To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

Too far? She’s taking a baby to a salon, not throwing it into a river

@1Morewineplease

Makes me wonder where this breastfeeding whenever, wherever will end. Maybe dentists will have to stop, mid procedure, to accommodate a breast fed baby. Maybe the cashier at the supermarket must stop for a quick latch on. Maybe the post office cashier should hang on while you latch your baby on. Maybe your baby should be allowed to step out of the witness box , while you're giving evidence in court, so that you can feed your child.

I don't know, how on Earth did we ever cope?

I had to take my breastfed baby to court once when I was giving evidence.

I'll admit I didn't feed him in the actual witness box but the court had a private feeding room which I could use whenever I needed. I used it once.

The judge also kindly heard my evidence first and then excused me from court.

My son was 4 months old at the time. He slept quietly in his pram at the back of the court the whole time we were in there.

Does that mean a breast fed baby can go but they are allowed to ban bottle fed babies.

No, in order to stay in compliance with equalities legislation they can ban both or neither.

@EarringsandLipstick read tier post seems you are not actually right after all

For what it's worth I think YABU and you should have explained this on the phone when booking the appointment, BUT I can't believe the number of people who would be "fuming" about a baby being present, but then again I don't enjoy getting my hair cut, it's a means to an end, it's a haircut not a spa day!

[quote SonnyWinds]**@MeadowsInSunshine* Well actually, no children means no children, unless you need to breastfeed, which you are entitled to do.*
No children means no children. Why would you think breastfeeding entitles you to break that rule?! Genuinely curious why you think breastfeeding changes the rule?[/quote]
Because it’s enshrined in the Equality Act (2010).

YAB really U and totally wrong about the salon being in the wrong legally. Just from a H&S point of view they can refuse.

@PatchItUp

Thanks for all the viewpoints. Even the one that said my baby would have to learn to like a bottle if I dropped dead! I hope so, rather than starve, but as I’m not dead, just having my hair done, I am able to be a bit more accommodating to his needs.

Totally appreciate that many of you want your child free time uninterrupted, and have waited a long time for a hair cut too. I just do feel that a tiny breastfed baby is not the same as a toddler running around, and yes, I can be confident it would only have taken 15 minutes, and no, I wouldn’t expect the hairdresser to stop what they were doing, and yes, I am willing to take the risk of my baby eating my hair, because it’s non existent. For those of you lambasting me for not choosing a salon with a child friendly policy, I didn’t know they had a policy against children when I booked. In fact the manager is from my old salon where they did allow babies in. Had I known, I would have spoken to them before booking. I know lots of you are worried about my baby being blinded or stabbed by falling scissors or suffocated by fumes or ingesting hair. I’m not worried about any of those things, maybe that makes me too relaxed, I’m ok with it though. In the event, he wasn’t put it any danger as he took the bottle, so...phew.

I would just like to add that it’s been a rough year for all of us mental health wise and certainly it’s been no picnic being pregnant and giving birth while looking after my other children and working during the hardest year of my life, I know this is the same for many of us. But it’s worth bearing in mind that I am just a normal person wanting to have my hair done and also feed my baby before you call me

Entitled
Ignorant
Selfish
Self obsessed
Karen
Ridiculous
PFB
Thinking the world revolves around me
Etc etc etc. I just wanted to get my hair done whilst also being a parent to a small baby. Yes, next time I will check the policy. Or book a mobile hairdresser. Or practice more with the bottle. All fair points. But maybe you don’t need to speak to me like shit for just asking if it was unreasonable to expect the salon to comply with their legal obligation not to refuse me service because I’m breastfeeding, at a time when it’s particularly hard to be a new mother.

It does seem some people just hate any ‘special treatment’ afforded to people who are breastfeeding - it’s not because I think I’m special. It’s because I’m giving my child food out of my body and that makes life more difficult in some aspects. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else I’m just temporarily in a different situation.

I’ll leave this here as I know I’ll get loads more grief about being a special snowflake but legally they were in the wrong even if morally you feel they weren’t. Thanks all.

1. You could have stepped outside to breastfeed your child. Your assumption that everyone else should suffer so you can breastfeed where you want, when you want is why people have called you selfish and entitled. I don't agree with calling you those things because it's unnecessarily nasty but it is a valid point that it never seemed to occur to you to go to your baby rather than have your baby brought to you where your baby can cause issues for other people.
2. I'm curious why you think a baby doesn't scream, especially when hungry. Do you really think people who are paying for something nice for themselves should be forced to listen to your screaming baby despite booking into a salon with a no children policy?
3. Legally, they are not remotely in the wrong (unless you're in Scotland?).

@RiojaRose No it isn't.

@Lemonelderflower

Tier I’m sorry but that is not the case.

The discrimination applies to the mother and not the child.

I'm sorry, but yes it is. The Equality Act permits a breastfeeding mother to be denied entry for a lawful reason other than breastfeeding, and this includes age limits applying to her, baby or both. This is why the question is whether the salon would also refuse to allow in a formula fed baby, ie whether it's about the breastfeeding.

You are being completely unreasonable, the world doesn’t revolve around you. If their rules say no children, it’s no children. If you don’t like it go elsewhere

Thanks for that explanation Tier20million. Its what I thought but you explained it clearly.,

@BlueSussex

YABVVU

I EBF two children (and could not express) for 14 months each and managed to have baby free hairdresser/colourist appointments throughout.

You are coming across as slightly ridiculous.

Or you are?

Great that you managed it. If I was getting my hair done with a 2 month old, I'd do (& have done) exactly what OP did.

I couldn't express either. So I fed beforehand, and if needed, would have fed during the cut.

What's so odd (or ridiculous) about that?

YANB but maybe you should have asked before you made the appointment. If it’s not too late, cancel the appointment and find a hairdresser who will come to your home and do your hair.

If their business policy is says no children then that's it. It doesn't matter if they are breastfed, bottle fed or stuffed with a McDonalds.
You have a choice to go elsewhere. I would choose a salon that had a no child/children policy as I want a break

YABU. If it was a Drs apt sure I'd expect accommodation but it's not like going to the hairdressers is urgent medical treatment, if they have a no child policy I'd respect it or go elsewhere.

Sadly I'd say YABU. I have a 4 week old EBF baby and am also desperate for a hair cut so I do get it.
But I know I can't leave them as we've not tried a bottle and I wouldn't even think to take with me to my usual salon. So I've booked a mobile hairdresser to come to my house and checked with her that she's happy for me to feed the baby at some point during the appointment.

YANBU

Interesting that’s your first post on MN tier

And it is wrong.

Completely off topic but when I was away last year with my now 13 year old son I couldn't take him into my choice of pub and restaurant as no children were permitted after 6pm - I hadn't noticed the sign at the front - no problem we went somewhere else - I could have argued that he was exceptionally well behaved and much more so than some of the adults having their

Yes it is, and so bloody stupid to boot.

There's a world of difference between a 2 month old baby who needs breast milk to stay alive & your 13 yo son - it's not about being well-behaved.

@SonnyWinds last time my hairdresser let a client step outside during a hair cut they ran off without paying .....

@Viviennemary

Thanks for that explanation Tier20million. Its what I thought but you explained it clearly.,

No worries.

If you think about it, it's obvious that the law would have to allow for a woman who's breastfeeding to be denied entry or excluded from a private business for non-breastfeeding reasons. It would be an absurdity if for example a breastfeeding mother could insist on being allowed entry to the under 16s disco or the SAGA cruise purely because of feeding method.

Your assumption that everyone else should suffer so you can breastfeed where you want, when you want is why people have called you selfish and entitled
I'm curious why you think a baby doesn't scream, especially when hungry. Do you really think people who are paying for something nice for themselves should be forced to listen to your screaming baby despite booking into a salon with a no children policy?

I mean these viewpoints are just so odd. My baby was never a screamer, she was always so chilled and quiet that even hungry she wouldnt scream. If I’d breastfed her in public at that age really no one would have noticed. Not every baby is loud

@DuggeeHugPlease

Sadly I'd say YABU. I have a 4 week old EBF baby and am also desperate for a hair cut so I do get it. But I know I can't leave them as we've not tried a bottle and I wouldn't even think to take with me to my usual salon. So I've booked a mobile hairdresser to come to my house and checked with her that she's happy for me to feed the baby at some point during the appointment.

So everyone has to do exactly as you do?

You don’t think that is a bit arrogant?