Cry it out method with toddler

[wingingit987]

I am desperate to get my 2.5 yr old to go to sleep on his own currently I need to sit on the floor
Until he goes to bed.

My partner works nights im hugely pregnant I just need to be able to leave him.

I've been trying cry it out but is making it worse.

Please help.

Why does he need to go to sleep by himself?

It might be an unpopular opinion but I sit with my 2 year old whilst he falls asleep. I also have an 8 month old and have put a small cot in the toddlers’ room that the baby has gone in whilst I do the toddlers bed time and the baby now sleeps there until he wakes for a feed (breastfed) then I co sleep with the baby.

I used to sit with my dc at that age while they dropped off. Nice quiet time for mn-ing.

When I had a baby and a toddler I would put the toddler to bed with the baby in a sling and sort the baby after.

I sit with my 2.5 year old while she falls asleep - I think it's pretty normal at this age? I'm only early pregnant with #2, so it's not such a pressing issue. I can imagine CIO with a toddler would he pretty harrowing though, wouldn't try it myself!

This may be a silly question but do you have space for a chair? I sit with my 2 year old while she falls asleep but we have a comfy chair so I just sit with my phone. It does make a difference.

The first thing that made a huge difference for my 2 Yr old was dropping his nap so he was knackered at bed time and went to sleep quickly. I also got him used to me sitting by the door out of his eye range so it's easier to sneak out. I sang him a few songs so he knew I was there. It slowly got to the point where I could say good night, sit on the landing and sing 2 songs and slowly move away. I was always very clear how many songs I would sing. So I suppose a kind of gradual withdrawal. Saying that it depends on your child- my older girl was tougher to crack!

Gosh I am surprised by the previous posters. Agree with a baby on the way this isn’t sustainable. You need to look into methods but at 2 absolutely no reason they can’t self settle and put themselves to sleep.

Presume they are still in a cot? I think CIO would be really tough (and I did a bit of it with a younger child, so not anti).

I think that keeping going in, telling them to lie down and go to sleep, and then leave the room. Is more likely to work and be manageable. They stand back up, and shout for you, give it a few minutes and go back in, lay them back down.

It might take an hour at first, but it should get quicker.

Just go to bed with the toddler in your bed and enjoy a cuddle before DC2 arrives. Especially if your husband is not there

My DD went through this stage at just turned 2, I was heavily pregnant with DS. I'd end up sitting there for up to 2hrs some nights and I'd be in agony. Eventually I got a camp bed in there and just embraced it, if I fell asleep I'd wake in the night and go to bed. Not ideal if you have stuff to do but if it's any reassurance she grew out of it once DS arrived!

I am contemplating buying a book called It's Never Too Late To Sleep Train by Craig Canapari. (I have an 18 month old who sleeps ok but has his moments for sure!). Might it be helpful to have a plan to refer to that is specifically designed for toddlers?

We found we had to drop the last nap and then make sure dd wasn't overtired when it was bed time.

My dd likes quiet time in her room before bed, so she reads or plays or has the kindle for 20mins to get calm and cozy in bed, and it's taught her to like being in her room.

We give her a couple of warnings, like 10mins, 5 mind, 2mins etc and then keep it all and leave.

First couple of nights we had to go back in a few times but now it's maybe once and then she is out for the night

What about gradual retreat? Or whatever it's called. We did this with our DS when he was 3.
We started next to him, then after a week sat halfway between his bed and then door, the the week after by his door, then on the landing, then in our room. We used to have to talk to him to reassure him when we were in our room, or say we were just doing a job so he was aware of us still being there. It got to the point where I could have a shower in the next room and he was happy because he could hear the water running.
We then went further with this in January where we started going down the stairs, and then staying downstairs saying we were doing a job and shouting up occasionally. Now we just walk away and do what we need to either upstairs or downstairs and he's content to sing to himself till he goes to sleep.
It took a lot of perseverance from us and reassurance for DS, and at times it was very frustrating, especially for DH so I had to take over and do all bedtimes at one point.

At two deffo still stay with. Particularly with the change coming if having a new sibling.
We put dd in a sling when dealing with ds .
CIO makes them just realise that nobody is going to come when they're upset. Its grim (in my opinion only of course )
HOWEVER you must be absolutely shattered particularly with your husband working nights. So for me I would do whatever is easiest including sleeping with them!

Oh, and find something comfy to sit on that's easy to move. My butt constantly went numb.

Please don’t leave your beloved child to cry himself to sleep, that’s awful. Can he not get in the double bed with you and cuddle? I know it’s not ideal when your partner has to sleep in the spare room but it’s a temporary measure and he should understand that you can’t leave your little one to cry.

My 2.5 year old had me at absolute breaking point, nothing worked.. She previously slept 7 to 7 then bang hit 2.5 years old and it was hourly waking, I honestly cried most nights and spend days at work feeling utterly frazzled, I left her to cry one night and it was awful and I felt like such a crap mother, I was so desperate just for sleep.. I ended up resorting to sleeping on her bedroom floor then she'd scream and want to sleep on the floor with me. She then went back to sleeping 7 to 7 again for a couple of months, now the hourly wakings are starting again, I just feel dread going up to sleep now 😢

That's terrible for attachment and can do a lot of long term damage as they learn that their attachment figures don't come when they cry. It's also counter productive as they learn night times are times when they are ignored but in the day time their needs are met. Therefore they are less likely to want to go to bed.

Crying it out works by the baby giving up trying to get it's parents attention. Please don't.

Crying it out only works because the child eventually learns that there's no point in crying because their parent won't come. I would look at other methods if I were you.

I’m in the same boat - pregnant with a two year old who used to fall asleep himself but now needs someone with him. I’ve never co-slept. But can’t bring myself to let him cry. I’ll see what happens when baby comes. One day at a time. My husband works away a lot so I am concerned.

I was in a similar position with my daughter at a similar age.
Crying it out was without doubt my biggest regret. I sat downstairs while she was screaming for 2 hours solid upstairs the first night. It got less each night and after a week she would go to sleep on her own but then the behaviour issues began and eventually when her brother arrived her sleep was all over the place and we were in a much worse position.
I can remember going in to the health visitor crying after having 6 nights of zero sleep and begging for help. She was just as useless as the health visitor that recommended doing the cry it out method.
So me and my husband learnt to deal with it ourselves. We would sit on the floor next to her bed and each night move slightly further away. I explained what we were doing to her and each night told her exactly where I was going to sit. It took a couple of weeks and some nights I'd have to stay in the same spot as the night before but eventually she was falling asleep within 5 minutes and we were free!
She is still my hardest of 4 when it comes to sleeping and I honestly blame the bad advice I was given. I wish I'd just listened to my instincts and let her stay in my bed until she was a bit older. My other three have all slept in my bed and moved happily in to there own bed in their room around 18 months to 2 years. They sleep through and wake when there sister does most days as her morning noise has got them in to the 6am routine. But we are happy with that considering how bad we know it can be!

I wouldn't settle well if I was crying myself to sleep either! CIO is really not the answer, makes everyone feel awful and doesn't help you achieve the aim.

Your evenings sound awful and I bet you're desperate. Could you go to bed together? Get ready together and snuggle up in your bed? Precious times being snuggly before the baby comes. I have 2 close together and we did all naps and bed times as a communal thing as I found it easiest to stroke the toddler off while feeding the baby if we were all in one bed.

When I had dc3 I would have the baby in a sling/feed them as I did bedtimes for the bigger ones.

I love staying with all mine while they drift off even now they're all at school. My mum used to stroke me as I settled and I love doing it for them. They can all settle themselves now but we all enjoy ending the day in a snuggly way.

I know you feel rubbish but it will get better. Do the easiest thing to get the most sleep for the most people be that room sharing, bed sharing, cuddling or whatever.

I have a 13wk old baby and an almost 3.5yr old. I still read my oldest a story every night and cuddle him until he falls asleep. It's the best part of my day. I'd never just leave him to go to sleep alone especially not now there's a new baby who could make him feel pushed out. I'd certainly never leave him crying.

I would highly recommend Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. It's not fully CIO but focuses on removing sleep attachments. There is crying involved but it's not shut the door and leave them to it. He also writes about all sorts of aspects of sleep, and gives examples. It's fascinating and instructive reading even if you don't end up using the training plan.

We sleep trained our DD at 10 months and it took about 5 nights. Our lives have improved by 100%.

Hmmm. I'm genuinely surprised by this thread and the number of people who stay in their child's room until they fall asleep. Perhaps because I've never had a problem with putting my now 2.5yr old to sleep. She's for the most part quite happy to go down and fall asleep on her own.

But we went through a phase a few months ago where she would wake up and cry for me and want milk (in a bottle). This was getting to become a bad habit after a few days. She would want to sit up and play and just not go back into bed. One night I decided to try letting her CIO. I put her in bed and left the bottle on the ground because she didn't even want it. She cried when I did this and she climbed out, cried off and on for about 40 mins while I sat outside her door watching her on the monitor and then fell asleep on the floor. I went in, picked her up and put her back to bed. The next night the same thing happened. She wouldn't go to bed. Wanted to play in the ball pit. The same thing happened. I left her bottle and her star light with her. She cried for 20 mins and this time crawled up into her cot and covered herself with the blanket.

A few days later she woke up asking for milk and instead of trying to get out and kick up a big fuss she sat in bed, I gave her the bottle, she asked for her star light and then she laid down again, drank her milk and fell asleep. No crying or anything.

That was the last time it happened. She's been fine ever since. I was adamant with my first that I would not do CIO but at 7 months he woke every 45 mins. My husband and I got no sleep at all. We were knackered. Did a method of the CIO method and after 2 days we never had a problem again. Both children are amazing sleepers and sleep upwards of 15hrs a night.

Don't knock the CIO method until you try it for yourself.

I should add that when my son was 7 months we did a version of CIO that a previous poster mentioned where you go in and reassure the child, but that focused on removing sleep aids like music, mobiles, etc.

I highly recommend this book - it saved our sanity after months of no sleep. And I do remember there was plans and steps to take for children of various ages amzn.to/33eDKtd