Recently separated and need advice on children

[Debobble]

I recently separated from my partner. I want to be fair with the kids as he does want contact. However 3 days after we broke up he is asking for an overnight stay with the kids at his parents house.
I have no issue with where they are staying at all but feel that its very soon. Im not trying to be bitter as i do still have feelings for their dad but when is the right time to allow over nights or visits as surely there needs to be some adjustment time for everyone including the kids to come to terms with the change?
I would be grateful for any advice that can be given as i dont care about me i just want whats best for the kids which is why i am not going into details of the how and why.

OK. If his condition is not being managed, and it seems that this is the reason that he's moved out rather than just a " we fell out of love etc" then this really is a unique situation.

I think that you need to talk to professionals, maybe child services? About how to deal with this going forward.

@Debobble

Sadly he doesnt have a mental health team or a psychiatrist that he talks to. He tries to do things on his own and has not had any support through the pandemic from anyone. I can not force him to take his meds and never threatened the relationship for him to take them. I know his condition is uncontrollable and i will be allowing him to see the kids. Thanks for all those that helped and i do matter just as much as the children do, having a ex partner with severe mental health means this situation is alot more unique then parents that are squabbling over the children. I have tried my best to shield my children from his condition and it affects everyone which is why there are support groups for children with a schizophrenic parent. This is a very difficult situation and i am truly hurt, i didnt ask for this or want this to happen but seeking advice on here was to help make the right choice in a circumstance i have never been in. I have no friends as i found it difficult with being a full time parent and having a schizophrenic partner.

This is very concerning that he is getting no psychiatric support at all. I would be contacting children’s services for support and only allowing supervised contact by yourself given your recent update.

My DP visited his children at the old family home 2 evenings a week and took them out one weekend day a week for the first month or so after separating. Just so they could get used to him not being there but know that he would always still see them.

After that first month he started having them overnight on Fridays and taking them back Saturday evening, gradually working up to having them Friday-Sunday every other weekend.

Thankyou, i think child services will obviously be my best port of call and day visits until then. His parents cant help much as his dad is over 80 and has a heart condition.
There is alot to consider but i do want the kids to see him, just not settled with long weekend stays tbh.

Good luck, and I think it makes sense to ask child services for Support.

This is not a normal situation of two parents deciding to split up. This is how to deal with a parent with unmanaged significant mental health condition

Op, if you want safe and useful advice on the best interests of your children then you have to share the relevant context. The fact that you don't feel their dad is safe or able to care for them alone is highly relevant and should have been in your op.

People aren't asking for context so they can judge you, they're asking so they have the information they need to help you effectively.

I was taking that the OP at face value when she said she has no concerns about them staying with the grandparents for contact with their dad. I do think it would be prudent to push for supervised contact until his mental health condition is properly under control. If the OP doesn’t believe her PIL are capable of supervising contact or that they won’t communicate with her to postpone or cancel contact if their son (dc dad) is behaving erratically then no, this is not a good option.

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Your ex's dps will be essential if your dcs are to have safe contact with their df. I think you're on the right path by taking the dcs for a visit maybe more than once before any sleep overs. I wouldn't be rushing sleep overs until you've established that the gps take responsibility for the dcs on visits.

In her heart your dd probably realises that it is better for her df to live separately from you but that doesn't mean she's not missing him. My friend's dc missed their df and was very upset even though they understood that they were better with him visiting.

I would ask the younger two if they would like to go for a sleepover, keep it light. If they say yes keep it short initially - 5pm with pick up the next day at 10 am. For your eldest give her the option to go if she feels like it but let her know its okay to stay with you for now.