To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

[quote NamiSwan]@namechangeApril21 I didn't say anything about it being discrimination 🙄 just that I don't think it's unreasonable to ask if a baby can come in and feed for 15 mins if necessary.

I have three children, including a 9 month old baby so yeah I get wanting to be in "adult spaces" but come on, it wouldn't harm you if there was a newborn in the same room as you feeding for 10 mins would it? Not sure why you assume a newborn being fed would be a "whinging kid" tbh[/quote]
Of course a baby being breastfed does no harm.
But a baby being breastfed while the mother sits on a hairdressing chair means that the hairdresser loses money. A hairdresser can not carry on and will have to stop.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

They were not refusing service to a breast feeding mother, they simply had a no child policy. It's not the same thing at all.

@LilQueenie

Put it this way, is your hair appointment more important than feeding your baby?

Oh please...such mental gymnastics! What do you think is the answer to your ridiculous question. So insulting to OP and melodramatic

I breastfed and my children would not take bottles. It's hard but I think YABU.
Options are;
Find someone who could come to house.
Wait a couple more months till baby goes longer between feeds.

Yes, I'm sure they have the blanket rule of no children allowed to indirectly discriminate solely against breastfeeding mothers 🙄

Well if it isn't there for that reason, they can make an exception to avoid that can't they.

YANBU but you could have asked the salon before you went in. I wouldn’t care if someone next to me was feeding their baby because it’s Hair Day yippee! They didn’t handle it very well but you could have handled it better too.

One of my nieces owns and runs a childfree cafe. It's always full, always popular and as she owns the premises it is in, she is perfectly entitled to turn away children of any age for whatever reason. And she does. That includes babies who are breastfed.

Haven't read the 750 posts but YABU

YANBU you're a breastfeeding mother, people should take care of you and accept you whereever you go.

[quote NamiSwan]@namechangeApril21 I didn't say anything about it being discrimination 🙄 just that I don't think it's unreasonable to ask if a baby can come in and feed for 15 mins if necessary.

I have three children, including a 9 month old baby so yeah I get wanting to be in "adult spaces" but come on, it wouldn't harm you if there was a newborn in the same room as you feeding for 10 mins would it? Not sure why you assume a newborn being fed would be a "whinging kid" tbh[/quote]
If the baby is going to be hungry enough for the dad to bring him /her from home then I imagine that yes the baby will be crying

I don’t think expecting a baby to be able to come in for a feed is particularly unreasonable but what a song and dance for something that wasn’t even guaranteed to happen.

@NamiSwan my point about discrimination was aimed at the multiple posts claiming it was discrimination.

I go to a hairdressers with a child free policy for a reason. So yes it would make a difference to me. If you want to bring a child, then pick a hair dressers that doesn't have this policy.

@FredtheCatsMum

YANBU you're a breastfeeding mother, people should take care of you and accept you whereever you go.

Bullshit. And I breastfed mine all around the UK, in some weird and wonderful places.

If I go to a hairdresser, salon, spa, hotel, etc, that has a child free policy, I don't want my experence ruined by someone bringing a child in.

And I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've done my time with infants and small children, so I will now purposely book places that have a no children policy.

There was a spa/hotel a few years ago that had a child free policy, no under 18s. A mum tried to get her breastfeeding child allowed in overnight, claiming she was being discrimitated against. There were a few breast feeding mums who tried to whip up support with a "feed-in" but it all back fired. They didn't get many people joining in, as it was clear the adults only policy was very popular, and the spa actually had an increase in bookings as people realised the management stood behind their policy.

[quote Fuebombaa]@AppleAppleAppleApple no normal human would starve themselves to death, calm down[/quote]
@Fuebombaa so my baby isn’t normal? And the other pps baby who wouldn’t feed wasn’t normal either?

Don’t try and patronise me to cover up the fact that you have no clue what you’re talking about.

@Fuebombaa I presume you’re also saying that people with anorexia are also not normal?

You’re a lovely piece of work aren’t you?

'And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.'
You can't have it both ways. Either you wanted to be on your own, or not.

'I promise not to complain if my baby accidentally swallows my hair.'
Have you heard of hair bobbles / ties / scrunches if that is your worry?

You should have checked before you went why the policy is about children.

I support breastfeeding, but do feel you're using that as a non issue (as it turns out) to have things your own way - and have you considered that if they allowed your baby into the salon, they may have had to kick someone out to comply with COVID regulations?

so I shouldn’t have my hair cut for as long as I’m breastfeeding

Nothing wrong with getting a hair cut ie paying somebody to make your hair shorter. Quick cut from a junior stylist can be done in 30minutes tops.

If your baby is exclusively breastfed then why are you getting a colour that you know will be taking several hours?

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem

This is your problem. You told them what was going to happen in their salon rather than asked before making the appointment. Next time ask at the first point of contact.

@AppleAppleAppleApple 🤣 I was anorexic through my teen years 💀

Current NHS guidelines suggest not 'introducing a bottle' to breastfed babies (unless under supervision for top ups etc) until they are at least 6 weeks old, to avoid interfering with establishing milk supply and the breastfeeding relationship. Many lactation consultants/breastfeeding supporters will recommend avoiding anything such as a bottle or dummy that could cause 'nipple confusion' or interfere with establishing breast milk supply and breastfeeding relationship before 12 weeks.

The assumption that a breastfed baby will just take a bottle is obviously coming from people with incredibly little experience of the issue.

YANBU.
Honestly can't believe some of the awful comments on here.
This is why we have one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. It's absolutely shameful that a business can't be a little flexible and allow a mother to feed her baby. Why does everyone keep chucking around the word 'policy' like that automatically validates this. It's a newborn that needs feeding for Christ's sake.
To all of those who are outraged at the thought of their hair appointment being interrupted by a hungry little baby and have commented YABU... what a bunch of miserable old crows you are.

Why shouldn't a new mum who has probably spent the last two months doing little else but care for her baby get the chance to have a haircut AND feed her baby.
You really can't tolerate a baby in your midst for a short while in order to be supportive and compassionate to another human being and her newborn?

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. I would just go elsewhere - it sounds like this hairdresser doesn't cater to your needs, which is fine for both parties as they are very upfront about it.

What are the odds that this thread will be discussed on loose women tomorrow ?

[quote SonnyWinds]**@MeadowsInSunshine* Well actually, no children means no children, unless you need to breastfeed, which you are entitled to do.*
No children means no children. Why would you think breastfeeding entitles you to break that rule?! Genuinely curious why you think breastfeeding changes the rule?[/quote]
I think you meant to @ me.

Because the right to breastfeed is enshrined in law, 'rules' are irrelevant.

[quote Fuebombaa]@AppleAppleAppleApple 🤣 I was anorexic through my teen years 💀[/quote]
Then you should be more understanding towards those of us who struggle with it. You’re coming across as a very unpleasant person. Have a nice evening.

Yabu. How long is the hair appointment?! Even a baby as young as 2m isnt going to come to any harm whatsoever waiting say 1.5 hours between feeds as a one off. It's up to you to make sure you feed before you go in and have DH ready outside with baby so you can feed when done. If you really can't manage that, just have a basic cut & blow dry that you can have done in an hour and leave colours etc for when the baby is nearer 6m and comfortably managing more like 2.5-3 hours between feeds.

When DD was 5 weeks old (and actually only 39 weeks in terms of gestational age, I had to leave her for 2 hours to attend a funeral. She was a little grizzly by the time I returned but not the end of the world and her dad did a good job distracting her.

The hairdressers have a business to run, they don't want the risk of chemicals and fumes around your baby, the disruption to their other clients etc.