Arrange things, then not want to go?

[Smellytrainers]

Does anyone else do this/feel like this?

A few days ago I arranged a big (ish) mums meet up/play date for my toddler this weekend. Some of the mums I don’t know (new in the mums group) and I went all out to invite people and make an effort.
Now the day is coming closer, I’m not sure I even want to go...it’s a combination of cba but also nerves, plus feeling pressure that I obviously can’t back out now and perhaps am the one ‘In charge’ when I don’t want to be, whereas when I planned it all, I felt fine 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m weird, aren’t I?

No not weird I feel like this all the time, go and and enjoy or go and regret organising it, either way you did something that will have a positive effect for others - take it as a win 😀

No, not at all weird. I do this too. I am getting better because I force myself to see things through, even though I don’t want to. I find it best to imagine how the other people would feel if I let them down. I also usually enjoy myself when I make the effort.

@Feather12 Yes, def can’t back out as I’m
the one who organised it for everyone else, that would look pretty odd I guess 🙈it’s the pressure maybe..and the mums I’ve never met. Is this onus on me to carry it all..or will people just sort themselves, do you think?

@marzipanballsrule That’s nice, I never thought of it that way, about doing something positive for others ☺️
I definitely feel better when I actually do it, but hate the build up

Just to present the other side of the coin - I have a friend who does this and it drives me a little bit mad. I do get that possibly for her there's a bit of anxiety involved or maybe it's more related to enjoying the anticipation/idea of it but then cba when the day arrives.

Either way, when she suggests cancelling or rearranging it taps into my little demons and I feel a bit shit.

We all have our things, I get that, but if you're the one pushing for a date and making the plan then backing out at the last minute is a bit rubbish.

@Madamswearsalot No, I totally get that, I’m
not going to back out when I’m the one that arranged it with so many..I just ‘Feel’ like I don’t really want to go now 🤷🏻‍♀️I still will and will put on a happy face and gear myself up for it..just wondering why I get like this

I’m the same but no-one’s expecting you to actually host the evening, even though you’ve organised it. Imagine you were one of the invitees-you don’t expect to be entertained; you’re all grown ups. Everyone will just drink, chat and be fine-just try to relax and enjoy it!

I feel the same, so I've stopped arranging things for more than 1 or 2 extra people.

I used to always be organising big groups for lunches out, knitting groups, films etc but then used to not want to go. I also sometimes got the feeling that other people didn't really want to come either, so I stopped.

I've never regretted it!

@Fightingtalk @PyjamaFan Why am I so into it when planning it and feel excited and super sociable and as it approaches, it changes

I have a chronic problem with this. The idea is exciting but the reality makes me want to run for the hills.
I HATE being committed to something.

I do this everytime but I do have diagnosed autism. I'm such a bail out :(

@FedNlanders But do you actively plan it all and get people together or just accept others invitations and not want to go?
Do you go?

@mermaidsariel Do you bail out?

When I was younger I was never like this, loved being out and scout with lots of plans

I feel like this all the time, well I used to when I actually had a life and saw real human people apart from the ones I live with!

I’d usually arrange something, often I’d contact friends on a Friday evening while having a a wine and suddenly feeling very sociable. By the Monday I’d be dreading it and wondering what I’d been thinking.

In some ways I’m not really looking forward to people again after lockdown.

@WilsonMilson But what’s the dread about? Not wanting to go out, not wanting to see others?

[quote Smellytrainers]@mermaidsariel Do you bail out?

When I was younger I was never like this, loved being out and scout with lots of plans[/quote]
I try to a lot of the time. Not when I’m letting people down though. I think it’s about feeling overwhelmed. I find things a strain that I never used to. I don’t have any resilience anymore. I suppose doing nothing is less demanding and there’s no chance of it going wrong. I find people a strain these days and my energy levels are low. It’s worrying. Even holidays seem to demanding .

I panic if I feel there is no ‘get out’. I really don’t know what it’s about.

I'm like this, but I generally enjoy myself when I make the effort and go, and afterwards I'm usually glad I went. Actually I have a meet up arranged for tomorrow and I've been watching the weather thinking I hope it's crap and I can cancel 😄.
I set up and organise the social group, which seems a bit weird when I always get the jitters about going to an event I've organised, but I know now it's just a bit of social anxiety and can't be botheredness.

assuming that you;re in the UK and your interpretation of big-ish, maybe it's the thought that you're breaking the law that's putting you off?
Happy Covid.

I think you are just overthinking it as the date nears. Sure youve arranged a date to meet but its up to everyone who's coming equally to make things enjoyable, you aren't reaponsible for everyone. I think you need to go with the flow a bit more and say to yourself let's see what happens rather than worrying about the details.

Yes, I get what you mean. I loved planning my daughters birthday parties over the years, it was just actually having to host them that I dreaded. You just want it to be a success & for people to enjoy it. No doubt they're grateful they've been invited & can always say no if they don't like your company. So that's a testament to you, if they haven't backed out that is telling you they want to spend time with you, that should give you the confidence to see it through.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

Excuse me?

No, actually, I’m not in the U.K.

By biggish, they’ll be possible 4/5 mums, biggish to me for a long time.

‘Happy covid’....wow, what a nasty thing to say. I’m actually recovering from long covid, 14 months in, from back in March 2020, when I went ‘Nowhere’
Over the past year has been hellish in this regard, looking after a boisterous toddler and coping on my own at home.

Thank you for bringing down my day.

@Oneweekleft Yes, for sure. I think it’s because I’ve organised it, rather than just turning up

@user1471462634 You’re right and yes I’m the same as you about all the planning, I love all that part

@mermaidsariel So sorry you feel like that, I get periods like that too and then times of cramming in a few meet ups, then nothing for ages.
I get what you mean about having no get out, I normally have to make an excuse that I may need to leave early etc, just in case it’s not going well or I’m not feeling it, so wish I could just go with the flow more