she gives my child

During her time in the school we’ve had some wonderful meet ups and experiences at PGL and Harry Potter studio

DD has had great opportunities, she has sat on the student council twice and for the right child this is a great route

If you have any questions feel free to DM me, also DD’s place is funded by an EHCP which most people don’t realise is a possibility

That's brilliant. I'm glad your DD is doing well!

I thought EHCP is just for schools. I know someone mentioned on here previously they get LA to fund their home Ed. I will DM you for info. Thanks again

@sonypony

My child who has autism also isn’t suited to school. Was just alone and lonely in the playground despite being sociable, not having any behavioural problems and wanting friends. Couldn’t understand the work so wasn’t learning much either. We tried my online school which didn’t last long as they were awful with him/autism. We home Ed now. It’s easier than I thought it would be and he’s got friends now. He socialises more now and also goes to several extra curricular ‘after school’ activities.

Sounds similar to my DS. But DS performed better during school online learning.

I'm glad you found home ed worked better for you. I hope your DS is happy and doing well now

@BittyBatHats

I'd be pushing school a lot harder to help him socially. It's unacceptable for them to just leave him alone. What does the SENCO say? The head of pastoral care? Does he have an EHCP? If not I'd be pushing for one. I have a son with HFA autism and the solution for us was to go private so he could be in a smaller class with far more adult help with the social side of things. Is private an option for you?

He has EHCP. All the social stuff that is on there hasn't materialised unfortunately.

Going private is out of the question as it costs 10k a year hence we felt online learning with extra clubs might be better for him.

Is it possible to have some kind of hybrid? With mostly online but some time spent with other kids, even if it’s in a different setting?

I would just worry that not mixing at all would make it harder later on.

Disclaimer - I have no expertise with SEN.

@qwerty1972

I have home educated my child with ASD from the start. I did all the teaching myself when she was little and added online school when she was about 10. We use Net School and it has been fantastic. She completed her IGCSEs with them and achieved excellent grades. Studying with an online school has meant she has had enough 'social energy' to do evening clubs and pursue her musical interests - she wouldn't have managed this if she had been in school.

The benefits of good online schools include small classes, flexibility (in terms of the number of subjects studied and at what level), high academic standards and no disruption in classes.

It's definitely worth considering.

Yes all the reviews I've read on online schooling platforms have mostly been positive from kids with SEN.

I might look into NetSchool. Thanks for your reply. I'm glad your DD doing well

We did Myonlineschooling for a couple of years. I took my dd out of school in year 5 due to school refusal. I found the teaching to be good quality and interesting, and I found them to be supportive and understanding of my childs SEN issues.

I did find that as time went on, she struggled to engage as much as she did to begin with and it was hard for me to keep trying to motivate her or remind her and therefore she went back to school and academically she had no issues, so it seems like my perception of her not engaging hadnt actually affected her as much as it could have.
I dont have any regrets about it, and if you can afford it, its a great resource, especially if you dont feel confident about your own abilities to manage home education

Thanks all - I greatly appreciate your input, advice and personal experiences.

I'm thinking of looking at local secondarys and taking DS with me to see how he feels (nearer the time of course) and then seeing what will work for him.

I want DS to be happy, I want him to develop and have social skills and friends and I want to protect him from bullying and all the nightmarish stuff teenagers go through at school.

I definitely don't want him to be unhappy and stressed. Imagine living like that? Where you dread waking up each morning?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Is it possible to have some kind of hybrid? With mostly online but some time spent with other kids, even if it’s in a different setting?

I would just worry that not mixing at all would make it harder later on.

Disclaimer - I have no expertise with SEN.

Ideally I would love for him to go to school and do the core subjects with his peers. I think a full day is too much for him. But I'm not sure if any school caters for that.

Haven't done it personally OP but I've been doing some online teaching of secondary students during lockdown and a decent minorityhave said they prefer learning at home as school is too busy, loud and distracting. (None of these kids are on the spectrum but do seem quieter personalities). So I do think it would work for some kids.

I do think you'd need to find him an environment to work on his social skills though as otherwise he's avoiding rejection by simply avoiding people. For some kids though school isn't a good environment for social skills because it's simply too busy and overwhelming. Are there any social groups for kids with ADH/ASD? Could you reach out to local mums in similar situations on Facebook? Does he play minecraft? Or have any other hobbies which could act as an ice breaker?

Now I come to think of it I do know one girl with ASD who is going into 6th form next year after 10 years of home schooling. She has enjoyed the experience but her parents didn't provide a lot for her in terms of social skills and independence so she is probably a bit behind where she might have been. That said she's mainly happy and confident and is expected to get good GCSEs so all in all a positive experience.

I think that is one of the beauties of online school. There is much more downtime as even doing the full curriculum it was usually an absolute max of 3 or 4 lessons a day over 4 days. It gave my dd a real chance to rest and pursue other interests, and then when the time came, she was really ready to go back, and she seems to appreciate school more now she is at secondary than my ds who has been at school the whole time (bar lockdown).

@ButterfliesnWaterfalls lots of local colleges now provide a core subjects GCSE offering for years 10 and 11. The one near us offers English Lit and Lang, Maths and Biology plus there are one or two vocational subjects on offer. Obviously not relevant until year 10 but it means they’re with peers for say half a week instead of the full on school timetable.

Sorry, meant to explain this is for home educated kids.