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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an exception for bf baby?

999 replies

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 14:41

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

OP posts:
ChameleonKola · 05/05/2021 19:17

And... why on earth wouldn’t you just avoid all of this drama and give a bottle a day a few days before to make sure they’ll take it? Surely that’s the very obvious solution. It’s risky to never give an EBF baby a bottle at all anyway, plenty of people come up against problems if they end up hospitalised or otherwise unable to be with baby 24/7, it’s far better to make sure they’re happy with a bottle so they don’t suffer and struggle adjusting to it in an emergency if something were to happen.

Roboticcarrot · 05/05/2021 19:19

They have a no child policy, and not a no infant feeding policy. If it was an essential service and banning babies would mean you couldn't attend then sure, but even though a hair cut is important to you, it's not essential. They had a tricky year and I'm not surprised they don't want anything to jeopardise that if its to do with coxvid restrictions, and even if it isn't, it's their choice.

Biancadelrioisback · 05/05/2021 19:19

@ChameleonKola

And... why on earth wouldn’t you just avoid all of this drama and give a bottle a day a few days before to make sure they’ll take it? Surely that’s the very obvious solution. It’s risky to never give an EBF baby a bottle at all anyway, plenty of people come up against problems if they end up hospitalised or otherwise unable to be with baby 24/7, it’s far better to make sure they’re happy with a bottle so they don’t suffer and struggle adjusting to it in an emergency if something were to happen.
Because not all babies will take bottles
sunshinesontv · 05/05/2021 19:20

I haven't rtft and am sure it must already have been said but YABU, as BU as it's possible to be.

They're a private business and can enforce a child-free policy if they want.

If they let you do it, then they have to let anyone who asks. Maybe they don't want a row of breastfeeding mothers. I certainly don't want that when I go to the hairdressers to get away from kids, babies and bf.

You can't guarantee that your dh will arrive at a convenient time, that your baby won't cry, that your baby will latch on without any fuss, that your baby won't spit up some milk, that your baby won't grab at something they shouldn't.

And even if you can guarantee all of that about your own baby, you can't guarantee that for the other women who will start asking to bring their babies because you did.

swiggles · 05/05/2021 19:20

@Trixie78

Gosh I'm going against the grain here it seems but I think the hairdresser's handled that dreadfully. No bother would be caused to anyone by a baby having a 10 minute feed on your lap FFS! Are mothers just supposed to stay at home for months/years if bf? Give your heads wobble the lot of you. 🤔🤔🤔

OP cancel your appointment and go somewhere else who understands their customer's needs, you deserve this to be a relaxing experience xx

This! I have had my hair cut next to a little baby before who was absolutely zero bother Go elsewhere OP
Fuelledbywhat · 05/05/2021 19:20

YANBU

SayersScripts · 05/05/2021 19:21

OP I'm so sorry people have said those things to you! Breastfeeding is not a perverse lifestyle choice for which you have to sacrifice your whole life and be chained to the home. It's really hard, it's never ending, and you're doing it because it's good for your baby- not because you're entitled or a "special snowflake". You shouldn't have to drop out of society for it. I have also literally never heard of anyone using a mobile hairdresser- why should you have to pay for a premium service just because you're breastfeeding and the baby might not take a bottle? Hope you find a new salon which is happy to accommodate you both!

Gwegowygwiggs · 05/05/2021 19:22

YABU - It's your own fault for not making sure he will take a bottle before booking an appointment. A hair appointment is hardly an emergency, I exclusively bf my babies too and wouldn't leave them if I didn't know they could take a bottle, it's just unnecessary hassle. Get him comfortable taking a bottle then book your appt

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2021 19:24

I have also literally never heard of anyone using a mobile hairdresser- why should you have to pay for a premium service just because you're breastfeeding and the baby might not take a bottle?

Mobile hairdressers are generally cheaper Grin

I am truly baffled by the hairspray elf and safety shite. When the dds were tiny I took them with me to the hairdressers in the pram. No one batted an eyelid.

Tsubasa1 · 05/05/2021 19:24

Yabu, does it really take you two hours to get your haircut?

BlackDaffodil · 05/05/2021 19:24

Loving the sound of Child free Salons ... I never knew this was a thing.

Marvellous 🎉

poppycat10 · 05/05/2021 19:25

@SayersScripts Mobile hairdressers tend to be cheaper because they don't have expensive salons to maintain. Not a premium service at all.

And no bf isn't a lifestyle choice but having a child is and it is not for the rest of the world to accommodate the OP, the OP needs to change her lifestyle to accommodate the fact that she now has a baby. So in her shoes I would either use a mobile hairdresser or split my appointment into two appointments: cut and colour so I didn't need to be out of the house for too long at a time.

AliceMcK · 05/05/2021 19:26

@Biancadelrioisback that’s the point @ChameleonKola is making. If she had tried the baby on a bottle a few days earlier she would know if the baby was going to take it, cutting out all this drama of whether he would or wouldn’t take one. If he did then no problem go ahead with the appointment. If he wouldn’t then let the hairdressers know before the actual day she was going to need to breastfeed then they could have told her over the phone that she couldn’t do that rather than in front of all their other clients. Then the op could have made other plans and do could the hairdressers.

Livelovebehappy · 05/05/2021 19:26

Maybe you should have flagged this as a possibility when booking the appointment. They would have said it wasn’t possible, and you could have gone elsewhere. When I was breastfeeding, I would check out restaurants first to check what their attitude was to breastfeeding on their premises. I always recognised that it was entirely up to them as to their policies.

Daisyroselondon · 05/05/2021 19:27

I’m finding this so interesting as a small business owner, I’m all for women breast feeding but yes it’s a potential strain on the hairdressers time and schedule. Imagine you have a 45 minute slot and the baby doesn’t latch on / the husband doesn’t arrive in time etc etc. At what point is the breastfeeding child more important than the business trying to make a living? There must be a fundamental difference as to when you’re in a public place on your time and when you’re in a public place using someone else’s time.

Allthereindeersaregirls · 05/05/2021 19:27

@Tsubasa1

Yabu, does it really take you two hours to get your haircut?
And coloured. It's about 3 hours for me. 4 if I'm having balayage.
80sPadme · 05/05/2021 19:27

@HectorHalloumi

YABU. Just go to a hairdressers that does allow DC. Why do you think you are special??
This is a bit harsh.
Nomorepies · 05/05/2021 19:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

EarringsandLipstick · 05/05/2021 19:29

[quote SonnyWinds]**@MeadowsInSunshine* Well actually, no children means no children, unless you need to breastfeed, which you are entitled to do.*
No children means no children. Why would you think breastfeeding entitles you to break that rule?! Genuinely curious why you think breastfeeding changes the rule?[/quote]
The. Law.

That's what. 😑

(Oh and basic humanity, if that means anything.)

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 05/05/2021 19:29

Yeah, YABU. I say this as a Mum who had BF all of my DC. A haircut is optional, you could always wait another couple of months until your baby can go longer between feeds.

Fuebombaa · 05/05/2021 19:30

@Biancadelrioisback if they’re hungry enough they’ll eat

FeeLock · 05/05/2021 19:30

Has anyone posted this info yet?

The Equality Act 2010 has specifically clarified that it is unlawful for a business to discriminate against a woman because she is breastfeeding a child. A business may ask a breastfeeding woman to leave their premises if the reason for this request is not due to her breastfeeding.1 Oct 2010

Equality Act 2010 - Gov.uk

80sPadme · 05/05/2021 19:30

@Porridgeislife

I would be very unimpressed if someone brought their baby to the hairdresser during my appointment. YABU.
How exactly would it invade the appointment if she simply gets baby, feeds, gives back the OH at the door. She's not going to dump the baby in some other customers lap mid haircut is she!?
80sPadme · 05/05/2021 19:31

[quote thirstyformore]@Devlesko - you'd expect a refund because a baby is fed for 15 minutes in the same room as you?!?! Bizarre. [/quote]
This! Get a bleddy grip!

Tsubasa1 · 05/05/2021 19:31

@Allthereindeersaregirls İ think the OP should have gone in for a quick half hour hair cut, and waited for the balayage and whatever until the baby took the bottle! Problem solved

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